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Summary
We are called to embrace God’s wise design for wives in marriage, as outlined in Ephesians 5:21-24 and 33. This passage teaches us that a wife’s voluntary submission to her husband is not oppression but a holy, Christ-reflecting calling that leads to genuine joy and blessing.
Key Lessons:
- The call to wifely submission is rooted in creation order — God designed the husband as head before the fall, making this part of his originally ‘very good’ design.
- A wife’s submission mirrors the church’s submission to Christ, making marriage a living picture of the gospel — this gives the calling profound dignity and eternal significance.
- Submission is comprehensive (‘in everything’) and voluntary, done out of reverence for Christ rather than based on a husband’s worthiness or perfect behavior.
- Godly submission, even to imperfect husbands, carries supernatural power — as 1 Peter 3 shows, a wife’s chaste and respectful behavior can win over even a disobedient husband.
Application: Wives are called to voluntarily line themselves up under their husband’s leadership in every area of life, out of reverence for Christ — trusting that God sees, sustains, and will vindicate those who obey him faithfully.
Discussion Questions:
- How does understanding the meaning of ‘hupotasso’ (to arrange oneself under authority) change the way you think about submission in marriage?
- In what specific areas of your marriage is it most difficult to trust God’s design? What would it look like to obey him there?
- How does Christ’s example of suffering righteously without fighting for his rights speak to you personally — whether as a wife, a worker, or a citizen under authority?
Scripture Focus: Ephesians 5:21-24, 33 — the central text on wifely submission as a reflection of the church’s submission to Christ; 1 Peter 2:21-3:2 — Christ’s suffering as the model for all godly submission; Romans 13:1-2 — earthly authority as derived from God, making submission to it an act of reverence toward him.
Outline
- Introduction
- The Problem with Misunderstanding
- God’s Wise Will for Wives: The Main Idea
- Reading the Text: Ephesians 5:15-33
- Context: Walking Carefully Before God
- The What: Voluntary Submission
- The Why: Ordained Headship
- Headship Rooted in Creation
- The Fall and the Marriage Curse
- In Christ, Everything Changes
- Marriage as a Picture of Christ and the Church
- The Where: Every Area
- The Risk and Reward of Righteous Submission
- A Word to Unbelievers and Husbands
Introduction
Well, let’s pray as we continue our miniseries on marriage.
Father God, everything you do is so good. Your design for marriage is very good, but wow, how countercultural it is. God, I pray that you would help us to hear this word, to believe it, and to obey it for our good and your glory. Help me to be able to speak it in Jesus’ name.
Amen.
Here’s a question for you as we begin today. Don’t answer this out loud, just think about it in your own mind.
Would you sign a petition to end women’s suffrage?
In 1999, two men took to the streets of America to ask people this same question. The results were very surprising.
Nearly every man and nearly every woman who was asked this question said yes. And right there and then, these people put their signatures on a petition to end women’s suffrage.
Why is this result so astonishing? Because women’s suffrage is just an older way of saying women’s right to vote.
So American men and women were saying that they wanted to end this right. Why would they do this?
It’s because many people don’t know what the word suffrage means, but they know it sounds like suffering. Thus, many well-meaning but ultimately ignorant men and women ended up opposing that which they would never have opposed if they really knew what it was.
Something that was intended to bless women, not cause them to suffer.
The Problem with Misunderstanding
There is a similar but more serious opposition when it comes to God’s design for women in marriage.
When people hear that the Bible calls wives to submit to their husbands, most people only understand the word submit to mean suffer oppression.
Out of a mistaken desire to rescue wives from this terrible fate, many people, Christians included, find ways to reject or reinterpret this command from God given through his Apostle Paul for the wife to submit to her husband.
Excuses or answers might be, “Oh, Paul was just a chauvinist. He had something against women. You don’t need to heed his command.” Or people say Paul was just giving a temporary accommodation to culture.
Submission was never the ideal, but Paul didn’t want early Christians to rock the boat. We have progressed far past that at this point.
Or people might say Paul didn’t really mean submit, just that a wife should follow her husband’s general direction.
But God’s command regarding the role of women in marriage does not need to be rejected or reinterpreted out of compassion for wives.
Actually, the opposite is true.
If you really want to do the most good you can for wives, if you really want to do the most good you can for yourself and for your marriage, then you ought to listen to God’s wisdom as to what marriage ought to be.
After all, God designed man, woman, and marriage. He knows a thing or two about it.
But God’s wisdom is very different from the wisdom of the world.
The true way to a wife’s happiness and fulfillment is not by liberation from all her constraints.
It is instead found in the embrace of the original good role God designed for her.
“The true way to a wife’s happiness is not liberation from all constraints, but embracing the original good role God designed for her.”
God’s Wise Will for Wives: The Main Idea
We’re going to look today at God’s holy calling for wives by investigating Ephesians 5:21-24 and verse 33. If you would please open your Bibles there.
Ephesians 5:21-24 and 33.
I’m calling this message “God’s Wise Will for Wives.”
Try saying that five times fast.
God’s wise will for wives.
If you’re using the Bibles we provided, you can find our passage on page 1,173 to help you appreciate our text in its original context. However, I’d like us to read a little bit before and a little bit after.
That means we’ll look at the text that we investigated last time as well as the instruction that follows our text—Paul’s instruction to husbands. So let’s read Ephesians 5:15-33.
Reading the Text: Ephesians 5:15-33
Ephesians 5:15-33 Paul speaking by the spirit of God.
Therefore, be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation. But be filled with the spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to God, even the Father, and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body.
For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Context: Walking Carefully Before God
To start our investigation, recall what we learned last time from Ephesians 5:15-21.
This book of Ephesians is fundamentally a call for believers to remember the great salvation that they have received in Christ and as a result live a new life of increasing holiness.
We saw in Ephesians 5:15-21 specifically that one of the ways we Christians ought to live holy lives in light of our great salvation is by walking carefully before our God. And what does walking carefully entail?
Well, first from verses 15 to 16, we saw it means to use our time wisely, prioritizing God’s same priorities in our quickly passing days. We saw second from verse 17 that we are to understand God’s word practically. We are to use the various means that God has provided us to know and apply the Bible.
And third, from verses 18 to 21, we are to manifest spirit-filling continually. We are to allow the spirit to fill us by God’s word to all the fullness of God in Christ.
Now, recall that this spirit filling has certain obvious external manifestations that contrast what you typically see in the world.
The people of the world characteristically get filled up by wine and manifest dissipation. That is, the world’s pleasure-led life inevitably leads to behavior that is sinful, wasteful, and degrading.
Meanwhile, those being filled with Christ by the spirit manifest three new holy actions: instructive singing, continual thanksgiving, and reverent submitting.
This preceding context is important for us to note. As we dive into the next section of Ephesians 5, the role of the wife and the role of the husband, we must not miss the fact that these roles are an extension and an application of walking carefully before God in light of your great salvation.
If you want to be wise, if you want to make the most of your time, if you want to understand the will of the Lord, if you want to show that you are being filled by the spirit to all the fullness of God, then wives, you will submit to your husbands and husbands, you will love your wives.
“If you want to show you are being filled by the Spirit, then wives, you will submit to your husbands.”
Now, today we’re only focusing on the instruction given to wives in verses 21 to 24 and the end of verse 33. Next time we’ll do the instruction to husbands in verses 25 to 33a.
But what is God’s wise will for wives? How should wives walk worthy of the great salvation that they have in Christ?
The answer is the main idea of our text and of our sermon. God calls wives to submit to their husbands in the same way the church submits to Christ.
To walk carefully in light of her great salvation, the Christian wife must submit to her husband in the same way the church submits to Christ.
“God calls wives to submit to their husbands in the same way the church submits to Christ.”
Now Paul in our text explains this call to submission in a very clear and straightforward way. We can divide his teaching according to the question words: what, why, and where.
The What: Voluntary Submission
Let’s start with the what in verses 21-22.
What exactly is the command that the wives are to obey? It is voluntary submission. The what is voluntary submission. Look again at verses 21-22.
“And be subject to one another in the fear of Christ, wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.”
Notice with me that though verse 21 ends the previous unit of thought, it also begins a new unit.
From Ephesians 5:21 to 6:9, Paul clarifies several areas where believers are to practice submission.
Paul starts with wives and husbands in verses 22-33, then discusses children and parents in Ephesians 6:1-4, and then discusses slaves and masters in Ephesians 6:5-9.
By the way, these three groupings would have made up the Greco-Roman household of that day. There was the man and his wife, their children, and any slaves that they owned or were in the household.
So Paul is saying at the outset of verse 21, brothers and sisters, in whatever area of the household that this applies to you personally, be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
But what does it mean to be subject?
The Greek verb behind this phrase is hupotasso.
Hupotasso. This word is a combination of the prefix hupo meaning under and tasso meaning to arrange in order.
So together hupotasso means to arrange in order under.
Now the form of hupotasso that is used in Ephesians 5:21 emphasizes action taken upon oneself.
So the sense of hupotasso here is to arrange oneself in order under another’s authority, or more simply, to submit oneself.
We actually see this form of the verb hupotasso used in extra-biblical literature to describe the lining up of soldiers under the authority of their commander.
Now understanding this meaning of hupotasso in verse 21 is important because of the phrase that appears next to it: be subject to one another.
Now some take this phrase to indicate that Paul is calling all Christians to mutual submission.
That is, all Christians are to take humble attitudes toward one another, to serve and meet each other’s needs in love.
It is true that Christians ought to be humble and serve one another, but mutual submission cannot be Paul’s meaning here.
And why not? Well, hupotasso speaks about arrangement according to authority, not loving service. And you cannot have two people both be the authority and submit to one another as the authority at the same time.
Furthermore, each of the examples of submission that come after verse 21 are not mutual.
Paul commands wives, children, and slaves to submit and obey.
But he does not command this of husbands, fathers, and masters.
Certainly, the latter three groups do have obligations to the former three groups before God, but those obligations are not symmetrical.
So then, rather than mutual submission, the phrase “be subject to one another” should be understood to mean submit to God-ordained authorities among you, however they apply. Submit to God-ordained authorities among you.
Submitting to God-Ordained Authorities
And notice now the end of verse 21 how Paul says this submission is to be done in the fear of Christ.
The fear described here is not the craven fear of eternal judgment but rather the great awe or reverence that we ought to have for Christ based on who he is and what he has done for us. Jesus Christ is the Lord of all glory. His dominion is over the entire universe and he is the one who assesses our lives for the purpose of temporary chastening and ultimate reward.
You might ask though, what is the connection between fearing Christ and voluntarily submitting to God-ordained authorities on earth?
The idea is not fully explained here, but it is in another place. In Romans 13:1-2, Paul explains the connection between fearing God and submitting to earthly authorities. Paul says:
“Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore, whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God, and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.”
Do you hear Paul’s word in Romans?
We Christians are called to honor various authorities on earth. Not because these authorities themselves deserve it or have earned it, but because God has set up those authorities himself.
All true authority on earth is a derived authority from God.
Therefore, if you rebel against these authorities, Paul says in Romans that you are really rebelling against God himself and you will therefore experience the consequences.
But if you voluntarily by contrast honor these authorities because God has put them in place, then whom are you ultimately honoring? God. And he will take note and he will reward you.
Christians are to submit to God-ordained authorities on the earth out of reverence for Christ who is the ultimate Lord and has ordained every human authority.
“Christians are to submit to God-ordained authorities out of reverence for Christ, who is the ultimate Lord and has ordained every human authority.”
Wives, Submit as to the Lord
Now having seen this overarching truth in verse 21, let’s look again at verse 22. Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.
If you’re using the Bible translation that I am in my preaching, the New American Standard 95, you’ll notice that in verse 22, the words “be subject” are italicized.
This is the translator’s way of letting you know that the italicized words do not appear in the original Greek of that verse, but they are the sense of that verse as supplied by the context. The translators are just trying to make that clear. Really literally, there is no verb in verse 22.
A more literal translation of verse 21 going into verse 22 would be, “And being subject to one another in the fear of Christ, wives to your own husbands.” In other words, Paul is saying in verse 22, what I’ve just been talking about, you wives, do this with your husbands.
This is why I say the what of verses 21 to 22 is voluntary submission.
God calls wives to line themselves up voluntarily under the leadership and authority of their husbands.
I don’t know if any of you have ever tried ballroom dancing before, but one of the rules of ballroom dance is that the man must lead the woman.
In the dance, both the man and the woman have moves that they need to execute, but the man is the initiator. He is the leader. If the woman tries to lead instead, the dance will not be performed properly. The couple might even trip and fall.
In a similar way, God is commanding Christian wives here. Let the husband take the lead in the marriage dance. Line yourself up in order under his authority.
Now, do note that the command is given to wives here and not to husbands. Husbands are not called to make their wives submit. Wives are to do this voluntarily out of reverence for Christ.
“Husbands are not called to make their wives submit. Wives are to do this voluntarily out of reverence for Christ.”
Also note the phrase “to your own husbands.” Wives are only called here to submit to their own particular husbands, not to other husbands and not to men in general.
Now notice the phrase in verse 22 “as to the Lord.” This is another reference to Jesus Christ. And with this phrase, Paul begins to clarify the type of submission God requires of the wife. Paul says, “Wives, submit to your husbands just as or in the same way you submit to the Lord.”
And how does a Christian woman subject herself to her heavenly Lord? Totally and reverently.
So how should the wife subject herself to her husband? The implied answer is totally and reverently.
By the way, glance down to verse 33 for a moment. The second part of it reads, “And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” The word for respect there is actually the same verb used to translate “fear” in verse 21. It’s from “fabo,” where we get “phobia.”
God says there should be a parallel between how a wife treats the Lord Jesus Christ and how she treats her husband—both submission and reverence. Again, not talking about craven fear or the fear of reprisal, but that respect, that honor, that reverence.
“God says there should be a parallel between how a wife treats the Lord Jesus Christ and how she treats her husband — both submission and reverence.”
But here’s what someone will say: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Back up the bus here a second, Paul. Are you really saying that wives should give comprehensive submission to their husbands? I mean, why would God command something so radical?
I’m glad you asked because Paul is going to explain.
The Why: Ordained Headship
We’ve seen the what of God’s wise will for wives is voluntary submission. Now, let’s see the why in verse 23. The why is ordained headship.
The why for a Christian wife’s submission is ordained headship. Verse 23.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body.
Notice the word “for” at the beginning of verse 23. This conjunction indicates that Paul is supplying a reason for what he just said.
Wives, submit voluntarily to your own husbands, for or because the husband is the head of the wife.
Note the verb tense of that latter phrase. Paul does not say the husband ought to be the head of the wife or the husband will be once the wife submits.
He says rather the husband is the head of the wife. It is a present and settled reality.
Now the original Greek term for head means one of superior rank or authority.
Paul has already used this term a few times in Ephesians to describe Christ’s preeminent position over the whole universe (Ephesians 1:22) and over the church (Ephesians 4:15). Christ is the head of the universe and the head of the church.
So Paul is saying here in Ephesians 5:23, the husband is the one designated by God as the authority or leader or head of the wife in marriage.
But where did this husband headship come from? Is this some arbitrary New Testament rule?
Headship Rooted in Creation
Actually, a husband’s headship goes back to creation, back to the book of Genesis.
We won’t take time now to read the account of the creation of the first man and the first woman and the first marriage which is given to us in Genesis 2.
But several details in that chapter indicate that God designed the husband even before the fall, even before sin came into the world. God designed the husband to be the head of his wife.
Recall or just hear from Genesis 2 certain details. God created the man first.
The woman was created specifically as a suitable helper to the man.
She was created out of the man from his very flesh and bone.
God brought her to the man, not man to the woman or both of them to some neutral place.
And the man named the woman, not the other way around.
Moses cites these events as God’s pattern for all marriages in Genesis 2:24.
The husband’s headship was part of what God pronounced very good at the end of his creation week. It was part of God’s originally good design.
God designed husbands to lead, care for, protect, and exercise loving authority over their wives.
“God designed husbands to lead, care for, protect, and exercise loving authority over their wives, while wives exercise loving help and submission.”
While God designed wives to exercise loving help and submission to their husbands.
The Fall and the Marriage Curse
But what happened?
The fall came.
Sin came into the world and sin corrupted both men’s and women’s hearts to rebel against all of God’s good designs, including in marriage.
God even foretold as a curse in Genesis 3:16 that there would now be a power struggle in marriage as a result of sin.
When God says, “Your desire will be for your husband,” we note the parallel in Genesis 4, and God’s words stand. This is not, “Well, you’re just going to love him. You’re going to want to have children with him.” No. The wife would now desire to rebel against and supplant her husband as the authority because of sin.
Meanwhile, the husband would now desire to rule selfishly and to force his wife’s submission.
God pronounces this at the beginning.
And haven’t the dark fruits of this ancient marriage curse become so obvious in our world?
What do we see across the ages and even today in many marriages?
Angry conflict, domestic abuse, patriarchal oppression, feminist liberation, manipulation, bargaining, divorce, abandonment, adultery, and domestic murder.
All of this is because neither man nor woman wants to submit to God’s good design anymore.
This is the human heart corrupted by sin.
“Neither man nor woman wants to submit to God’s good design anymore — this is the human heart corrupted by sin.”
In Christ, Everything Changes
But in Christ, everything changes.
Husband and wife are given new hearts that genuinely love God and genuinely love others.
As new creations, husband and wife are now able to return to that very good creation design originally established by God for the good of husband and wife and for God’s glory.
This is exactly why God directs wives and husbands to do as he commands them in Ephesians 5. This is not possible outside of the new covenant in Christ. But in Christ, it is possible and it is commanded. It is God’s wise counsel.
“In Christ, husband and wife can return to the very good creation design God originally established for their good and his glory.”
The God-ordained subordination of the wife does not indicate any inferiority of essence or of worth. Just because God ordained husbands as the family leader does not mean that husbands or men are better or worth more than wives or women.
Just as the Trinity has three persons who are equal in essence and glory but have different roles—the Son submitting to the Father, the Spirit submitting to the Son and Father—so husbands and wives are equal in worth and essence but have different roles.
Both men and women are glorious and necessary displays of the image of God according to Genesis 1. Male and female he made them together in the image of God. According to Genesis 2, the wife is a crucial complement and completer of the man. So they are equal but they have different roles.
Therefore, husbands, do not become full of yourself. God ordained you as the leader, but you need help. You need your wife’s help.
Back to Ephesians 5:23. Paul says that wives should voluntarily submit to their husbands because God originally ordained husbands to be the head.
Marriage as a Picture of Christ and the Church
But now notice the next part of verse 23. Paul notes a parallel between the husband’s headship of his wife and Christ’s headship over his church.
Why is this parallel significant?
Paul is beginning to demonstrate a connection between marriage and Christ in the church. Paul will come back to this connection more and explain it further when he gets to the husband’s role.
But even here, we should note a profound truth. Human marriage was always intended by God to serve as a picture of Christ and his church.
Thus, the parallel between Christ’s headship of the church and the husband’s headship of his wife is more than a helpful coincidence. The parallel was intended by God all along, and it should give even more sobriety and reverence to this command to wives.
This is about you as much as it is possible in you fulfilling this picture, this glorious picture of Christ and his church. The church’s submission to Christ should look just like your submission to your husband. This is for God’s glory. This is for showing that picture to the world.
So then the husband’s headship is not only affirmed by God’s good creation design but also by the greater reality of what marriage represents: the church in Christ.
“Human marriage was always intended by God to serve as a picture of Christ and his church.”
But here a wife might say, “But my husband is not Christ. My husband is really imperfect.” And with this, Paul would agree.
In fact, Paul himself points out how the parallel between Christ and husband isn’t exact. Notice the phrase at the end of verse 23. Paul says, “He himself being the savior of the body,” speaking about Christ.
That phrase, “he himself,” is emphatic, noting that there’s something special about the Savior Christ that is not quite like human husbands. Christ as the head of his body, the church, provides full life and salvation for his bride.
Though regular husbands are tasked with providing basic necessities and protection for their wives, husbands are not saviors like Christ is.
So Paul says essentially, “Wives, I hear you. I know your husbands are not exactly like Christ, but wives, listen: your husband’s position as head fundamentally parallels Christ’s own position as head over the church.
So just as you, as part of the church, reverently submit yourself to your perfect Lord Christ, so also for Christ’s sake, you should reverently submit yourself to your imperfect lord, your husband.”
A wife may say, “I get that I should submit to my husband for the Lord’s sake, but what kind of submission are we talking about?”
The answer is what Paul clarifies next. At this point, we’ve seen the what of God’s calling to wives: its voluntary submission. We’ve also seen the why.
The Where: Every Area
It’s ordained headship. Now, we look at the where in verse 24. And the where is every area.
The where of a wife’s submission is every area. Look at verse 24.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Notice how this verse begins with a but. That’s a contrast transition word. Paul is saying, notwithstanding the difference between your husband and Christ, here’s the important parallel that your wives need to focus on.
What’s the parallel? Well, it’s the same one that Paul began to describe in verse 22. Wives ought to submit to their husbands just as the church submits to Christ. But now Paul is more explicit as to the implications of this parallel.
Where does the church submit itself to the Lord Christ? In everything, in every area, on every issue.
So where ought wives out of reverence for Christ submit to their husbands? In everything, in every area, on every issue.
Really? Yes. It’s stated plainly in the text: in everything. It says at the end of verse 24.
Once again, we see that God’s calling to wives is comprehensive and reverent submission to their husbands.
“God’s calling to wives is comprehensive and reverent submission — not based on the husband’s demonstrated wisdom or meritorious love.”
And mark this. This godly submission of the wife is not based on the husband’s demonstrated wisdom, perfect righteousness, or meritorious love.
Actually, there are no conditions given in our text for the wife’s voluntary submission. It is simply for Christ’s sake. It is out of reverence for him and the authorities that he ordains that the godly wife submits to her husband in everything.
Exceptions and Limits to Submission
There is one exception to this submission that has to do with Christ’s greater lordship. What’s the exception?
The godly wife must not submit to any desire, direction, or command from her husband that would cause her to disobey or dishonor Christ.
Remember what the apostles Peter and John told their God-ordained but imperfect governing authority, the Sanhedrin in Acts 4:19. The Sanhedrin commanded them to no longer speak about Jesus. And this was the apostles’ response in Acts 4:19.
Whether it is right in the sight of God to give heed to you rather than to God, you be the judge. For we cannot stop speaking about what we have seen and heard.
In the same way, there will be times for Christian wives when out of love for and fear of Christ and out of true love for their husbands, a wife must refuse to submit.
However, even in such times of godly insubordination, a wife should still seek to honor her husband as best she can for the Lord’s sake.
For example, the wife might say something like, “Darling, I love you and I desire to honor you in every way, but my Lord Jesus commands me to do something different than what you have asked, so I must decline.”
“Even in times of godly insubordination, a wife should still seek to honor her husband as best she can for the Lord’s sake.”
There are some other important clarifications that flow out from the idea that the wife cannot be asked to disobey Christ. These clarifications include: the wife may not violate her conscience. She may not break the law.
She may not be forced to harm herself or remain in danger. She may not become isolated. She may not be silenced. And she may not be made to do absolutely nothing.
To be even more direct, a wife’s submission does not mean she must simply endure physical or sexual abuse at the hands of her husband.
Rather, she has the freedom to escape imminent danger and to address ongoing mistreatment via the God-ordained means of the church and the government.
Matthew 18:15-20 outlines the process for the church. Romans 13:3-4 clarifies that God gave government to punish evildoers and reward and protect the righteous.
Nevertheless, these holy exceptions do not invalidate the rule. God calls Christian wives to offer comprehensive submission to their husbands. They’re looking to line themselves up in whatever ways they can, in whatever areas they can under their husband’s direction, leadership, and authority.
The Risk and Reward of Righteous Submission
Now to this some wife will surely say, “But if I submit in every area as God commands, my ungodly husband will surely take advantage and make my life miserable.” This is a fair concern.
There is a certain riskiness in righteousness for the Lord’s sake.
Actually though, in many cases, a wife’s submission makes her husband less demanding, not more. Easier to live with, not harder, because he gains a greater appreciation for his wife. What does Jesus say about sinners? Even sinners love those who love them.
When an ungodly husband sees his wife’s submission, it strongly provokes him to love her back.
Earlier in the service, we read parts of 1 Peter 2 and 3, a passage talking about this same concept of godly submission even to imperfect authorities. And here again, what the Apostle Peter says to wives in 1 Peter 3:1-2.
In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Do you hear that?
Peter says that the way to win over an ungodly husband to obedience to Christ’s word is through reverent and chaste submission.
In short, your submission is likely to make things better, not worse.
“The way to win over an ungodly husband is through reverent and chaste submission. Your submission is likely to make things better, not worse.”
Though that is not guaranteed.
Certain husbands may respond to good with more evil.
Nevertheless, these verses in Peter are in the Bible for a reason. God wants to give encouragement to wives and remind them of the supernatural power of godly submission.
By the way, it’s worth reminding ourselves that wives are not the only ones commanded to practice risky obedience or even risky submission for the Lord’s sake.
God commands this of all Christians, just in different ways and different contexts.
All Christians are commanded to submit to their governments. Might an ungodly government take advantage?
All Christian workers are commanded to submit to their bosses. Might ungodly bosses try to take advantage?
Or how about these words from Jesus in Matthew 5:40-42.
If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him too. Give to him who asks of you and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
You see, Christians according to the scriptures are fundamentally people who don’t seek vengeance. They don’t fight for their rights.
Rather, they seek to do good to the very people who are trying to take advantage of them.
Why? Why would Christians do that?
Ready for the answer?
Because our God told us to do it and because Christ did it first.
“Christians don’t fight for their rights. They seek to do good to the very people who are trying to take advantage of them — because Christ did it first.”
Christ Our Example in Suffering
Going back to First Peter, listen to what comes right before Peter’s words to wives. 1 Peter 2:21-24.
For you have been called for this purpose since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in his steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in his mouth. And while being reviled, he did not revile in return. While suffering, he uttered no threats, but kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously.
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And he himself bore our sins in his body on the cross so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. For by his wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls.
Brethren, let’s face it. Jesus let sinners take advantage of him. He suffered mistreatment without fighting for his rights.
Why? For God’s sake and for yours. He knew that his suffering righteously would please his God and bring about salvation for God’s own.
“Jesus suffered mistreatment without fighting for his rights — for God’s sake and for ours, knowing his suffering righteously would bring salvation.”
Jesus also knew that God would vindicate him in the end. His Father would judge those evildoers who mistreated him, and his Father would exalt Christ at the proper time.
Trusting God Who Judges Righteously
The same is true for all Christians and more specifically for Christian wives.
God’s wise will for you wives is submission to your husbands for the Lord’s sake. And this may require you at times to suffer righteously.
But this is not a sentence of doom for you. This is not a charter of joylessness for the rest of your life.
No, this is an opportunity for you to discover along with your brethren in their own ways the deeper joy of pleasing and being like your Lord.
If your husband ever mistreats you despite or because of your holy submission, know that your God is taking notice and he will take care of it.
Like Jesus, you can entrust yourself to him who judges righteously.
God will take vengeance for you at the right time. Your husband will feel God’s chastening. And at the right time, God will deliver and exalt you just like he did his own beloved son.
Until that time, God will sustain you. God will provide for you and God will grant you his own joy and peace.
“This is an opportunity to discover the deeper joy of pleasing and being like your Lord. Your God is taking notice and will take care of it.”
Now, this is not to contradict what I said earlier. If a wife has practical means of addressing the mistreatment that don’t involve going outside of God’s will, like involving the church and counseling and discipline or involving the government and police, she should do that.
But when that’s not possible or not profitable, you can do exactly as your Lord did. Suffer righteously, even joyfully, knowing that you can trust your God who’s going to take care of it.
In this way, you can do what 1 Peter 3:6 says: you can submit to your husbands without being frightened by any fear.
So God’s instruction in Ephesians 5:21-24 is clear. God’s wise will for wives is that they submit to their husbands just as the church submits to Christ.
This is the righteous way. This is the way of wisdom. This is the way of joy and blessing in God.
This is not the world’s way. The world would say that all that I’ve spoken to you today from God’s word is the height of foolishness.
But God loves proving the wisdom of the world wrong and proving what the world calls foolish to be infinitely wise.
If you are here today outside of Jesus Christ, you have not yet submitted yourself to him as Lord. You’ve not yet received him as savior from your sins.
Know that you cannot practice godly submission as this passage commands. Nor can you see its blessing.
You need a new heart if you’re going to obey Jesus in this area. You need to be saved from the penalty of your sins and the power of it.
Otherwise, any marriage you enter is still under that ancient curse. You cannot help because your heart is not new. You cannot help but chafe and resist against God’s design.
Perhaps God has led you to a certain low point in your marriage. Things are just getting worse and worse to show you a deeper need.
Not merely for your marriage to be repaired and your relationship with your spouse to be restored, but your relationship with God to be restored so that you could be at peace with him, have your sins covered, and receive from God a new heart and his Holy Spirit.
God invites you to this today. Even by this message, God’s promise is if you will turn from your sins and believe in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, you will be saved and you can begin to walk in new joyful obedience in your marriage.
A Word to Unbelievers and Husbands
Let me also give a few words to those who are husbands.
Husbands, recognize that you too have a marital responsibility before God that is just as self-denying, if not more so, than what’s written here to wives.
Therefore, if you think you can use this great command from God for wives to submit to their husbands to further your own selfish desires, know that you are a fool and that you will surely reap the consequences of your own sinful way.
Remember that Jesus calls on leaders to become slaves. So if anyone’s desire should be served in your marriage or in your household, it should be your wife’s and not yours.
Therefore, in light of this command, behave toward your wife in such a way that you make it easier for her to submit to you. She has a calling and obligation regardless, but you should make it easy for her.
Never simply demand that your wife submit. You cannot force her.
You will find that life is better for everyone when you lovingly persuade, encourage, and instruct your wife so that she gladly gets on board with your decision.
You also will find that doing so will help her be godlier, which should be your goal in the first place. We have much more to say to husbands. We’ll get to that next time.
“Behave toward your wife in such a way that you make it easier for her to submit. Lovingly persuade and encourage her so she gladly gets on board.”
Let’s close in a word of prayer.
God, Lord God, holy God, we confess the wisdom of your way. Lord, compared to the wisdom of the world, what I’ve said today from your word is completely alien. I might as well have three heads. I might as well be speaking another language. This is so foreign and different.
Yet it is good. The testimony of your word is clear, and you’ve shown your character and way always to be good.
Oh God, as I think of this now, let this be an occasion where you say to your people, “Test me in this. Test me by your obedience and see if I will not bless you. Do not test me by your disobedience. Do not test me by your unbelief, for that is what Israel did and experienced the penalty. But test me with faith and see if I do not hold true to what I have promised.”
Lord, I pray that you would bless, sanctify, and protect each marriage at this church currently and each coming marriage at this church. And that wives would be freed up by what your word says to courageous, aggressive, faith-filled submission to their husbands.
Oh Lord, glorify yourself in such a thing and bless your people in Jesus’ name. Amen.