In this lesson, Pastor Dave Capoccia overviews what the Bible teaches about God’s design for marriage. More specifically, Pastor Dave investigates the biblical answers to two fundamental questions:
1. What is marriage?
2. Why marriage?
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good morning and welcome to Sunday School allow me to open in a word of prayer heavenly father thank you so much for being our father and for showing us your truth and showing us Lord your design for families and your design for marriage I pray God that this would be a very Illuminating time encouraging instructive even convicting Lord I pray God that you would build up the families and marriages at this church even through this class right now use me Lord in Jesus name amen right we have reached Lesson Four in our new series Sunday school series biblical counseling for marriage and Parenthood and today we are talking about God’s design for marriage as is our custom let’s begin class by going over the homework assignment that you were given last week last week your assignment was to read the article should we get married five free- engagement questions to ask yourselves but David palon and John Yenko you’re supposed to read that and write down five observations or questions so what were some observations or questions you had based on reading the article what’s something uh Tony that’s right good observation article writers making the point Jesus Christ is more important than marriage or the other person in your marriage which you think like well if I’m going to love the other person don’t don’t I need to love them but actually you love the other person best by loving Christ more and you love your marriage in a sense best by loving Christ more than your marriage I think Mike did you have your hand raised right yeah right yeah so Mike bringing back a kind of a repeated idea in this course which is a Godly marriage is a good thing a Godly husband Godly wife is a good thing but that’s not the ultimate goal it is Christ and being like him so there’s actually a a one of the first questions he as you ask yourself in this article is why do you want to get married and one of the follow-ups to that is are you looking for marriage to provide for you something that only Christ can and that’s where a lot of marriages get into trouble they think a a spouse thinks that the wife or the husband is going to provide that fulfillment that security that really only Jesus can and when the spouse inevitably doesn’t measure up they become angry they become depressed they think I got in the wrong marriage but you are never supposed to be looking for that in the first first place it’s a gift but it’s not the Ultimate gift and when you make it more than it is you’ve actually fallen into idolatry and so you’re right we need to make sure what do this all about it’s about Christ marriage can be an aid to that should be an aid to that but marriage is not the ultimate end step Stephanie I saw your hand yeah yeah yeah absolutely yeah yeah and that Stephanie your observation that a lot of people especially women will compromise the requirement that the person you marry be a Christian and not just a professing Christian but an actual Christian who is walking in increasing Holiness before the Lord and all sorts of rationalizations come out excuses oh I’m going to change him he’s going to become a Christian but so many times those excuses fall flat and the person just ends up reaping later a very painful fruit of what they’ve sown this is such an obvious requirement from the Bible we often go to that do not be unequally Yol passage in 2 Corinthians 6 which talks about more than just marriage but certainly applies to marriage but even in 1 Corinthians 7 one talking about a widow who’s been freed from the bond to her husband she’s allowed to remarry but it says only in the Lord so from the beginning we want to encourage our young people or if you are a young person you must have it as your conviction I will not pursue marriage to someone who is not a Believer growing in holiness don’t say oh well I’m going to date him but I’m not going to marry him don’t do that your heart is going to get entangled you don’t even know how much you are going to become attached to that person oh I can handle it no many many people have said that and then they ended up getting married to an unbeliever and then they say I shouldn’t have done that so go with the wisdom of God obey the Lord start out from the beginning with that conviction is this person a true Christian and not only is that a require from God but it’s the way to bless your marriage you want to be with somebody who’s Godly and is going to encourage you in godliness and an unbeliever no matter how nice he seems to you in the beginning he’s not going to do that for you yeah um Jody yeah yeah yeah uh absolutely Jord to repeat your comment just for anybody listening to the recording you’ve seen I think anybody who’s lived a good amount of time in the Lord have seen people say I’m going to love them into the kingdom or they’re going to get saved he he’s a Christian yeah he’s not really walking like it but he’s a Christian and then later you just see the disaster that unfolds um the second part of what you said I kind of forgotten it already but it made me think of that point again why does somebody want to get married if they’re afraid oh time’s running out and I have to get that treasure well then they’re going to start compromising on the standards of the Bible but you have to go back and recenter why you want to get married in the first place are you looking for something that only Jesus can provide well then of course you’re going to compromise his standards but if you say oh no Jesus is my top priority then it only makes sense that you will say and and so it’s got to be a believer yeah Katherine right such a valuable piece of counsel here that the person who’s thinking about thinking about getting married to person needs to seek counsel from multiple sources especially their parents but not all the counsil is going to be equal you have to discern that Council from the scriptures you have to you have to go sift through it Magna you going to say something sure right right yeah yeah we got to be plain about it that the person who who’s going with their feelings that was the second thing you said which I couldn’t remember going with their feelings over the authority of the Bible or holding to their own desires over Christ’s desires it’s it’s idolatry it’s spiritual adultery now when a person goes into a non-biblical marriage sinfully enters in that kind of marriage well they’re married now you can’t be like oh I made a mistake so I got a divorce no God has joined you together even though it was against his revealed will and so now you’re going to have to make the most of it but we would love to spare people we would love to spare our brothers and sisters that that pain of disobeying the Lord reaping the consequences of it now there are a lot of other things in that article but I’m glad you picked up on some some really important things this is useful for you this is useful for the other people that you counsel so I would recommend that you tuck that article away either a physical copy in your folder or take the electronic copy you have and put someplace on your computer where you can access it later because that will be a useful resource to you that article and sharing it with other people or Consulting it yourself let me introduce you now to the homework for this upcoming week but Lesson Four I I have you doing some more reading and it’s a little bit more reading than what I’ve assigned you thus far I want you to read a few excerpts from this book Jim NE heiser’s marriage divorce and remarriage and like usual read it and then write down five observations or questions that you can share with the class the excerpts I I’m having you read I’ve given you the page numbers on there but if you’re part of the class list you’ve already would have received a scanned copy of these pages but you’re going to read four little chapters that deal with the questions of what is and what is not permitted when it comes to divorce according to the Bible what are permitted reasons for divorce now Jim neiser I don’t know if you ever heard his name but he’s kind of a a bigger name in the Counseling World experienced counselor he’s a counseling Professor he’s the director of counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte he’s also a member of the board of acbc which is the counseling organization that I’m part of but anyways you’re going to I think appreciate his insights by reading those chapters and um we want to talk about them a little bit at the beginning next week any questions about the homework okay even though it’s more pages the pages have bigger margins bigger writing so it actually it’s not going to be so much more than what you’ve already done but let’s talk about and thank you for doing the homework by the way that’s very encouraging to me let’s talk about today’s topic which is God’s design for marriage and we’re going to approach this in a more or less straightforward manner here’s our agenda we’re going to talk about briefly the world’s design for marriage and then we’ll talk about God’s design specifically what is marriage according to God and why marriage according to God what did he make it for let’s start talking about by talking about the world’s design for marriage brainstorm with me from where do people of the world say marriage comes what’s its origin okay yeah biological evolution which is corresponded with social Evolution we’ll say more about that just a second probably other thoughts Donna okay so the institution of marriage is a separate question where does that come from but in terms of people being drawn into marriage it’s about emotion okay other thoughts yeah social construct this is becoming more and more prominent and of an idea in Western culture but the idea is marriage is something that man came up with it was a convenient thing according to the times and situations the social situations that people faced and basically it evolved over time in Hunter Gathering societies it was like this because that was what was convenient but then when you got to agrarian societies well people needed to settle down more and the man needed to be sure that what he passed on to his inheritance was was actually for his own kids so he needed to make sure I have one wife and I know that she is not going to be with anybody else oh but times have changed and so now marriage can be redefined I think some people would would might even argue that marriage can be whatever you want it to be or at least whatever your Society will allow you to make it it’s just an agreement between two people to live life together as long as certain needs are met it’s a unit of social or organization that evolves over time or even it’s the happily ever after Arrangement that you upgrade to after you’ve lived together for a while oh I kind of moved on to the second question where does it come from and what is it so we’ve kind of talked about those both together but what’s it for according to the world What is marriage for self yeah self-fulfillment personal happiness what else Tony yeah it’s for children it’s basically for um populating the Earth producing children producing heirs if you have wealth to pass on any other reasons Mike okay yeah it’s a convenient economic Arrangement it’s the most efficient way to use your wealth and to secure your retirement because you produced children and they’re going to support you in old age this is basically just an economic um uh what’s the word benefit what else yeah I think we’ve mentioned some pretty common ones it’s the ultimate high of life it’s the it’s the great and fulfilling dream it’s the it’s for the meeting of your deepest emotional romantic and sexual needs it’s a it’s for exercising control especially over women and I think we mentioned the other ones now some of these answers that we hear or I’ve just heard they could make sense if we accept the starting premise that marriage is an institution ultimately made by people for people but is that a correct assumption no if we come to know God in the Bible we know that’s not a correc cons uh assumption which means what about all these answers that are given about what marriage is and what it’s for they are wrong or they are incomplete they are misguided so who’s the one who made marriage it’s God marriage was God’s idea he created the institution so if you really want to understand what marriage is and what it’s for you have to go back to God and His design for marriage which is given to us in the Bible and is even given to us in the beginning of the Bible most specifically in Genesis 2 so that’s where’re going to spend the rest of our time investigating we’re looking out God’s design for marriage especially those two questions what is marriage and what is it for so what is marriage according to God’s Bible Well I looked at some different definitions from theologians obviously based on the Bible I’ll give you a couple of these and then I’ll give you my working definition so from Biblical Doctrine which is that book of systematic theology written by the master Seminary staff edited by MacArthur and mayew it defines marriage in this way marriage has only one definition and it is sanctioned by God the union of one man and one woman the marriage is be a public formal and officially recognized Covenant between a man and a woman Jim neiser uh earlier in his book which I’ve assigned you for your homework marriage divorce and remarriage he defines marriage in this way marriage is a lifelong Covenant of companionship between a man and a woman that has been established under God and before the community now you may hear certain common elements between those two definitions I’m going to mostly use Jim NE heiser’s definition and slightly expand it with the terms of explanation or to be helpful in explanation in our class today I’m saying marriage is a lifelong Covenant of full prioritized and exclusive companionship between a man and a woman that has been established under God and before the community now I’m going to support this definition from that foundational text of Genesis two as well as certain other important scriptures that have to do with marriage why use Genesis 2 well if you haven’t turned there already please do if you’re using the Pew Bible it’s on page two what is Genesis 2 all about it is about creation but specifically the creation of what man woman and marriage the first marriage marriage and notice how the chapter ends second to last verse in Genesis 2 for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh in other words how God joined the first husband and wife sets the pattern for all proper human marriages and both how and why a husband come together husband and wife come together in marriage so we’re going to use this passage primarily as we walk through this definition that I provided about what marriage is marriage is first a lifelong Covenant notice Genesis 2:24 says that man shall be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh and that word joined is very strong the idea in Hebrew is attached this is going to be a very strong joining now what does this phrasing have to do with what’s occurred earlier in Genesis chapter 2 why would the idea of strong joining make sense based on what we’ve already read up to this point Donna right okay so we’ll come back to the idea of not being alone nothing else was suitable except what woman comes from where man and when he says to her this is now bone of my bone and Flesh of My My Flesh is that true literally it is true she was taken from his body that is his own bone and flesh he recognize this so then in terms of adjoining what would be being more natural for Adam the man to be joined to than his own bone and flesh it’s him after all it’s just like reuniting with what is him but if that’s the case would it make sense for Adam to then separate himself from his own flesh this is me I’m joined to actually just kidding I I want to be separate no that’s that’s Adam he couldn’t cut apart his own body like that without doing deadly violence to himself thus when God formed the woman from Adam and brought Adam and his wife together this was a divinely wrought permanent Arrangement Adam was not meant to remove himself or join with anyone else but his own flesh and this set the pattern for all human marriages since when you agree to join together with someone else by marriage that person becomes the closest kin you could possibly have it wasn’t literally true before you got married but essentially it becomes true as soon as you get married that person is now your own bone and flesh you once were two but now you are joined you are made one flesh this is a permanent Arrangement this is for life thus we could even say that marriage is a covenant commitment it is a sacred promise a permanent Alliance in which you are saying essentially to the other person like people did in Old Testament times when they passed through animals cut aart animals when they were making a covenant in a covenant ceremony you are saying to that person if I break this Covenant with you let me be like these dead animals that have been cut to Pieces There’s No Going Back unless I die so is marriage serious you bet it’s serious marriage is a lifelong Covenant this means as you can understand that divorce is not really an option for married people divorce is no easy Escape Jesus says in Matthew 19:6 commenting on Genesis 224 and answering a question about divorce Matthew 196 so they are no longer two but one flesh what therefore God has joined together let no man separate Jesus says God himself joins people together as one flesh and marriage thus no one either inside the marriage or outside the marriage is to try to drive those two who have now become one one flesh persons apart or bring about divorce one of the indictments against the alluring adulteress in Proverbs 21:17 is that she leaves the companion of her Youth and forgets the Covenant of her God marriage is a covenant It Is overseen by God is a covenant of joining overseen by God and enforced by God and God also condemns the Jews for violating this one flesh Covenant of marriage by divorcing their likely aging wives to marry more youthful more productive more attractive Pagan women and we see this in Malachi 21:14 kind of famous passage about divorce Malachi 21:14 post excelic Jews are asking why God doesn’t regard their prayers and worship and Malachi replies on behalf of God in Malachi 24-16 because Yahweh has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth against whom you have dealt treacherously through though she is your companion and your wife by Covenant but not one has done so who has a remnant of the spirit and what did that one do while he was seeking a Godly offspring take heed then to your spirit and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth for I hate divorce says Yahweh the god of Israel and him who covers His Garment with wrong says Yahweh of hosts so take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously marriage is a lifelong Covenant if you seek to escape from that Covenant you are dealing treacherously so do you see how wrong the world is in teaching that if Mar doesn’t look work out the way that you like just get a divorce you can always get a divorce I mean try it out you can always get a divorce not according to God’s design he’s the one who came up with marriage in fact when Jesus disciples grasped Jesus teaching on marriage and divorce you know what they said Matthew 19:10 if the relationship of a man with his wife is like this it is better not to marry Jesus you’re saying a person has no way out if they end up with a bad wife or a bad husband better not to marry and you know what Jesus does not dispute that statement because marriage is a lifelong Covenant there is a certain wisdom in avoiding that commitment you don’t know what’s going to happen ultimately in your marriage there’s a certain wisdom in avoiding that only God may end a marriage covenant and he does so by death freeing the bereaved person to remarry now you may ask if all this is true why did God permit the Israelites to get divorces in the Old Testament good question does anyone know the answer Hardness of Heart Jesus himself provides that answer in Matthew 198 Matthew 198 Jesus said because of your Hardness of Heart Moses permitted you to divorce you’re wise but from the beginning it has not been this way God did not approve of the way that the Israelites practiced divorce as we’ve just seen but he knew Israelites would sinfully still get divorces and he introduced laws in the Torah to discourage divorce and to protect the protect the rights of divorced persons especially the women who were being discarded so this was NE God’s desire sign but he tolerated it due to Hardness of Heart in his people now you might ask what about Christians are Christians permitted to get divorced or remarried today at all now you’re going to learn a much Fuller answer in your homework reading this week but the short answer right now is and believeing there’s a lot more to say I’m just giving you the short answer the short answer right now is there are only two cases which a Christian may divorce divor and Remar without sinning against God only two the first case is unrepentant immorality in one spouse unrepentant immorality Jesus says this himself in Matthew 199 I say to you whoever divorces his wife except for immorality and marries another woman commits adultery Jesus also says something similar in Matthew 5:32 if your spouse commits adultery and has shown that he or she is not willing to repent you are permitted but not commanded to end the marriage covenant by divorce that is one exception and the second the second case is abandonment by an unbelieving spouse and this is spelled out specifically in 1 Corinthians 7:15 1 Corinthians 7:15 Paul writes yet if the unbelieving one leaves let him leave the brother or the sister is not under bondage and such cases but God is called to peace now the idea of leaving there is not he physically left but that he wants a divorce he’s initiated a divorce so if you are married to an unbelieving spouse and he wants a divorce or she wants a divorce God not only permits this but actually commands this commands that you accept the divorce for the sake of peace let him leave Paul says that’s a command let him leave for God has called you to peace now again you’ll read much more about this in the homework but don’t focus on the exception and forget the rule marriage is first a lifelong Covenant God’s design is that nothing shall separate you save death what else is marriage marriage is second a full prioritize an exclusive companionship full prioritize an exclusive companionship you see at its core marriage is a companionship relationship for such was the impetus for the creation of woman and the creation of marriage as we see in Genesis 21:18 I think Stephanie made reference to this already but Genesis 218 God says it is not good for the man to be alone and so God provided a special companionship relationship and yet the companionship relationship of marriage is different than any other companionship you might have in this world it is a fuller companionship than any other human relationship for Genesis 2:24 again says they shall become one flesh only in a marriage relationship does a person hold back absolutely nothing from His companion not even his own body for his companions benefit and joy this is a fully intimate relationship yet the sexual aspect of the relationship is emblematic of what is to be true of the relationship as a whole they not only become one in the marriage bed but they become one in all of life all obligations problems hopes dreams desires become shared all benefits and harms are shared all joy happiness and sorrow is shared in a meaningful way they become such comp close companions by God’s joining that you cannot really see where the concerns of one end and the concerns of the other begin they are one so you may have other close relationships in this world and they may be very wonderful but no relationship is designed to be as intimate as the husband wife relationship in marriage it’s full companionship consequently marriage is prioritized companionship for Genesis 2:24 again says for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife before being married a man or a woman prioritizes the old family even the parents yes to a certain degree him or herself but the old family and the parents but the new Full companionship of marriage Demands a shift in priorities it’s a true leaving behind of old devotions for the new Devotion to one’s spouse your own flesh this of course doesn’t mean a severing a relationship with parents or even necess necessarily moving out of their house but it does mean that the new couple has fundamental independence from old obligations old supports and old priorities for the sake of the new priority the new family unit that consists now of that other person in marriage furthermore the companionship is marriage is to be an exclusive companionship marriage is the only relationship designed by God for this kind of intimate life Oneness the world has a decided that the best way to get around the problematic lifelong Covenant part of marriage is to just not get married at all and live together I mean you can enjoy the sexual relationship you can even have intimate Soul companionship without all that serious Covenant commitment marriage stuff but that will not do in God’s Universe marriage is the only authorized relationship for this kind of intimacy so those who attempt to enjoy this intimacy including the sexual fulfillment aspect of it outside of the marriage Covenant outside of the spouse that God has provided or in addition to what God has provided in the marriage and in the spouse any kind of sexual fulfillment or full intimacy outside of that relationship is a violation of God’s design and it invites his wrath as God says specifically Hebrews 134 Hebrews 13:4 says I think I put eight it’s supposed to be four sorry about that marriage is to be held in honor among all and the marriage bed is to be undefiled for fornicators literally the sexually immoral and adulterers God will judge so you see that marriage is full prioritized and exclusive companionship marriage is third between a man and a woman pattern of Madam and ‘s marriage and the summary statement in Genesis 2:24 make clear that God designed marriage only for a male and a female not two males not two females indeed Genesis 2 gives the foundation for why the rest of the Bible condemns homosexual Behavior desire and those who indulge in it as a lifestyle homosexuality does not fit the pattern established by God in Adam and Eve a man shall be joined to his wife Genesis 2:24 additionally notice the number of the nouns in Genesis 2:24 a man singular shall be joined to his wife singular and they shall become one flesh singular more pointedly when Jesus quotes this passage in the New Testament notice how he says it I’ll give you Mark’s version of it Mark 108 Mark 108 Jesus says and the two shall become one flesh so they are no longer two but one flesh 1 + 1 equals two doesn’t it and this fits the pattern of Adam and Eve what’s this mean we can conclude on the basis of Genesis 224 that polygamy goes against God’s design for marriage and is sin polygamy is sin really if God approved of polygamy the beginning of the Earth was the best time for it how much how much faster could the world have been populated if Adam had been given multiple wives but this was not God’s design then and it is not God’s design now marriage is to be between one man and one woman and no one else understandably one of the requirements of Elders and deacons in the New Testament is that they be husbands of only one wife that is they are one women men in accordance with God’s original design but I know the question that will be on your minds now if God really did disapprove of polygamy then why do we see it so many places in the Old Testament especially by men who are otherwise known to be Godly very good question what is the answer mark we are going to make that case so Mark points out it’s never endorsed the Bible does mention that it happened but you also see a lot of trouble come from it Janie you were gonna say something yeah so jod points out that from a human perspective there were certain benefits that would acre to a family or even to a woman if she was part of a polygamous relationship better to be in a polygamous relationship than no marriage at all but from a more fully formed perspective from God’s perspective God has never approved of polygamy we have to think about this like we think about divorce in the Old Testament period God tolerated it simply due to Hardness of Heart this was never his design he never looked on polygamy with approval and really as Mark began to point out the Old Testament shows polygamy brings nothing but trouble it’s not as if the Old Testament writers like God doesn’t like it but this a pretty good thing no almost every time polygamy is mentioned specifically in in terms of a an actual character in a polygamist relationship you see the problems that result for example Abraham married to Sarah and Hagar what was the problem that resulted Strife between the wives and strife between their children same thing for Jacob four wives multiplied Strife multiplied Strife between his children too don’t forget that Joseph is nearly killed by his brothers basically as an indirect result of polygamy and then we have David King David Godly David married to many wives resulted in competition between his sons for the throne which was most seriously seen in absalom’s Rebellion his own son tried to kill his father why indirectly because of polygamy and then Solomon he was married to many wives you know how that turned out they turned his heart away from Yahweh there’s a reason that in the Torah it says when you get a king later he cannot multiply wives but David and Solomon did it that was sin they shouldn’t have entered into those relationships but once they had entered into them they had to maintain them because God had now joined them together with those women the problems of polygamy only make sense because God’s design for marriage is to be as we’ve already seen full prioritized and exclusive companionship and that design is short circuited when you have more than two people in a marriage you can’t give full companionship to someone when you’re dividing that companionship with someone else and you can’t enjoy it you know I think people men in particular are many times seduced by Satan’s lie that the more sexual or romantic Partners you have the more satisfied you will be but the Bible according to God’s good design and even modern surveys testify that the most satisfying number of sexual partners is one people consistently report people who are most satisfied in their sexual relationship only have one partner and that’s what the Bible testifies to God’s design is always the best one don’t fall for Satan’s life God designed marriage to be between one man and one woman till death Parts them marriage is fourth oh yeah sorry marriage is forth established under God this truth is implied in Genesis 2:24 based on what comes before it who was it that created and brought the woman to the man in order to create the first marriage it was God so this was all overseen and accomplished by God moreover Genesis 2:24 notice says that the man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife now if you know English grammar that is a passive voice construction which does not clarify who is the one doing the joining but as is often the case in scripture when you have this passive that doesn’t have an identified actor who is it who is it in this case it’s God God is the one who’s doing the joining a man is joined to his wife by God that’s why Jesus appropriately comments in Matthew 196 what therefore God has joined together let no man separate even if two people get married as unbelievers or even if two people get married and they do not acknowledge God in their ceremony at all their joining is accomplished by and witnessed by God himself therefore God will take note God will take note as to whether every husband and every wife fulfill his or her part of the marriage covenant and he will be ready to judge all those who abuse and violate that marriage covenant all of this is taking place under God marriage is established under God Fifth and finally marriage is before the community here’s a provocative question for you biblically speaking which of the following is required for a marriage to be considered real or valid in God’s eyes a wedding rings b a marriage license c a wedding ceremony in a church with a pastor presiding D vows before Witnesses e all of the above F none of the above give you a minute to think about it the answer is only D bows before witnesses there must be some level of public Proclamation from you and your spouse that you are entering into a marriage covenant together now whether it’s elaborate vows or just a simple declaration that doesn’t matter but there must be some kind of public witness but all those other things not biblically required now I believe it is prudent for you and for the gospel’s sake to get the other items on your list your wife will probably not be satisfied unless you get her a wedding ring it’s prudent for you to get a marriage license and it’s a great testimony to your church and to your family when you get married into church with a pastor presiding but I can’t say that these are biblically required and why not because otherwise most marriages in the Bible maybe all marriages in the Bible would be invalid because you don’t see people in the Bible doing these things they’re not getting wedding rings they’re not seeking out government approval they’re not having ceremonies in a church I mean the church wasn’t invented for a long time and yet their marriages were considered valid but these marriages notice are not kept secret not kept completely secret do you remember when Abraham and Isaac tried to keep their marriages a secret remember what happened or what nearly happened yes Stephanie yeah and God prevented it from becoming much worse than it could have happened but in not acknowledging that they were married and that they were married to a particular person someone else nearly married them and inadvertently was about to commit adultery and they’re both reproved and they say why would you do this to us why didn’t you tell us that you were married and he was like oh I was afraid that you’d kill me because my wife is so beautiful I’m sorry I mean you you nearly gave up your wife to adultery cannot keep our marriage a secret like that you see in publicly announcing your marriage you not only make clear that you and your spouse are off the market but you also allow the public especially your close friends and family your community to hold you accountable to the Covenant commitments of your marriage that’s why we have witnesses that’s why we get married in front of people not just so we can be like hey look we’re married can’t marry either of us now so everybody who’s there can be like all right well we’re going to expect you to uphold the Covenant that God has given in marriage so putting it all together I believe we can say that according to God’s Bible marriage is a lifelong Covenant of full prioritized and exclusive companionship between a man and a woman that is established under God and before the community very different from the world’s definition well we’ve seen what marriage is For What is marriage why marriage according to God and his bible let me answer that for you with seven points and we’ll go through these more briefly since we have less time why marriage number one and this shouldn’t surprise you for companionship for the complimentary companionship help and happiness or I should say for the complimentary help and happiness that the marriage companionship brings he must understand that the purpose stated in the beginning for why marriage is created is companionship sometimes you hear people say oh marriage is for procreation that wasn’t the primary purpose given in the beginning Genesis 28 we are already saw it God said it is not good for the man to not be able to have children not good for the man to be alone I will make him a helper suitable for him from the beginning of creation God saw that man would need a companion whose intimate love and help would be reminiscent of the relationship of the members of the godhead to one another so God created the first woman the first wife and the first marriage and just as God did everything else good in his creation God did Good by providing this companionship of marriage where a husband has one wife who is like him but different she is meant to compliment him she is a helper suitable to him because he needs help in many ways and this was God’s original purpose marriage is thus for mutual help and Happiness by complimentary companionship number two consequent quently marriage is for the most excellent prosperous and blessed co- stewardship of the earth remember God said that he made Adam’s wife to be a helper to him what was the main task with which Adam was going to need help well God actually gave the main task to both man and woman in Genesis 1:26 and 27 what is that task well later in is it Genesis 3 or Genesis 2 I think it talks about God gave for Adam to care for the garden so that would be true in a in a more local sense but in Genesis 1 the main task is Rule oh sorry Jackson would have gotten your hand to rule remember Genesis 126 and 27 then God said let us make man in our image according to our likeness and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the Earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the Earth and then so he’s like we need to have someone in our image to rule and then in verse 27 God created man in his own image in the image of God he created him male and female he created them to rule this Earth Adam couldn’t leave Eve off to one side while he took care of man’s work no the business of rule required both male and female participation even the wisdom and giftings of both husband and wife and you know what this is still true though yes God has given the leadership role of families and churches to men men need the participation of women men especially need the participation of their wives to lead families to lead or to yeah lead I guess I could say churches well and ultimately to Ste this whole planet well before God there’s no room for okay the men are going to take care of all the important stuff women you go off to the side no this is a co- stewardship this is co- rule yes man is the head but we need women we need wives to do this work well now another part of the original mandate to Adam and Eve is another purpose of marriage which is number three for the happy multiplication of image bearing under rulers on the earth Genesis 128 so the very next verse of what we just looked at says about our first parents God blessed them and God said to them be fruitful and multiply and fill the Earth and subdue it and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth really this is just a uh an outgrowth of that first command how are you going to rule the Earth well well you’re going to need more rulers with you more image bearers and you’re going to make them yourselves this first part of the verse indicates God’s intention that the first couple would be fruitful and multiply that is have children bear and raise up more people made in the image of God so that they may assist in the work I’ve given you to rule the Earth on God’s behalf now notice verse 28 is a command but you need to recognize what kind of command Genesis 128 is a command reminiscent of another command or just this is just for example same kind of command as have a happy birthday you ever say that to somebody have a happy birthday do you realize you’re giving them a command but what kind of command is it does this have a happy birthday or else no this is a blessing it’s a expressed blessing it’s well-wishing I want you to have a happy birthday please have a happy birthday yes technically it’s a command but really it’s a blessing and it’s the same thing with this one here it’s true and God’s revealed will he wants the Earth to be filled with his image bearers Adam and Eve were going to be the first couple who would help accomplish that but understand this command in Genesis 1 128 is a word of blessing and that’s exactly as the Hebrews would understand it God expects that Adam and Eve were going to want to have children and God is telling them that’s what I want for you to please have at it may you be so blessed that the Earth is filled with your descendants this should be a happy command to fulfill why am I emphasizing this because I want you to see that this purpose of God in producing children is not meant to be a burden this is not have kids or else it’s meant to be a blessing it’s for the happiness of the parents on Earth there’s one thing the Bible’s consistent when it talks about children is that children are a blessing though our culture does not believe that why else marriage number four for the enjoyment and protection of exclusive sexual intimacy for some parts of Christian history Christian teachers have not been sure what to think about the sexual aspect of the marriage relationship some famous teachers especially in the medieval period concluded that sexual pleasures were sinful or if not sinful they were at least dangerous don’t have too much of it definitely don’t seek it out it’s dangerous some even Tau that sexual desire was a result of the Fall these things are not true God made sex part of marriage before the fall and God made marriage very good so that means the sexual aspect of marriage is very good it’s holy it’s honorable there’s absolutely nothing evil about sexual pleasure in marriage rather the enjoyment of sexual intimacy is part of God’s purpose for marriage for man’s good and God’s glory Proverbs 5:15 to 20 Song of Solomon Hebrews 13 fall for they all commend the sexual aspect of marriage as honorable and good it is to be enjoyed Furthermore with sin now in the world the pleasurable sexual intimacy of marriage is intended to help protect married persons from the temptation to search outside of marriage for fulfillment Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 71:2 1 Corinthians 71:2 now concerning the things about which he wrote it is good for a man not to touch a woman it’s good not to get married I commend that but because of immoralities each man is to have his own wife and each woman is to have her own husband this is a safeguard Paul says something similar in 1 Corinthians 78 and9 moving on a fifth purpose of marriage is for the sanctification of husband and wife this is definitely a post-fall purpose now that sin has entered into the world all people and all relationships including the husband and wife relationship are affected by the curse of sin thus a relationship that should only have been one of enjoyment help and blessing frequently becomes one that experiences hurt misunderstanding and sorrow often magnified due to the intimacy of their relationship probably nobody can hurt you as much as your spouse can because you’re such intimate companions add to this the trials and futilities that now exist in a broken World especially in the raising of children and you have a recipe for an unhappy marriage but for the Christian God uses even these regrettable realities for good Romans 828 especially by utilizing them to make those in marriage more like Christ and therefore better husbands and wives James says in James 1 2:4 this isn’t specifically about marriage but it applies to marriage James 1:2-4 consider it all joy my brethren when you encounter various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance and let endurance have its perfect result so that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing truly all the one and other commands of the Bible they find their first applic in marriage but also all the promises about the inevitability of Trials and the goodness of what those trials produce in a faithful believer they also find first application in marriage your wife your husband will be a great source of trial for you but it will be if you will let it for your good Martin Luther called marriage the school of character and it can be that for each one of us who are married a school in Christ likeness one that ultimately leads to blessing this is tied with the next purpose for marriage number six marriage is for a witness to the world and the power of the power and love of Christ if you think married Christians struggle with the trials of marriage imagine the people of the world who do not have the spirit of God they are constantly reaping what they Sow by sin yet they cannot understand why their marriages and why other relationships yield such unpleasant and poisonous fruit no wonder marriage has a bad rap among many in the world because they will not do it God’s way and they can’t figure out why marriage is so unpleasant thus we Christians have an opportunity and a calling to shine as lights in a dark World by how righteously we behave in our marriages not only thereby shining the light of a happy marriage before the world one that is committed and conforming to God’s design John 13:35 by this all men will know that you are my disciples if you love from one another look at the love that these Christians have for one another they’ve got something that we don’t blessed happy marriage is going to be a witness to the world but even more powerful even a more powerful witness to the world as a spouse in an unhappy marriage in a difficult marriage maybe to an unbeliever just a disobedient believer and that spouse still walks righteously with God upheld by God and the strength and joy that only he can provide and committed to Holiness and serving that spouse even if the spouse does not reciprocate that is a huge witness to the world and it fits with the general exhortation of 1 Peter 2:12 1 Peter 212 speaking to Christians keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles so that in the thing which they slander you as evildoers they may because of your good deeds as they observe them glorify God in the day of visitation when you love those who love you well the world can understand that your husband’s so good you love him I get that but when you love those who don’t love you the world doesn’t know what to do with that your husband is so neglectful of you why do you love him your wife is so disrespectful of you why do you care for her why do you treasure her why are you prioritizing her in your life say because of Christ now you’re being a real witness to the world a powerful witness remember your marriage is not ultimately a private Affair you must be aware of how your marriage serves as a source of witness both to the world but also to the church your marriage can be a great source of encouragement or discouragement to other people in the church because they’ll see whether you really love Christ and are willing to follow his way it can also be a source of great testimony or blasphemy to the people of the world when you will not follow God’s way yet claim to be a Christian you blaspheme Christ with your marriage because marriage is ultimately tied to one final purpose for a further revelation of God and his relationship with his people in Ephesians 5:31 and 32 Paul reveals something about Genesis 2:24 that was not known in the Old Testament not clearly known not clearly appreciated but in the New Covenant Paul is able to say for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh the mystery is great but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church this mystery to which Paul refers is that marriage was always intended to picture God the son’s own relationship to his people in the church this unveiled mystery not only shows how husband and wives therefore should act with one another which is what we’re going to talk about the next two weeks but it also gives insight into God himself and his relationship with his people we see in marriage because it is a picture of Christ in the church the reprehensibility of idolatry because it’s spiritual adultery we see the overflowing real love that Jesus have for his church and we see the delightful expectation Believers are to have in the consummation that is coming for those who are spiritually married to Christ in the last day marriage is just a picture of that a pointer of that after all remember Jesus declared that there is no marriage no sex no procreation for those who are going to experience the coming Resurrection when that comes those things will pass away why weren’t these things good in God’s original design yes but they were ultimately just pictures and when the fullness of what those things pictures pictured comes there’s no need for the pictures anymore if the picture was good how much better will the fullness be so if that’s ultimately what marriage is about that’s why you cannot afford to blaspheme god with your marriage it’s about his glory it’s about testifying of the relationship of God with his people you can’t give false testimony there if you do God will take note considering all these purposes I think we can see why God is zealous for marriage according to his design so a few application questions ask yourself based on what you’ve heard I’ll just list these for you do you see marriage the way that God sees it are the purposes that you have for your marriage the same as God’s purposes for your marriage would you just think like the world marriage is about my happiness no God says marriage is about ultimately my glory and your sanctification even though yes happiness will be involved in it are your purposes that you have for your marriage the same as God’s purposes for your marriage and if not how do you need to change your own perspective change your habits change your priorities to better align with God’s purposes for marriage that’s all the time we have for this week um because Benjamin is sick today I won’t be going home right afterwards so if you have questions come up and share with me after class or of course you can always send me an email next week as I said we’ll start to speak more in depth more in depth about God’s ordained roles for husband and wife in marriage and we’re going to start with the husbands don’t forget your homework assignment to read those excerpted passages from marriage divorce and remarriage and write those observations and questions let’s close in prayer Lord marriage is a good gift thank you thank you for marriage thank you for the marriages of this church and yet it is a gift to be stewarded appropriately Lord to be used according to your original design and for your original purposes forgive us God for where we get away from that and we start thinking according to our own wisdom or the wisdom of the world rather than the wisdom of your word I thank you for how you have blessed so many of our marriages but where there are still trials where there are difficult marriages yet in our church Lord I pray that you would indeed sanctify the person’s in those marriages and that they would be committed to your way even when the other person is not responding if you as you’ve designed because that is such a testimony of your love and your power in that person’s life Lord we cannot do marriage without your help but You’ promised to give it so we will walk by faith before you in our marriages in Jesus name amen thank you everyone