In this lesson, Pastor Dave Capoccia overviews God’s design for wives according to the Bible. More specifically, Pastor Dave investigates three fundamental roles that a Christian wife should seek to fulfill:
1. A Christian wife is a helper to her husband
2. A Christian wife practices submission to her husband
3. A Christian wife honors her husband
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good morning good morning we will begin Sunday school since it is now 9:00 let me pray as we begin our time Heavenly Father show us more of your wise design for marriage and in particular the way you have designed wives to act and to live in marriage I pray that this would be a blessed time in Jesus name amen we are hitting our stride now as we move to lesson five of our Biblical counseling for marriage and parenting Sunday school class before we get to the new material let’s go over the homework from last week last week I asked you to read a few excerpts from Jim new heiser’s book marriage divorce and remarriage you were write five observations and questions so what are some things that you wrote so you reading about why most questions about div words are easy to answer why some are hard and then what are the two biblical exceptions for divorce you going to say something of man be happy complely not answer right right yeah so Leela I think probably from that first chapter people seeking divorce because they want to be happy surely God wants to be happy but even the famous Westminster catechism talks about well what is the and the man what are we made for we’re made for God we are made for his glory and for the enjoyment of him not happiness just in whatever circumstances we prefer to see ourselves other questions or observations yeah Mark so I really appreciate the two exceptions what I struggled with was he talked about God people the old and I need little and to me as I look at that that almost trumps that like in the sense that God always tries to redeem even Unfaithful people he remains faithful if we faithless he remains faithful so I’m thinking that has some really strong implications even if particular if a husband has an Unfaithful wife what what does he do with that I think that teaches us something that of of a Pursuit and not giving up so quickly right I yes so Mark bringing up question you called it a struggle between the idea that God divorced Israel in the Old Testament could the author have said more about that especially the idea of pursuing an Unfaithful spouse and certainly we could talk much more about that I think there is a lot to say there he doesn’t get into Hosea but it is certainly one of the truths of scripture that though God has in a sense given Israel certificate of divorce he’s not done with her and even up to that point he had been so patient so patient so that’s why though not all Christian counselors will say that it is for unrepentant immorality that somebody is permitted to get a divorce they’ll say oh any immorality you have you have freedom to leave that relationship I say that is not like God that is not like God in the Old Testament and that is not like the Forgiveness that Christians have been called to practice in all U manners of sins so it is certainly true when you look at what God was doing with isra in the Old Testament his certificate of divorce didn’t come until centuries of unfaithfulness and even then God promises I’m still not done I will get her again I will go after her and I will betroth her to me in faithfulness so that she will have no other lovers besides me and she will be So Satisfied in me and that’s part of why we do affirm that as Paul says in in Romans 11 I think all Israel will be saved he is going to come back for uh his people um His People Israel but anyways that is definitely the heart of God that’s a good observation Stephanie we are today how um like idolist go out after the things of the world we do that as well and we turn our back on God the things of the world but he always forgives and draws us back onto himself that is a good point I mean if we’re going to talk about oh you have you have freedom to divorce any kind of immorality anytime even if person’s for you know repentant even if it took place years ago well if we just go back to the the theological analogy then God could have divorced he should have divorced all of us immediately even after we came to Faith they’d be like sorry you were spiritually idolatrous in that moment I’m I’m done with this marriage but God isn’t like that so again I think that’s very instructive going back to Mark’s Point as to what should be the attitude for our spouses towards our spouses and marit it’s not like some spouses who are just looking for an excuse to divorce and they’re like aha you did one thing one time and I’m out of here that is not that is not the stance not if you have a heart like God’s no there’s much more to bring back about the voice based even on our last lesson this is not the easy way out this is oh I’m not even going to think about that except in the most extreme of circumstances in exceptional circumstances permitted by the Bible because I’m committed like God to love my spouse even though he or she is imperfect now there’s a lot more I would love to talk about in that that homework assignment but we have some important things to talk about today when I want to make sure we have time for it but I hope that was a blessing to you um informative instructive let me talk about next week homework I have another thing for you to read and it is also on the subject of divorce but on a different perspective unfortunately divorce is one of those things that we need to be equipped to counsel people about especially our brothers and sisters in the church but as so far you’ve read more about divorce on the biblical theological side this next article or rather chapter excerpt is going to be on the Practical side if somebody is going to go through a divorce what should they expect and how should that affect your counseling so I want you to read this chapter from Men counseling men this is by Ed wild and it is called when marriage problems become legal problems only about 17 pages long if I count it correctly so it’s a little bit less than last week edwi by the way is a certified acbc counselor he’s a lawyer and he’s a professor at the Masters University so I’m sure he has some good things to share with us questions about the homework all right well on to today’s topic God’s design for wies that may have been surprising to you because I indicated in the first lesson that we would do God’s D designed for husbands first but I ultimately decided to follow the pattern of the New Testament they always talk about wives first we’re going to talk about wives first I submit to you based on the truth of scripture and I think you could agree with this there are many unhappy wives in the world many discontented wives in the world even among Christians even among professing Christians and the problem is not for these wives that happiness and contentment are impossible for them they just can’t seem to find it really is that these wives do not know how or they’re simply not willing to follow God’s way in marriage this is tragic since God’s design since God is the designer of women and of marriage he certainly knows how to make a wife happy even knows how to make her content even in an imperfect marriage because the Bible indicates lasting joy for a wife does not ultimately come from having a loving husband or having obedient kids true Joy comes from knowing and walking with Jesus Christ and that means therefore embracing Christ calling two wives in marriage in accordance with God’s original design so if you really want to be contented don’t worry about what your husband does embrace your calling from me there you’ll find Joy so let’s talk about God’s design for wives and we’re going to do so according to three main categories three main categories that come from the Bible we’re going to talk about a wife being a helper to her husband talk about a wife practicing submission to her husband and talk about a wife honoring her husband we’ll start with the first concept the Christian wife as a helper now where do you suppose this design the wife as a helper is first articulated by God in the Bible genis Genesis we were just there Genesis 2:18 surprise surprise the creation of the first woman and the first marriage is going to be a place where we see something important about God’s design for wives so why don’t you take your Bibles and turn to Genesis 2:18 it’s just the first couple pages in from your Bible and look at this verse With Me Genesis 2:18 it says then the Lord that is Yahweh then Yahweh God said it is not good for the man to be alone I will make him a helper suitable for him now up to this point we focused on the first part of this verse now we’re looking at the last part a helper suitable for him who’s the him in that phrase the man Adam her husband so God designed the first wife to be a helper to her husband and grasp one implication of this who is supposed to take the lead in the relationship of husband and wife the man the husband that only makes sense a helper is by definition not the leader help someone else who is taking the lead we should ask though is it shameful or demeaning to be only a helper it is not and how can we say say that for certain say that Eric now certainly we can just simply say well God’s design is this and this is before the fall and God said everything before the fall was good very good so this has to be good but there’s something else we can say Judy that’s right if we just pay attention to the language of the Bible God himself calls him a himself a helper to man psalm 54:4 behold God is my helper the Lord is the sustainer of my soul Judy mentioned Jesus says the holy spirit is a Helper and did you know Jesus is also called a helper the word translated helper in John 14:26 pericos is also the word used in 1 John 2:1 usually translated Advocate but it’s the same word it means helper the one who comes alongside isn’t that what a wife does she’s in Good Company then because God also is a helper grasp another implication from Genesis 21:18 how will a husband fare without his wife’s help not well that’s the whole reason that the verse starts with it’s not good for man to be alone he needs his wife’s help and he needs her help even in the most important task that God gave to man at the beginning and that was to rule and Steward the earth I said this before but let me say it again God’s design is not at all that husbands should do the important work while wives just take care of the trivial tasks no husbands need their wives even in the most important tasks of Life the most important work of life now notice again what kind of helper it says that the wife the woman is in Genesis 218 she is a helper suitable for him you might even have a little note in your Bible we do in the Pew Bible the Hebrew literally is corresponding to him you see God designed the wife to be a perfect helper to her husband and that perfect kind of help doesn’t come by duplicating the husband it’s not like he’s perfect and we just need more of that no he has his strengths but he also has his weaknesses he needs a helper who corresponds to him who compliments him who completes him I’ve heard couples tell me in counseling but we’re just so different she doesn’t think like I do or he doesn’t think like I do and you know what I say that’s good that’s a feature and not a bug this is part of God’s design the key though is leveraging your differences for your relationship’s benefit instead of for your relationship’s harm Okay so let’s tabulate some of the truths that we can see here from Genesis 2:18 and I gave you to them gave them to you all at once here on the slide the Christian wife is designed by God to be the ideal helper to her husband and in his sovereignty he knows who that particular person is you can’t be like well I would have had the ideal helper if i’ just been more selective with who I married well God sovereignly brought you together so he says in one sense she’s the ideal for you she is his perfect compliment she completes him this is where we get that term complementarianism she’s the perfect compliment she is a valuable contributing member in the partnership she’s not just an addendum that you don’t really need no she’s valuable she needs to be there she’s a partner in the work of Life her husband is her primary Ministry from the beginning she was designed the wife was designed to be a helper to her husband so he is her primary ministry that’s not a bad thing she will find her greatest joy and contentment in fulfilling her role as a helper to him not meant to be a drag it’s meant to be a blessing now one of the most important ways that a wife will help her husband should help her husband is by practicing submission yet submission has almost become like a bad word for many in the world today people link the idea of a submissive wife submissiveness to backwardness oppression slavery misogyny a truly enlightened husband will treat his wife as an equal partner with equal say equal Authority these ideas have even found their ways into the church with prominent evangelicals advocating for what is commonly called egalitarianism so you have complementarianism egalitarianism the egalitarians say in Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek slave nor free male nor female quoting Galatians therefore there should be no predefined gender roles in marriage or in the church and as for the Bible passages that prescribe the submission of the wife to her husband that say the wife must submit to her husband oh those were just accommodations to the culture of the time just like slavery was we got rid of slavery let’s get rid of this too really God’s design was eventually for wives to have complete Freedom total sameness with men when it comes to Authority and roles well is the argument of the egalitarians correct when Paul and Peter command wives to submit to their husbands are they merely accommod in cultural prejudices of the time yet Don’t Rock the Boat just submit to your husbands eventually we’ll get rid of that rule is that accurate no that is not accurate because what is the true basis for a husband’s headship and a wife’s submission in marriage yeah mik leadership of church well that is going to be a huge part of it the picture of Christ in the church but there’s something even before that okay we’re gon to make reference to the Trinity but via what I’m trying to get at here Leela blessing okay it is going to result in blessing but the true basis the foundation the primary argument for why this should be the arrangement in marriage is that this was established at creation it goes back to creation and if you think about it and we’ve been seeing this a little bit over the past few weeks what details of the man’s creation the woman’s creation and marriage’s Creation in Genesis 2 show that the husband is to be the head to whom the wife should submit give me one Jonathan Adam was created first Adam was created first what’s another one Mike okay woman was created out of men Mark you mentioned okay what else yeah Judy or Jody okay that is a good point but that is not at creation that’s after the fall Eve takes the fruit she sins and yet god holds Adam primarily responsible for it that affirms headship but even back of creation we have Man created first woman was created from man woman was created for the man as we just looked at as a suitable helper God brought the woman to the man he didn’t bring man to the woman or bring them both to some neutral place and the man names The Woman twice and naming is a mark of authority especially in ancient times by the way the Apostle Paul cites some of these same creation details when he explains why women and wives are not to have positions of Spiritual Authority in the church 1 Timothy 2:13-14 also 1 Corinthians 11: 3-12 so marriage roles do not arise as a result of the fall but as a result of creation this was part of God’s very good design yet Mankind’s fallen into sin has affected marriage roles in what way yeah so Stephanie mentioned the woman wanted to dominate the man but that’s not the only problem the man also exercises sinful leadership over the woman he tries to dominate the wom or he Advocates his leadership the fall meant that the curse of sin affected the marriage roles so that husband and wife are inclined not to follow God’s design thus sin has caused marriages to become a Battleground for influence and Authority Stephanie mentioned wives are often trying to usurp the authority of their husbands husbands often trying to unlo un lovingly dominate their wives or even abdicate leadership and I do think the Bible even alludes to this in Genesis 3:16 When God says your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you compare that with Genesis 4:7 What God Says to Cain and this isn’t about oh you’re just going to love him and he’s going to lead you no this is about you’re going to be coming into conflict about who’s in control who calls the shots in this marriage and with so many marriages across the centuries exhibiting an ugly Distortion of God’s original design of headship and submission you can understand the desire of some in the egalitarian Camp to get rid of marriage roles to repudiate any kind of call to submission but this is not the way back to blessing no in Christ we are fundamentally freed from the curse of Sin from its domination over us so we can return to God’s original marriage design and actually fulfill it and this is actually what Christ has commanded us to do through the word of the Apostles not only will righteous headship and righteous submission reflect God’s original creation design but as Mike already mentioned for us this reflects another profound reality the relationship of Christ and his church remember we already talked about this the marriage marriage institution is a picture of something something even greater and so there’s another reason for us to fulfill these roles but what exactly is the submission to which the wife is supposed to practice in marriage according to God’s original design perhaps it would be better to talk first about what a Christian wife submission is not I’ve got seven of these points number one a Christian’s wife’s submission is not a sign of inequality or of lesser essential worth a common assertion of egalitarians is that submission necess necessarily connotes inequality I mean aren’t men and women both image bearers before God are we not both equal inheritors of Salvation blessing you require submission you make men and women unequal now we complementarians readily affirm the equal worth and blessing of men and women but we dispute that a difference in roles means a difference in value or essential worth and the most obvious Counterpoint to present in the complementarian view is what Mark was alluding to earlier we can look to God himself how does God himself show that complimentmlb yeah go ahead holy spirit is what okay the holy spirit is our helper what does it have to do with marriage rules okay yeah so we just talked about how Jesus and uh the Holy Spirit take the role of helper helper is not a leader helper is a follower submitter so there it is right there to speak even um to to broaden the theological picture a little bit we know that in the Trinity the persons of the godhead are equal they are the same in essence they are the same in glory and eternality and yet they are not the same in role in the economy of the trinity in the way they act with creation they are not the same in role the father sends the son the son submits to the father and the spirit is sent by the father and the son so the Son and the spirit submits even within the Trinity relationship in terms of the acts acts with creation so clearly in the godhead you have equality in essence and worth difference in role and if that can be true of God certainly that can be true of marriage which God designed really in a way to reflect God so no Christian submission Christian wife submission is not a sign of inequality number two a Christian wife submission is not a testimony of her husband’s Perfection a wife does not submit to her husband because her husband is never going to sin or make a mistake no the Bible is quite obvious that even Christian husbands will be imperfect Christians do not Del Christians do not live in a delusion in which we assume men and husbands they can do no wrong oh you can Smit because they’re just going to be perfect no no we know that’s not the case number three a Christian wife’s submission is not passivity or inability wife is not supposed to just sit around look pretty isolated at home while her husband takes care of everything in the marriage the church the job the household no the wife has gifts and talents given to her by God and she is to be using them both inside the home and even outside the home to help her husband to help the church and to help others around her even as she looks to follow her husband’s lead number four a Christian wife’s submission is not silence one of the primary ways a wife will help her husband is by talking to him by providing him with councel he will greatly benefit from her different perspective from her input also out of submission to Christ and love for her husband a Christian wife may need to confront sin in her husband and if necessary appeal to her husband as she follows the church discipline process she’s not to remain silent in the marriage that is not submission number five a Christian wife submission is not intellectual or theological stagnation in many cultures over the centuries women have been regarded as incapable of profound thought or of theological rigor but this is a wholly unjustified view according to the scriptures a Christian wife is called to think after Christ’s own mind to grow in wisdom and to learn more about the world so that she can be a greater help to her husband and others so a Christian wife is not to become a naive intellectual doormat who just lets everyone else think for her no she is called to think for herself after the mind of Christ number six a Christian wife’s submission is not a giving up of all meaningful influence in the world the world will tell wives that if wives don’t adopt a me and my rights first mentality well those wives can give up ever trying to amount to anything or accomplishing anything significant in life however while accomplishing worldly goals of significance is not a Christian’s priority a Christian wife’s righteous behavior in marriage including submission actually maximizes it magnifies her influence for good in the world especially towards and through her husband children and church and then number seven a Christian wife’s submission is not a cover for sinful manipulation you may have heard the phrase my husband is the head but I’m the neck that turns the head that’s kind of clever but that does not reflect God’s design for Godly submission submission is not merely outward Conformity yes dear I submit to you nor does outward submission make up for sinful and selfish attempts to get the husband to do whatever the wife wants and to follow her lead her direction that is not true submission so if these are what a Christian wife submission is not not what actually is a Christian wife submission and for that I’ve got 10 points and many of them are going to be based off of Paul’s passag on submission in Ephesians 5 so if you would please turn there Ephesians 5 there are three main passages in the New Testament that talk about the roles of husband and wife Colossians 3 Ephesians 5 1 Peter 3 but we’re going to focus on Ephesians 5 and a little bit of 1 Peter 3 Ephesians 5 first we talked in the second lesson of our course about the importance of the oh actually before I say that let me give you the first point in the bullet outline here what is a Christian wife’s submission number one it is part of a divine plan of function and order now I’ll say we talked in the second lesson of our course about the importance of the family and we noted that the family is the basic unit of social organization and even government upon which all other human institutions are based if that’s true how is the family supposed to be governed and governed well well God has laid out the blueprint for us in the concept of headship and submission and if you look at Ephesians 5 look at verses 21 and 22 I’m in John that’s not going to be helpful Ephesians 5 that’s right John is also good all right Ephesians 5: 21-22 notice what it says there and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ wives be subject to your own husbands ask the Lord you see the phrase be subject in these verses this is a translation of the Greek verb hoot taso which itself the meaning comes from a combination of a prefix hoo meaning under and taso meaning to arrange in order together the meaning is to arrange in order under now the form of pataso that’s used in verses 21 and 22 I won’t bother you with the grammatical term but it emphasizes action taken upon oneself so the sense of the verb in these two verses is to arrange oneself in order under another under another’s Authority or simply to submit oneself to subject oneself it’s something thing a person does to him or herself now we actually see this form this form of taking action upon oneself of hupotasso used in extra biblical literature to describe the lining up of soldiers under the authority of their commander and soldiers need to be well organized lest they be unprepared for battle and fall prey to the enemy so by using this same term to describe a wife’s role in regard to her husband what is God communicating to us to us it is that a Christian wife’s submission consists of her arranging herself in order under her husband’s God ordained Authority this is an orderly arrangement and that when a wife arranges herself in this way she brings order to the entire family and she ends the power struggle that might otherwise exist in the marriage no question of who’s going to have the authority here who’s going to have the authority there no I am choosing to arrange myself under my husband because God made him the authority that statement I just made flows right into number two of what a Christian’s wife’s submission is it is voluntary it is not forced did you notice that the command given in verse 22 is given to the wives and not to their husbands there’s a reason for that the wife’s submission is to be her own choice out of submission to the Lord she submits to her husband she subjects herself it is not the husband’s job to force her to submit no this is a voluntary action number three what else is a Christian wife’s submission it is the epitome of the way of life of every believer what you talking about well let me explain actually using verses 21 and 22 again do you see your Bibles in verse 22 that the words be subject or or whatever phrase your particular Bible translation uses do you see that it’s in italics does anybody know why that is it is not there in the original text but the sense is there therefore the translators have written it in but you might ask well come on this is like one of the most important verses about a wife’s role in marriage that she needs to submit to her husband and the words submit or the words be subject are not actually there in the text how can that be well the answers because the words are supplied in the verse that comes before verse 21 where it says and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ though let me show you something I want to give you a more literal translation of Ephesians 5:21 going into 522 and and to do that let me actually back up to verse recall if you’ve looked at this passage before starting in verse 18 Paul describes what the Spirit-filled life should look like that characterizes all Christians and he’s continuing to do that as he goes into verse 20 listen to a more literal translation of verse 20 going to verse 22 Paul says always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God even the father and being subject to one another in the fear of Christ wives to your husbands as to the Lord do you see what Paul did there he took a characteristic behavior of all Spirit-filled Christians being subject to one another and he applied it to the specific relationship of a wife to her husband now Paul has more relationships in mind that have to do with submission than just this one as we can see just if we keep on reading in Ephesians only a few verses later Paul applies the same concept to Children toward their parents and slaves toward their masters and you may say but wait I don’t see the word submission there well it’s true Ephesians 61 and Ephesians 65 they use a different Greek word hoopa kuo and then we have the translation children o obey your parents and slaves be obedient to those who your masters okay is obedience the same as submission actually when describing the relationship of wives to husbands children to parents slaves to Masters the words obey and subject yourself are used more or less interchangeably you say I don’t believe that well let me just point out some details from you for you in a parallel passage in 1 Peter 2 and three we have another discussion of submission and listen to what Peter says there to Slaves or servants he says slaves 1 Peter 218 be submissive to your masters with all respect and Ephesians he says obey and Peter he says submit also in 1 Peter 3:1 and six Peter says in the same way you wives be submissive to your husbands then verse 6 just as Sarah obey Abraham calling him the Lord and you would become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear say what’s your point Pastor Dave my point is that all Christians are called to voluntarily Place ourselves in order under God ordained authorities the ones that he has put in our lives whether it be governments or church Elders or parents or bosses or husbands God didn’t single out wives for this submission gig no voluntary submission to God ordained authorities is a distinctly Christian characteristic and this is a radical witness to the world and by the way why do we Christians submit to all these authorities when we know that they are imperfect Tony okay to glorify the Lord other the thoughts fear of his sovereignty okay out of fear of him and acknowledgement of his sovereignty that is also true any other answers we can provide Mike okay we are commanded to by the Lord specifically and I say that we are just like them can you explain that a little bit more okay there there’s a good point even though yes the ones we submit who are imperfect so are we so there needs to be a certain humility there let me remind you of something that Romans 13 says it is for the Lord’s sake that we submit to authorities because what’s Paul’s argument there all authorities are established by God therefore when you honor the authorities he’s established whose authority are you really honoring God’s and when you rebel against the authorities that he’s established whose authority are you really rebelling against against Gods so submitting to the authorities that God has placed in our lives his ordained authorities that is a notably Christian characteristic wives are just one obvious example of that and by the way one other implication from this truth sometimes you hear Christians teach based on Ephesians 5:21 that Christians are to practice Mutual submission Christians should all be submitting to one another everybody submitting to everybody else but that is a misunderstanding of Paul’s intent in Ephesians 521 Paul cannot be saying in that verse that every Christian is to line himself up in order under every other Christian because that would simultaneously make every Christian an authority and no Christians in Authority it would be chaos if we followed through with the logic now yes Christians do have mutual obligations to love and serve one another but the way that looks changes depending on the nature of the relationship which is exactly what we see in what follows in Ephesians 5:22 going into chapter 6 husbands are not called to submit to their wives parents are not called to submit to their children the nature of their love and service changes depending on the relationship that God has established so what Paul is saying in Ephesians 5:21 is that Christians as ones being filled by the spirit to the fullness of Christ Christ are to submit to one another according to whatever Authority submission relationships God has placed them in and that’s exactly what you see in Ephesians 5:22 and following okay that was a little bit longer explanation for that point what else is a Christian wife submission number four a Christian wife submission is proof of her love both to her husband and to Christ don’t get misled here we often repeat to one another oh wives are to submit to their husband and husbands are to love their wives and we might think oh well wives don’t need to love their husbands they just need to submit to them that is not true of course wives need to love their husbands John 1512 certainly applies to wives John 15:12 this is my commandment that you love one another just as I loved you but as I was saying before voluntarily arranging herself under the authority of her husband is one of the main ways that a wife is going to show love to her husband Antichrist number five a Christian wife’s submission is an attitude in addition to an action look again in Ephesians 5:22 it says wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord Paul instructs wives to submit to their husbands in the same way that they submit to the Lord or that they are to submit to the Lord now there are several important implications from that statement but one is submission cannot be Skin Deep after all would Christ be satisfied with mere outward submission while the heart is not submissive certainly he would not and if that is true about submission of submission to Christ and submission to Christ is the model for submission to one’s husband then a humble attitude of submission must also characterize the Christian wife who is subjecting herself to her husband that being said number six a Christian wife’s submission is ultimately an act of the will and not a feeling yes a Godly wife ought to cultivate submissive feelings toward her husband but she cannot wait till she feels like submitting before she actually does so and follows his lead why not if she waits for the feeling how long is she going to wait probably forever there are certain acts of obedience that you probably will never feel like because of the flesh that is still in US you will never feel like doing so as with other instances like this in the Christian Life the Christian M wife must obey first by faith and trust that the feelings will come after and they often do this is where you have to choose Faith over the flesh I saw that hand but maybe we’ll come back at the end I want to make sure that we get to everything number seven all right here’s a big one a Christian wife submission is comprehensive look at Ephesians 5:22 again wives be subject to your husband’s as to the Lord does a Christian wife hold back anything in her submission to Christ no she should not and again if Christ is the model then she used to hold back nothing in her submission to her husband either except of course that which would cause her to no longer submit to Christ that would cause her to disobey the Lord now does that sound radical well in case you miss the membo we also have Ephesians 5:24 just a few verses later but as the church is subject to Christ so also the wives ought to be to their husband husbands in everything does the church Christ redeemed body hold back any submission or obedience to her head no she is not to do so then in the same way Paul himself spells it out wives ought to subject themselves to their husbands in everything what’s included in everything everything that’s comprehensive submission isn’t it such a calling from Christ therefore leaves no room for I just follow my husband’s general direction but not his specific requests or commands or I submit to him in the important things but not the minor things or I submit to him when I think he’s right or when his position is reasonable would the church ever say these things about submission to Christ should not of course therefore a Christian wife has no right to any stance short of allinclusive submission this means just by way of example she submits in matters of work and employment money food and drink clothes physical intimacy parenting home location and home organization now to be sure a Christian wife may find herself at times more than willing but simply unable to follow her wife’s I mean follow her husband’s lead or to fulfill his request but again just as Christians do or are to do and every other god-ordained submission relationship the wife does her best to line herself under line herself up under her husband’s Authority and follow his Direction it’s the same thing with submission to Elders in the church church or submission to the government you don’t say oh I’m going to submit you on some things and I’m not going to submit you on other things you say I’d love to submit to you in that area but I’m physically unable I’d love to come to this ministry on Wednesday but I have this other Bible study that I’m trying to evangelize somebody you know something like that it is your goal to submit whatever you can to the ones that God has ordained his authorities in your life but of course this is where somebody will say or at least feel but won’t my ungodly husband take advantage of me take advantage of my comprehensive submission to serve his own selfish desires and therefore make my life miserable I hear that concern and the Lord hears that concern and I can say that because the Lord speaks to that concern in at least two ways and I’m going to also feature these in terms of what submission is a Christian wife submission is also an act of reverent Faith In Truth for a Christian wife to offer all-inclusive submission is in one sense a risky Venture an ungodly husband May indeed try to take advantage and abuse his position as the family head to serve himself are you’re going to submit to me and everything great however recall Ephesians 5:21 again Paul says and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ pay attention to that last phrase the fear of Christ This is not saying that those called to submit like wives are to their husbands that they should fear the disapproving eye of Christ or his chastening judgment coming down rather they ought to reverence Christ’s position as God and remember his power which will free themselves from the fear of man because what do god promise to submissive wives and indeed to all Christians who risk take the risk of submitting to God ordained authorities Christ promises I will never leave you nor forsake you I will take care of you and when you are mistreated I will take Vengeance for you and I will deliver you at the proper time really when a wife continues to do right and her submission as God calls her to do even when her husband does wrong and even takes advantage of her because of her submission she is really just fulfilling the calling and following the example of Christ to all Christians as we see in First Peter chapter 2 you don’t have to turn there but 1 Peter 223 and talking about the calling and example of Christ says this and this is right before by the way the command for wives to submit to their husbands in that passage he says 1 Peter 223 and while being reviled he did not revile in return while suffering he uttered no threats but kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously again a Christian wife’s mission is just the epitome of the way of life of all Christians being a Christian being righteous means that that others might take advantage of you but God says don’t worry about that actually when they take advantage of you try and do even more for them Matthew chapter uh Jesus Sermon on the Mount Matthew 5-7 I’m going to take care of you you don’t have to worry now all that being said God does provide certain practical resource to wives who are being mistreated by their husbands even amid Godly submission a wife may pursue the process of church discipline with a believing but disobedient husband usband a wife may enlist the Civil Authorities for her own protection and even temporarily remove herself from a husband in the face of physical danger yeah don’t miss my main point the submission of a Christian wife like pretty much all other acts of Christian obedience over which unbelievers can take advantage it is an act of reverent worship and trust in God worship to and trust in God and God will vindicate his people still I must say that the fear of an ungodly response to Godly submission is probably overblown why would I say that well because of this next Point number nine a Christian wife’s submission is a beautifying act does this surprise you well here’s where we need to behold the wisdom of God versus the wisdom of man many wives suspect that offering comprehensive submission to their husbands will make them make those husbands more selfish more demand standing but as a matter of fact the opposite is often the case the husband appreciates his wife more and becomes less demanding of her or he notices his wife’s kindness to him and that is attractive and he feels compelled to reciprocate you say Dave I think that’s wishful thinking no the reliable scriptures say the same actually this time I do want you to turn over to First Peter chapter 1 Peter chapter 3 and let’s look at verses 1 to6 so this is Peter’s version of teaching on submission talks about wives but of course he’s been talking about government and slaves before this so listen to 1 Peter 3 1-6 in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful Behavior oh did you catch that Paul says that even disobedient husbands can be one to obedience even salvation by the chaste and respectful behavior of their wives who are submitting to their husbands Paul goes on or Peter goes on verse three your adment must not be merely external braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet Spirit which is precious in the sight of God for in this way in former times the holy women also who hoped in God used to Adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord and you have become her children if you do what is right without being fr frightened by any fear so did you see what Peter is saying in that latter section wives are often concerned about being attracted to their husbands nothing wrong with that but Peter exhorts these wives not to focus on the outer beauty the outer adornment but the inner beauty the inner adornment because it lasts and what does inner beauty for a wife look like according to Peter in the in these verses among other qualities a gentl and quiet Spirit where does a gentle and quiet Spirit come from it comes from a wife who is content in Christ and who trusts her Lord to take care of her no matter what the husband does now there’s no guarantee that your Godly position uh your Godly submission will result in Godly behavior from your spouse or better behavior from a spouse that often happens but you must be committed to the Lord’s way regardless nevertheless the reason these verses are included here in Peter is for our encouragement don’t be afraid of submitting this way to your husband it often brings about an improvement of the situation not a worsening finally and one point we’ve already touched on a Christian wife’s submission is a picture of the church’s relationship to Christ and this is most explicit in Ephesians 5:22 to 24 the lord loves marriage for its picture of Christ in the church thus a Christian wife is not free to act with her husband however she sees fit know the Lord does not want her to blaspheme to distort and blaspheme what marriage pictures rather he calls the Christian wife to act in an Act of Faith and worship to an uphold the marriage picture as it is one of the most wondrous realities of the universe the union of Christ Christ with his people okay that was what took the majority of our time today talking about the role of wife and practicing submission but there’s one more we’ve talked about the Christian wife as a helper the Christian wife has wanted to practice submission but let me also mention to you before we end God’s design that a Christian wife should honor her husband this kind of fits with submission but I’m going to make it its own category turn your Bibles back to Ephesians 5 but this time look at verse Ephesians 5:33 this is at the conclusion of Paul’s treatment of the roles of wife and husband and notice what he says there Ephesians 5:33 nevertheless each individual among you also was to love his own wife even as himself and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband Paul also in 1 Peter 32 which we just read one of the things that wins a husband from his wife is that he observes in her chaste and respectful Behavior what’s God telling us God says that wives also to are to respect their husbands to regard them with respect and actually the word is even stronger than that in both verses the Greek word translated respect comes from the Greek word or I’m sorry both terms come from the Greek word word phobo from which we get phobia and which has the basic idea of what fear literally Ephesians 5:33 the wife may see to it that she fears her husband wait you say doesn’t 1 Peter 3:6 what we just read say that wives should submit to their husbands without being frightened by any fear that’s true but Ephesians 5:33 and 1 Peter 3:2 are talking about a different kind of fear than the fear of 1 Peter 3:6 the fear of first of Ephesians 533 and 1 Peter 3:2 is the same kind of fear that we actually see in Ephesians 5:21 the fear of Christ what are we talking about the fear of reverence reverence you see Christian wives are to cultivate a high regard a deep respect a true reverence for their husbands as God ordained authorities and this Reverend heart should come out in words and actions that show the husband honor but my husband doesn’t deserve respect I’ve lost respect for my husband I’ve heard a Christian wives tell me this in counseling and that admission is very concerning for multiple reasons one probably indicates the husband has been neglecting his wife we’re going to have to deal with that two because loss of respect from the wife usually leads to loss of love and therefore the greater and greater dissonance in of the two in the marriage but also three that statement is concerning because it reveals that the wife believes that her husband must earn her respect before she can give it to him if that is not what God says in any of these marriage passages in fact Peter says specifically back in First Peter 3 that a Christian wife is to fear that is to rever her husband even when he is proving disobedient to the word he hasn’t done anything to earn it in that instance and he says rever him and when you do you may win him well why would I do that if he doesn’t deserve it it’s kind of like we said before it’s for the Lord’s sake the Lord has commanded it he’s the one who put that husband into the position of authority over the wife in marriage and as we recall Romans 13 says to Revere God and honor his authority you must rever and honor the authorities that he set up including husbands including your husband in marriage now again according to First Peter 3 the surprising wisdom of God is that when a wife rever reveres her husband when he doesn’t deserve it what is the outcome very often the husband changes his behavior towards his wife and actually becomes more worthy of her respect but when a wife sins by refusing to rever her husband in her heart or to honor him externally you know what the outcome often is the husband becomes hardened in his sinful behavior and he becomes a more marriageable or more miserable marriage partner to live with I tell you that is the wi wisd of the world versus the wisdom of God our flesh always tells us I got to do this thing to my husband or I got to do this thing to my wife so that he treats me right usually this thing is some kind of sin but what does that usually produce oh oh I guess I should treat you right yes I’ll be good to you no that is not usually the outcome it is how dare you do that to me I’m going to treat you even worse than I did before I’m going to punish you for what you did to me you got to give up that idea you got to come back to the wisdom of the Lord and say whether my husband deserves it or not and we’ll get to this with husbands whether my wife deserves it or not I’m going to follow what God’s design is what God has called me to do I don’t let him take care of it but I’m encouraged that he says this is often the way that the other person is moved to change all this to say and we have pretty much come out of time God’s design for wives is very good it brings blessing to the soul and it brings blessing to marriage God’s design is definitely counter our culture it’s counter our fleshly feelings it’s counter The Whispers of Satan yet by faith we can Embrace Christ’s design as wives and if we’re not wise we can help our Sisters in Christ to embrace this wisdom so that they can find joy in the Lord and so that the Lord would be glorified quick word to husbands as we close if you heard all this and you’re thinking fleshly thoughts if you think you can use God’s design for wives to further your own selfish desires and I got to tell you you are a fool and you will surely reap the painful consequences of your own sin don’t use God’s word to justify your sin far from trying to take advantage of your wife based on her calling before the Lord you are to lay down your own desires for hers and you are to do everything in your power to make it easy for her to fulfill the roles that God has called her to do as your helper as the one who practice submission to you and as the one who honors you make it easy for her to do that we’ll talk more about God’s design for husbands next time I’m going to be hanging around afterwards so I’m sure you have questions please feel free to come up and talk with me or if you don’t want to talk with me right now we are going to have a question and answer lesson at the very end of our course you say I really wish he could have talked about more of this write it down send it to me and maybe I can talk about it then I’ve already got a few topics that we’ll come back to and maybe you have another one that I can use but anyways talk to me afterwards send me an email that’ll have to do for today don’t forget the homework let’s close in prayer Lord we confess that your way is right and wise yet scary that is if we don’t believe your word and if we don’t believe your character Lord it be a terrible terrible risk but Lord you are reliable and so is your word so we will trust you in your way I pray that you would encourage every wife to really take these truths to heart and to apply them for her to apply it in her marriage for her own joy for the blessing of her husband For Your Glory do this Lord in Jesus name amen thank you