Sundays: 9:00 AM Sunday School | 10:30 AM Worship Service

Watch Live

|

Contact

|

App

|

Sunday School

Lesson 7: Guilt and Repentance

Speaker
David Capoccia

Listen to Audio Save MP3
Reading Tools:

Aa

In this seventh lesson of the Biblical Counseling 101 class, Pastor Dave Capoccia looks at two frequently misunderstood topics that are so important in the process of biblical change: guilt and repentance.

Auto Transcript

Note: This transcript and summary was autogenerated. It has not yet been proofread or edited by a human.

Summary

We are reminded that guilt and repentance are not merely feelings or formalities—they are spiritual realities with precise biblical definitions that the world consistently distorts. This lesson calls us to understand guilt as a legal fact before God, and repentance as a whole-person transformation of understanding, emotions, will, and behavior.

Key Lessons:

  1. Guilt is a legal fact before God, not merely a feeling—and the only true remedy is faith and repentance in Jesus Christ, not penance, excuses, or distraction.
  2. The conscience is a God-given gift that must be properly informed and trained by Scripture, since it can be overactive, misinformed, or seared through persistent sin.
  3. True repentance involves four inseparable aspects: a change in understanding (leading to confession), a change in emotions (leading to godly sorrow and zeal), a change in will (leading to commitment), and a change in behavior (leading to fruit and reconciliation).
  4. Sanctification requires diligent, faith-fueled effort—embracing self-denial, disciplining the mind, and pursuing righteousness with an ‘all out’ mindset rather than asking ‘what is the bare minimum?’

Application: We are called to examine our own hearts for false repentance—mere apologies, worldly sorrow, or verbal commitments without follow-through—and pursue the kind of whole-hearted repentance that bears tangible fruit, including seeking reconciliation with those we have sinned against.

Discussion Questions:

  1. In what areas of your life have you been settling for worldly sorrow rather than godly sorrow? What would genuine repentance look like in those areas?
  2. How has your conscience been shaped—rightly or wrongly—by your habits and patterns of thinking? What steps can you take to train it more accurately according to Scripture?
  3. Is there a relationship in your life where you have confessed sin to God but have not yet sought reconciliation with the person you harmed? What is holding you back?

Scripture Focus: Psalm 51:1–4 (David’s model confession of sin), 2 Corinthians 7:8–11 (godly vs. worldly sorrow), Isaiah 55:7 (the call to forsake sin and return to God), Luke 3:7–9 (bearing fruit in keeping with repentance), and 1 John 1:9 (God’s faithful forgiveness upon confession).

Outline

Introduction

All right, well let’s get started. Good morning, good morning. Welcome to Sunday school and our seventh lesson in the Biblical Counseling 101 class: Why do I do what I do and how can I change?

Let me pray as we begin. Heavenly Father, thank you so much for this time to dwell on important matters of sanctification. We thank you that you are doing the work, and yet you use us—not only our own inner person in our personal sanctification, but also you use this to help one another be sanctified. So equip us, convict us, encourage us this morning. Help me to be able to explain well. In Jesus’ name, amen.

All right, before we get into today’s lesson, let’s talk about your homework. Last time I gave you a booklet to read through, and the reason I gave you a physical copy is because I want this to be a resource for you in the future.

You were to read through—besides reading the Bible and praying every day—and I hope you have taken that discipline seriously. If you keep saying “I’ll get to it, I’ll get to it,” you need to repent of that, because this is a very necessary discipline for your life.

And actually, even Jay Adams talks about that a little bit.

Homework Review: Habits and Sanctification

What are some observations or questions you had from reading this booklet from Jay Adams? Let me hear. Yeah, Rose?

Yes, that’s a great observation, Rose, just bringing out what Jay Adams observed: that we want to become instant, instant, instant perfection. We want instant victory over all our temptations and sins.

That’s not just true of sanctification, but I think we view a lot of things in life that way. We want everything to happen immediately, but that’s not the way God designed the world.

You go to Proverbs, and it’s the fool who’s looking for things to be instant. That’s why he cuts corners, that’s why he goes into sin, and he pays the penalty for it.

But the wise person does that diligent, disciplined, overtime work, and then reaps the benefit. That’s certainly true for sanctification.

What else? Yeah, April? I mean, I’m sorry, Glenda. Okay.

So two observations there. One, I’m glad that you brought that out, Glenda. Can you repeat the first part of it again?

Yes, bringing out that habits really matter for us, but they are a gift that can be used for good or for bad. You train yourself in ways of thinking and ways of acting that can be helpful or not helpful, good or evil. That’s why it is important.

The second part of what you’re observing, Glenda, is that we get into the word—even to the deeper things of the word—so that we can train ourselves, train our minds, and even train our lives toward godliness.

But another aspect of that is practice, right? I think about this even for evangelism. We want to be instant experts in evangelism, but guess what? That’s not going to happen.

Especially when you’re just beginning to pursue faithful evangelism, you’re not going to do it perfectly, but you’ll get better as you practice. It is the same with so many things in the Christian life.

You have to practice it. You have to endure. If you want to grow, the word has a central part in that, but if you give up as soon as it gets hard, you’re being faithless before the Lord, and you’re really harming yourself.

Let me hear something else. I think Jay, you had raised your hand? Yes.

So Jay, bring out more about needing time to establish a habit. This is kind of an interesting intersection of psychology and the Bible, right? Not everything in psychology is bad.

One of the things that psychologists have observed is that it takes a certain amount of time to establish a habit. Jay mentioned two different timelines. I’m not exactly sure what the exact number is, but a certain number of days, a certain number of weeks, and then it becomes a habit.

Then more days, it becomes something you don’t even think about—something really established in your life.

Okay, that’s exactly what the Bible says, right? We train ourselves in righteousness. We train ourselves in unrighteousness.

What’s really important—and Jay, you mentioned that, kind of brought this back to my mind—there’s a fundamental difference in the paths we are faced with moment by moment in our lives: the path of righteousness and the path of sin.

The path of righteousness is hard in the beginning, but it gets easier over time, and you get the blessing of it. The path of sin is easy in the beginning, but it gets harder over time. You reap the negative results of that.

“The path of righteousness is hard in the beginning, but it gets easier over time, and you get the blessing of it.”

So it really is an act of faith to pursue a righteous habit. It’s going to be especially hard for you in the beginning—particularly so if you have trained yourself in unrighteousness.

I tell this to men who are struggling with immorality or pornography: it’s going to be extra hard for you in the beginning to turn away from that. But if you persevere in that, it will get easier, and you’ll be able to walk as God has actually called you to walk in faithfulness and self-control.

That’s true for really any sin or righteousness habit.

The Hard Work of Sanctification

These are some good observations. One other thing I wanted to bring out—because somebody had asked this question to me at the end of the last class—is I talked about the hard work, the even the battling of sanctification, the discipline of it. But practically, what does that look like? When I say we have to do the hard work of sanctification, relying on the Holy Spirit, but we have to do it—what is that practically?

Now Jay Adams brings out part of it. It includes the means of grace. You actually need to discipline yourself to read the word and pray and fellowship with believers and go to church and pay attention to the sermon. That is part of it. But another part of it is that attitude of self-denial. You must embrace that attitude so that when you encounter a temptation or a trial, you endure. You don’t just look for the easy way out. You say, “Oh, it’s just too hard. I’m just going to give in and repent later.” That is not going to establish a disciplined habit in your life.

Instead, you must do the hard internal work of enduring. First, by disciplining your thoughts: saying, “I’m not going to keep thinking about this, because I know this leads me down towards anxiety or depression or anger or whatever it is. I’m going to think about what is good.”

And this is what the Bible calls us to do, right? “Set your minds on things above, not the things of the earth.” And also, think about what is true and lovely and praiseworthy, as Philippians 4 says. I’m going to discipline my mind not to think about evil things, but to think about good things.

I’m going to dwell on what is helpful. I’m not going to yield to that temptation. I’m going to endure as long as it takes.

“I’m going to discipline my mind not to think about evil things, but to think about good things.”

Again, going back to Rose’s observation: we want the quick victory, the quick fix. But that doesn’t happen. That’s not the way life is. God says, “Endure. Stand firm in the evil day. Having done everything, you will be able to stand if you put on the armor of God, if you take hold of His promises and take hold of the gospel.” You discipline yourself mentally. You are willing to endure. And you do whatever you can in your life to assist you in pursuing God.

Jesus talks about: “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it from you. Or if your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it from you.” If you’re going to do the hard work of sanctification, you don’t say to yourself, “What’s the bare minimum?”

If that’s what you’re saying, then you are not going to succeed, because it’s not important to you. If you see it as important before God—God is worth it, fellowship with Him is worth it, the sanctification is absolutely necessary for my life—then instead of saying “What’s the bare minimum?” you’re going to say, “How can I go all out to overcome this temptation, to overcome this sin habit, and walk in holiness before the Lord?”

“Instead of saying ‘What’s the bare minimum?’ you’re going to say, ‘How can I go all out to overcome this sin habit and walk in holiness?’”

It’s a totally different mindset. So you say, “I’m going to get rid of that thing in my life,” or “I’m going to adjust the way I approach this relationship,” or “I’m going to start memorizing this Scripture.” These are all very practical things you do because you’ve embraced that attitude of “This is important, and I need to go all out.”

When you do those things, that’s the hard work of sanctification. And over time, it reaps the fruit of peace, the blessing of walking with the Lord. There’s a reward in that. Jesus says—the Bible says—you’ve got to believe that God will reward you for following Him.

This is a faith-fueled effort. This is a “joy set before you” kind of effort. But it does take discipline.

So I hope you appreciated that exhortation from Jay Adams. And I wonder if any of you memorized the scriptures that I gave as extra credit. Can anybody give me any of those scriptures?

Yeah, April?

Okay, I’m not sure which translation that is, but I think—oh, King James? Sure, yeah. So Proverbs 4:23. Very good. And Luke 6:45. I’ll do that one. “So the good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good, but the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil. For out of the heart, what the mouth speaks.” And then James 4:1. Anyone know that one?

What is the source of—oh, go ahead. I think you got the first part of it. Yeah, so—and I think you might be using the King James? Yeah. So I have the New American Standard: “What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is it not the pleasures that wage war among your members?” It’s the things you value on the inside. It’s the desires and treasures of your heart. That’s where your quarrels and conflicts come from. That’s where my quarrels and conflicts come from.

James 4:1: “What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is it not the pleasures that wage war among your members?”

Memory Verses and New Assignment

Those are all related to what we talked about last time. Now let’s talk about the new homework. Continue reading the Bible and praying. If you’re not doing that, you need to do that.

But I actually have a different kind of assignment when it comes to our main assignment. We’re not going to do some reading of an article or a booklet, but I want you to complete this Bible study. I just put it together on this worksheet—one page. You say, “Oh, one page, that should be easy.” Well, you’ve got a number of passages to read, so it’s probably an equivalent amount of reading.

But rather than making simple observations and questions, I want you to complete the questions that I have here, and they all have to do with what’s really going on in these biblical persons’ hearts and whether they’ve truly repented.

So I want you to complete this. Make sure you give enough time for that.

And then the second assignment is more memory verses, and they are connected to what we’re going to be talking about today. You say, “What’s the good of doing memory verses?” These are the things that are going to assist you in your sanctification. Treasure this word in your heart, and it will be an aid to you in your spiritual battle.

Good Desires vs. Idolatrous Desires

All right, let’s actually get into today’s lesson. I did have one other thing I want to talk about. Someone asked a question related to last lesson: What is the difference between good desires, permissible desires, and idolatrous desires? You desire to do well at work—is that coveting? If you desire to get married, is that idolatry? What’s the difference?

In many ways, that’s a great question. But in some ways, it’s a simple question. It all has to do with your contentment. A desire is fine, but are you okay without that desire being fulfilled? You want to get married—fine. But if God says no, or if God says not yet, are you okay with that?

If you are, then that is non-idolatrous desire. But if you’re not, you have proceeded into idolatry.

You have to have that attitude of “Lord, I desire this, but Your will be done.” If you can say that in your heart, then you’re still worshiping the Lord. You’re content. But when you say, “God, I really desired this, and if You don’t do it, I’m not going to be happy. I’m not going to be content,” that’s something you need to repent of.

You’re overvaluing something, some treasure in the world, and you’ve devalued the Lord. He’s enough. And He says, “I have given everything in your life exactly as would be good for you, so you can trust me.”

It is good for us to bring our desires to the Lord, and some of these can be pretty deep. “God, my marriage is just so painful for me right now. Please, can you change my spouse?” And God might say, “Not yet. You need to grow. You need to grow in your patience and endurance and your faith in me.”

And so your heart needs to be able to say, “God, please do this, but Your will be done. I’m committed to following You no matter what You choose.” And Jesus says, “If that’s your attitude, then you will find refreshment for your soul in me.”

“God, please do this, but Your will be done. I’m committed to following You no matter what You choose.”

So are you okay without it, and do you want it for the right reasons? That explains a lot of what is the difference between a fine desire and an idolatrous desire.

Today’s Topic: Guilt, Repentance, and Forgiveness

Okay, hopefully that didn’t take too much of the lesson time today, but that was good introductory material. Let’s talk about today’s topic. Originally, I said “Guilt, Repentance, and Forgiveness,” but that was too much to talk about in one day. So we’re just going to do guilt and repentance. We’ll do forgiveness next time.

These are very related concepts. They have a lot to do with what we’ve talked about before, and you can see there’s kind of a chronological sequence to them: guilt, repentance, and then forgiveness next time.

As a little introduction, I think this is a very fitting meme for today’s world and even today’s class: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” There are many terms today that are used in such a way that they’ve been stretched or distorted or altogether redefined from their original meaning or even their biblical meaning.

Terms like justice, tolerance, gender, and marriage—and I’m sure many others—fall into this category. This problem was also true for the terms that we’ll be talking about today and next time: terms that are central to the biblical process of change.

And we start by talking about guilt. You ever felt guilty? What does that feel like? Can anyone tell me?

Yeah, Glenda?

Okay, you’re filled with regret. What else?

Guilt: A Fact, Not Just a Feeling

Okay, there’s a sense of shame. Is it a good feeling? It’s a terrible feeling. It’s an agonized feeling. And you see this depicted in lots of famous works of literature and film: someone who is just overcome with guilt. They want to get out of themselves. They want to escape. They want to be clean. But what they can’t—or at least a lot of times it seems like they can’t—guilt is a terrible feeling. The feeling of guilt is rather agonizing, and no one likes to feel guilty.

In our society—our materialistic, secularized, psychologized society—is committed to relieving us from the feelings of guilt almost without any cost. Whatever we have to do so that you don’t feel guilty anymore, we’re gonna do that.

When someone mentioned shame, what’s the difference between guilt and shame? In many ways, they overlap, but guilt is more inward-oriented. Shame is more outward-oriented.

Inward standard: I didn’t fulfill. Outward standard: I didn’t fulfill. Yeah, worldly wisdom. And you can see this is a point in your hand now. Worldly wisdom cannot properly deal with guilt or its associated negative feelings.

Let me ask you: How do the people of the world try to deal with the feeling of guilt? What are some ways?

Yeah, April?

Excuses, right? Some version of rationalization, excuses, blame-shifting. “I’m a victim. I’m not really the one at fault.” Or somebody who’s trying to assist you: “You’re a victim. You’re not really at fault.” What else?

Okay, some sort of pleasurable distraction. And it could be alcohol. It could be drugs. It could just be fun things. What else?

Yeah, Dwayne?

Yeah, so Dwayne bringing out the idea that there’s almost a doubling down on the thing that made us guilty. “Don’t feel bad about it. Celebrate it. Pursue it more.” And that is sometimes the advice. If you feel guilty about a certain thing or a certain sin, just do it more until you don’t feel guilty about it. And let’s even celebrate it. And we see that with LGBTQ issues sometimes.

The solution is chemical. “Hey, you’ve got this anxiety or this sorrow associated with guilt. Let’s give you something that’ll calm you down. We’ll give you some pills.” Or self-esteem. “Yeah, you made a mistake here, but you’re still a good person. Let me tell you about how great you are. You need to think about how good you are and other things.”

Now, these are not always effective. Sometimes they can temporarily lessen or distract from the feeling of guilt, but they don’t deal with it ultimately. Sometimes they just intensify the guilt. Temporarily cover it, but then you come back to it, and you’re like, “I feel worse than ever.”

Guilt is a very difficult feeling. But the truth is, you cannot deal with the feeling of guilt until you’ve dealt with the fact of guilt. And biblically speaking, guilt is a fact rather than a feeling.

You do a word study of the word guilt in the Bible, you’ll see that the word is always used to refer to the legal status of someone who has done something wrong. This is not about a feeling. It is about a state—a legal state—before God or before a governmental law. Because guilt really is the fact of violating a legal standard and of deserving punishment. This is guilt biblically defined.

“You cannot deal with the feeling of guilt until you’ve dealt with the fact of guilt.”

Now, in English, we use the word guilt to refer both to the fact of deserving punishment for something wrong and the negative feeling that is associated with it when you think you deserve punishment. Now the Bible talks about the feeling of guilt too, but in a different way. Biblically speaking, this latter feeling is called a bothered conscience or a bad conscience.

The Conscience: God’s Inner Warning System

What is the conscience? The conscience is just part of our inner man. You could even say it is our inner man as we’re made in the image of God. God imprinted in our inner man a certain knowledge about His character and law, and then He gave us a faculty or ability to detect how we ourselves line up with God and His law, His standard. This ability, this faculty, we’ve come to call conscience.

Now, interestingly, there’s no Hebrew word for conscience—at least in the Bible—though the Old Testament does describe the inner man as a whole working to report guilt by negative feelings. A good example of this is in 1 Samuel 24:5. This is when David cuts off the edge of Saul’s robe, and it says, “It came about afterward that David’s conscience bothered him because he had cut off the edge of Saul’s robe.”

Say, “Hey, that’s conscience in Hebrew.” Well, that’s just the translation trying to help us. Literally, the Hebrew here is “David’s heart caused him to be struck.” That’s the same thing that we talk about when it comes to conscience. It’s the inner man’s analyzing ability saying, “You deviated from the standard.”

Psalm 32 and Psalm 51 further describe the painful inner man experience of someone who has not yet dealt rightly with his sin before God. Now the New Testament, the Greek of the New Testament, does have a word for conscience. It’s the word suneidesis. And it literally means “a knowing with.” It refers to the human ability to know and evaluate oneself, especially morally.

This evaluation doesn’t always have to be negative. Many New Testament verses actually talk about somebody having a clear conscience or a good conscience—conscience that says you’re doing right.

But whatever the judgment of our individual conscience is, we all have one, and its effect is evident across all times and places in the world, just as Romans 2 says. Now the conscience is generally helpful, but it is not perfect. Our inner evaluation ability can be misinformed. It can be distorted. It can even be deadened or seared. This is one of the things that is so true about false teachers: they have seared their consciences.

“The conscience is generally helpful, but it is not perfect. It can be misinformed, distorted, or even deadened.”

A person, therefore, may not feel guilty when he is in fact guilty, or contrarily, a person may feel guilty about something that is actually good and permitted by God. And this is an issue that comes up in counseling a lot.

Dealing Rightly with Guilt

How, then, should we help someone struggling with either guilt or the lack of guilt in his conscience? Well, we cannot properly deal with the feeling of guilt until we’ve dealt with the fact of guilt.

First of all, we must not underemphasize or overemphasize a person’s guilt. Rather, we must tell them what the Bible says. We must apply the truth of the gospel to a person and to his state before God.

On the one hand, we cannot minimize or excuse any person’s sins. All people are factually guilty before God because of sin. Romans 3:23. Each specific sin that we do either cries out for justice or pardon from God.

Furthermore, God is a holy God, and He will judge in His infinite justice and anger all sin—even what we consider small sins, respectable sins. They bring us under the curse and wrath of God, or, as a believer, the discipline of God and that temporary breach of fellowship.

So in both counseling and evangelism, we need people to see the fact of their guilt and God’s coming chastening on them. We need to load their consciences with that truth so that they’re bothered. This is the bad news of the gospel.

But there’s good news too, right? We must not underemphasize guilt, but on the other hand, we must not overemphasize it, because God has made a way for people to be set free from guilt and from the punishment of guilt.

What’s that way? It is faith and repentance in Jesus Christ. That is the only proper way to deal with guilt.

The way to be free is not penance. It is not by doing a whole bunch of good works to make up for the bad works, or by suffering a certain amount of pain. This is something you see in religions all over the world. This is how they try to deal with guilt: penance.

That’s never enough. A lot of people confess, “I never feel like I’m clean.” That’s why. God did not decree that penance would be the way you’d be set free from the fact or the feeling of guilt.

Rather, it is by justification. God has decreed that justification—being pronounced not guilty and righteous before God—only comes through Christ. Not your own works.

So we must direct guilty counselees to faith and repentance, clarifying for them that Christ really does deal with sin once and for all. The repentant sinner is forgiven, washed, welcomed into the presence of God.

He’s not a prodigal who maybe can work his way back into his father’s good graces after a thousand years. He’s immediately brought in, upon repentance, into the banquet, and he’s fully restored. That’s true for each one of us.

First John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” It’s a matter of God’s faithfulness and justice.

If He didn’t do this, if He didn’t welcome us back, then He would be unfaithful, because Christ has accomplished everything for our restoration. Therefore, Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Romans 8:1: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

This is the glorious truth that we want to communicate, we want to inculcate, to those who are struggling under the weight of guilt before God.

Quick aside: A lot of people struggle with assurance—assurance of salvation. It’s important that as we communicate these truths, we do not try to give those people assurance ourselves.

We don’t tell them, “You’re saved. I know you’re saved. Don’t question that.” You don’t know that. All you can tell them is what the Bible says: “If you really believe in Christ and if you’ve repented of your sin, then you’re saved.”

The Spirit will bring about that assurance as they proceed in faith and repentance. That’s not your job. You just tell them the truth. You direct them towards faith and repentance.

If you try and give assurance, you might give assurance to somebody who doesn’t really deserve it, because ultimately you can’t see what’s going on in another person’s heart.

Don’t tell them necessarily that they’re not saved. All you can do is look at the fruit, say, “This is what your life shows, suggests,” but assurance ultimately has to come from God’s Spirit.

We direct him to faith and repentance and let the Lord do the rest.

Informing and Training the Conscience

Now, what about when even after faith and repentance, a person’s conscience still accuses them? You heard the first part: We must not underemphasize or overemphasize guilt. But secondly, we must also help them—and help ourselves—inform and regard our consciences rightly.

I have to understand that conscience is a great gift from God. The conscience warns us when we are in a dangerous state of guilt so that we seek the proper remedy from Christ. It’s like a pain mechanism of our body. Nobody likes to experience pain, but when you accidentally hammer your thumb or stub your toe, you get this report of pain in your body. It’s very unpleasant, but the fact that we sometimes experience pain is good—often good—because your body is telling you that something is wrong.

Your body is saying, “Hey, I’m injured, or there’s some sickness in me. I’m going to report this to you by pain. Do something about it.” That’s a gift from God. Our consciences do much the same thing. It’s like an internal pain mechanism—a pain mechanism of the inner man—telling you that something is wrong spiritually and it needs to be addressed.

“Conscience is a great gift from God. It warns us when we are in a dangerous state of guilt so that we seek the proper remedy from Christ.”

Now, this analogy extends further, because sometimes our bodies can get confused and report pain when there’s nothing physically wrong. But the fact that our bodies do this is itself an indication that something is wrong. The pain-reporting mechanism needs addressing. Something’s wrong at that level. So it is with our consciences. A bothered conscience always means that something is wrong.

You’ve entered some kind of dangerous guilt situation, either because you’ve actually done something or said something or thought something against God and His law—you’ve actually done something wrong—or because you think you have, which is itself wrong.

Romans 14:23, the second half, discusses various convictions in the church that are not necessarily right or wrong—keeping the Sabbath, eating food sacrificed to idols, or eating what’s considered unclean foods. It says, “Whatever is not from faith is sin.” It’s not wrong if you eat these ceremonially unclean foods, but if you feel it’s wrong, then it’s sin for you.

Even if something is permitted by God, we must not go against our consciences and act against what we believe to be right. To violate our consciences not only goes against Scripture, which commands us not to, but it’s dangerous. It works to sear and deaden our consciences, which makes further sin all the easier to pursue. That’s a characteristic of false teachers and apostate Christians. They’ve deadened their consciences.

When we encounter somebody whose conscience is still bothering them after faith and repentance, there could be a few reasons why. It could be because the repentance was false—it wasn’t complete—and the heart knows it, and that’s why it still bothers the person. It could be they truly want to repent, but they don’t embrace the positive side of it. They don’t actually believe in God’s full forgiveness for their sins. “Oh, yes, yes, I’m turning from the sin, but I still don’t think God could accept me.” You need to believe what the Bible actually says.

It also could be because that person has an overactive conscience that is condemning them for something that is not wrong. How do we help the person with an overactive or misinformed conscience? We want to help properly inform and train the conscience with the truth of God’s word.

Conscience always operates according to the facts known and believed in the inner man. This is why a conscience may sometimes vindicate actions which are actually evil or condemn actions that are actually good. This is also why Paul proclaimed that he served God with a clean conscience. But he wasn’t acquitted on that basis, because he says, “My conscience could still be wrong. Ultimately, I have to submit before God and what His word says, whatever my conscience tells me.”

This is true for all of us. We must ultimately subject ourselves and our consciences to God’s revealed word. By doing so, over time, we will train our consciences into what God’s standard actually is.

Hebrews 5:14 says, in reference to the food of God’s word, “Solid food is for the mature, who, because of practice, have their senses trained to discern good and evil.” You may say, “Oh, but I’ve sinned so many times in this way. I don’t even feel bad about it anymore.” Well, submit yourself to God’s word. Practice righteousness. Take in this truth so that you can train your conscience in what is good once again. You can rebuild it. It’ll take time.

For the things that you feel are bad that are not bad, continue submitting yourself to God’s word. Listen to what it says. Believe it. Your conscience will be freed up.

Hebrews 5:14: “Solid food is for the mature, who, because of practice, have their senses trained to discern good and evil.”

The key, though, is we must wait for a conscience to be clear before proceeding. If we say, “Oh, the Bible says this, but I still feel it’s wrong, I’m just going to go with what the Bible says,” we could be doing dangerous damage to ourselves. Obviously, if the Bible commands you to do something and your conscience says no, that’s a different issue. We need to speedily train that conscience, because you can’t neglect the command of God.

But for something that is permitted, not necessarily commanded, don’t do it until your conscience says that’s good, that’s fine.

Repentance: What It Really Is

Bottom line is: Faith in Christ and repentance from sin are the only true solution to guilt—both the fact and the feeling. If someone is struggling with guilt, you’re going to have to help them with both faith and repentance. Repentance is usually the part that needs extra special attention, because, like guilt, many today misunderstand repentance. And that’s our second topic.

Let’s talk about repentance. Worldly wisdom certainly provides many false or incomplete substitutes for real repentance. I already mentioned penance. Excuses and rationalizations are another. Apologies—mere apologies and confessions—are a substitute too. “I’m sorry that this happened. I made a mistake.” Sometimes people think that’s repentance.

Or expressions of sorrow: “Look, he’s crying. He’s crying about what he did. He must be repentant.” Or an expression of a new commitment: “You’re right. I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. I’m going to do differently from now on.” Is that repentance?

These things, all by themselves, are actually not repentance, and they do not bring release from guilt. Real repentance is lasting change from the inside to the outside. A good biblical definition of repentance is: It is a change of heart leading to a change in action.

“Real repentance is lasting change from the inside to the outside—a change of heart leading to a change in action.”

In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for repent is shuv, and it means to turn or to return. In the New Testament, there are two Greek words for repent: epistrepho, which also means to turn, and metanoia, which means to change one’s mind. Combining those together, you can see that repentance is an inner man change that leads to a turning in the outer man. It’s a turning in the inner man that leads to returning in the outer man—a turning of your whole life.

Even now, when it comes to both salvation and sanctification, a person must fundamentally change his mind. He has to change his mind about God. He changes his mind about the false idols that he treasures. He changes his mind about sin. He’s to change his mind about himself. That’s what repentance is.

A person must embrace a totally new direction, deep within—a 180-degree turn from sin and idolatry to God and righteousness. Without this kind of total heart and life change, there is no salvation. We already talked before about that wrong idea of “You can take Jesus as Savior but later take Him as Lord,” or “You don’t have to take Him as Lord.” That’s not biblical.

Repentance is a change of heart that leads to a change of life. If it’s not there, you’re not saved. If you’re a believer, if you are a saved Christian, and you fall into sin, you will not have restoration of blessed fellowship with God or others until you actually change your heart, until your heart embraces a totally new direction.

Jesus summed up His salvation call in Mark 1:15 with this simple message: “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and believe in the gospel.” This is fundamental to salvation and sanctification. It is, as I said before, a necessary lifestyle of ongoing repentance for the believer—realizing we’re in sin and changing to walk anew. That’s what a true believer does.

This is what we help one another do. This is not merely individual. This is corporate. Luke 17:3 says, “Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” Sin and repentance are expected in the body of Christ.

We should be helping one another to repent. We are to encourage, we are to confront, we are to entreat one another as necessary to turn from sin and to turn back to God. This will almost always be necessary in biblical counseling. Usually something your counseling needs to repent of, which means you’re going to have to explain to him—probably him or her—what repentance is and why it’s necessary.

Four Aspects of True Repentance

Now, I’ve given you kind of an overall view of repentance, and it even connects with some of the things we said last time. But let’s drill down a little further. Biblical repentance can be further described and delineated from false repentance by attention to four aspects.

Four aspects are always present in true and liberating repentance. These points and the supporting passages are the same ones that I brought out in a sermon I preached in January on repentance. So if they sound familiar to you, that’s why. I think these are still helpful.

What are four aspects of repentance that are always present in true repentance?

Aspect 1: A Change in Understanding Leading to Confession

Number one: A change in your understanding that leads to confession. A change in understanding leading to confession. If you are genuinely repentant, then you will change how you think based on what God’s word says. Change how you think about God, yourself, and your sin. You will hammer the ghetto about that sin in your heart.

Alego is the Greek word for confess, and it literally means to say the same thing. In repentance, you will say the same thing in your mind, in your heart, as God does about your sin.

A good example of this is the beginning of David’s Psalm 51.

Psalm 51:1-4. You can open to that passage. It could be useful for you to see for yourself. The title of the psalm says, “For the choir director, a psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came to him after he’d gone into Bathsheba.”

Listen to what David says about his sin: “Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your loving kindness. According to the greatness of Your compassion, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge.”

We won’t analyze this passage in depth, but you can see pretty quickly that David understands the magnitude of his sin before God. David knows he has transgressed God’s good commands. Like a criminal, he has perverted God’s way, polluted what is good by his iniquity.

He has missed the mark—big time—of what it means to know and follow God. That’s what sin is. And David clearly deserves the just punishment of God. He says, “You’re blameless when you judge me. I deserve it.”

So what does David need from God? He doesn’t want to be judged. What does he need? Mercy. He needs merciful cleansing and forgiveness from God, which he receives. God promises that to those who are repentant. David receives it by faith and repentance. Nathan the prophet even told David that. In the history books, he says, “God has taken away your sin.”

But notice that repentance starts with changed thinking and accurate understanding of sin. The confession begins in David’s heart and it extends outwards—verbally confessing his sin before others, especially those he sinned against. I mean, that’s what this psalm is. It is a public confession of his sin before Israel and a memorial of God’s forgiving grace.

“David clearly understands the magnitude of his sin before God—he says, ‘You are blameless when You judge me.’”

We must follow this same pattern of inwardly confessing before God what our sin is and then outwardly confessing to those we’ve sinned against and to those who help keep us accountable.

James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” This is the one, the extra credit verse. So we should be confessing our sin as a mark of our changed understanding. We should be outwardly confessing.

But note: not all sin can or should be confessed to everyone. For example, if a young man lusts after a woman in his heart, he shouldn’t later go and confess to that woman that he had lusted after her as part of his repentance. That’s not necessary, and that’s not edifying. It’s just going to totally creep her out.

But if you sin in such a way that others witness your sin or they’ve been substantively harmed by it, part of your repentance must include confession to them. You need to go and say, “I have sinned against God and against you in this way, and I know what my sin is. I’m not going to make excuses for it. It is worthy of blame. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done.”

This kind of confession glorifies God. It edifies others and helps keep you accountable. And so it’s something that we should be doing together.

“Confession glorifies God, edifies others, and helps keep you accountable.”

Now, confession is not all that repentance is. Some people do just stop at confession and think they’ve repented, but that’s not true. But repentance does include confession.

What else is a true and necessary aspect of repentance?

Aspect 2: A Change in Emotions Leading to Godly Sorrow

Number two: A change in emotions, a change in emotions leading to sorrow and zeal. There’s a sequence to this as well. If you really understand what your sin and idolatry is before God and others, you will be emotionally affected. If you really understand what your sin is, it will affect your emotions.

You will feel a godly sorrow and a renewed zeal to love and obey God.

We see a good description of this in 2 Corinthians 7. Please take your Bibles and go to 2 Corinthians 7:8-11.

This is what Paul wrote to the Corinthians after he heard that they had repented of sins they had done against him. Listen to what he says about their repentance:

“For though I called you sorrow by my letter—this letter confronting them—I do not regret it, though I did regret it, for I see that the letter caused you sorrow, though only for a while. I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance. For you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us.

For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation. But the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold, what earnestness this very thing—this godly sorrow—has produced in you!

What vindication of yourselves! What indignation! What fear! What longing! What zeal! With avenging of wrong! And everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter.”

Godly Sorrow vs. Worldly Sorrow

There’s a lot we can say about this verse, but we’ll just focus on a few things. Notice that Paul distinguishes fundamentally here between two types of sorrow over sin: a worldly sorrow and a godly sorrow. Both of these are real sorrow. Let’s make sure we understand that.

They can both have very tearful emotional displays. But only one is part of true repentance, and that’s the godly sorrow.

Godly sorrow is God-centered. The grief is primarily about what the sin means and has done to God and to others before God. Godly sorrow may also grieve at the personal consequences of sin, but they are not their primary concern.

“I can’t believe I have sinned against such a good God. I can’t believe I’ve acted so evil to the people that God has given around me.” That’s godly sorrow’s chief concern.

Godly sorrow then leads to a change in the heart and life without regret. He says, “This is so terrible before God. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it up. Whatever treasures have to be given up, so be it. Whatever consequences must be suffered, so be it. I’m turning from this sin, and I’m turning back to God.”

I say “make it up,” not in the sense that you work your way back to God, but to make things right.

A person is glad to give up his sin if he can have God again, if he can please God again. There’s a palpable zeal that comes from godly sorrow and is willing to do whatever it takes to restore those who have been hurt and offended. That’s what the Corinthians were doing for Paul. He says, “Look, I see it. That’s so encouraging to me.”

“A person is glad to give up his sin if he can have God again, if he can please God again.”

Thus, the sorrow of true repentance ultimately leads to salvation. This is the mark of someone who’s saved.

But worldly sorrow is not God-centered but man-centered. And the heart is never really changed from whatever idolatry was serving in sin. Thus, godly sorrow is full of regret—regret about not being able to enjoy that sin or that idol anymore, regret about getting caught in the sin, regret about the consequences of getting caught, and regret even about the repentance itself.

“I shouldn’t have turned from the sin. I really enjoyed it. It’s better than what I have now.” This is a worldly sorrow. Still worships a false idol rather than God. And therefore, this kind of sorrow does not lead to godliness but only further sin and ultimately death. This is the kind of sorrow of someone who does not know God and will not be with him forever.

Worldly sorrow can help reform a person for a time, but the dog, as Proverbs says, will eventually return to its vomit. You’ve got to change the heart. He can’t be a dog anymore, or else he’s just going to go back to the vomit. It’s true for us too.

“Worldly sorrow can help reform a person for a time, but the dog will eventually return to its vomit. You’ve got to change the heart.”

If we are truly repentant and have a real understanding of what our sin is, then we should be filled with a godly sorrow and an eager zeal to see God honored again. The outward visibility of the sorrow will vary, but it should be there. It should be evident to some degree.

Therefore, when a repentant person is confessing his sin to the ones that he has affected, he should also be communicating a genuine sorrow before God and a zeal for God.

Repentance without a change of emotions is not real repentance. The heart’s not really engaged. Though, on the flip side, a mere outward display of emotion does not itself constitute repentance. It’s part of repentance, but it’s not all of repentance.

And sadly, I think many of us know—and certainly we see in biblical and Christian history—there have been plenty of people who have been very sorry about their sin who never repented. They had sorrow, but they didn’t have repentance. That’s because there’s another necessary aspect of repentance that must accompany changes in both the understanding and the emotions.

Aspect 3: A Change in Will Leading to Commitment

And that is number three: A change in will, a change in will leading to commitment. With the change in understanding and renewed godly emotions, the will will not be content to remain in sin, but rather the soul will choose change. It will commit to walking a new way. And this is exactly what Isaiah 55:7 describes. This is another one of the extra credit verses.

Isaiah 55:7 says, “This is God’s invitation to Israel: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts, and let him return to Yahweh, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.”

Notice in this verse the clear operation of will. The wicked one forsakes—that is, he gives up, he abandons, he turns away from—two items: his previous way, that is, his lifestyle of behavior, and his previous thoughts, what he believed, what he desired, what he thought. He no more follows those paths. He no more follows the idolatrous path, but instead embraces the path of God.

He returns to the Lord. He doesn’t merely wish to—he actually does. There’s an inner commitment, a new inner commitment, that manifests in an outward commitment, even in his verbal expression of repentance.

Someone who’s confessing sin to others does not merely admit what his sin really was before God or why he’s grieved about that sin to the point of repentance, but he also expresses a commitment to walk anew from the heart. “I’m not going to live this way anymore. I’m going to treat you and others differently for the Lord’s sake, because my heart has changed.” That’s the kind of statements we should be making when we repent to others.

“‘I’m not going to live this way anymore. I’m going to treat you and others differently for the Lord’s sake, because my heart has changed.’”

But we dare not make those statements lightly. You better mean what you say, because there are plenty of people who commit—and we know this, we’ve seen this, and maybe we’ve done this—they commit, either internally or verbally, to live differently, but they don’t follow through. Why does that happen? Because the heart’s not truly changed.

They want to reform, but they’re not convinced, really, from the heart, that they must and that they should. They still go back to their sinful habits, and their words ring hollow. They bring shame to themselves and dishonor to the name of Christ.

Changes in understanding, emotions, and will must all be done together. It must be a whole change of the inner man. That’s what true repentance is. That’s what lasting repentance is. No one part can substitute for the whole.

To be clear of guilt, your whole being, your whole inner man, must give up sin, give up idols, and return to God.

Aspect 4: A Change in Behavior Leading to Fruit

And when this full change of heart happens, there’s always a fourth and final aspect to repentance. This is technically not repentance, but it is the fruit of repentance. It’s always the result. It is a change in behavior.

Number four: A change in behavior leading to fruit, leading to good fruit. Repentance that does not lead to lasting change in thoughts, words, and actions—hear this, people—is not real. If there’s no turning in your life, it’s not real repentance.

Don’t tell me every time after you sin you’ve repented if you don’t change. That’s not repentance. Not biblical repentance. The person proclaiming such repentance is still on the path leading to God’s judgment.

“Repentance that does not lead to lasting change in thoughts, words, and actions is not real repentance.”

The Bible doesn’t mince words about this. Listen to the way John the Baptist describes it to would-be repenters in Luke 3:7-9. He tells some of the Pharisees and legalistic-minded Jews: “You brood of vipers!

Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Therefore, bear fruits in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham for our father,’ for I say to you that from these stones God is able to raise up children to Abraham.

Indeed, the axe is already laid at the root of the trees. So every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.”

Restitution and Reconciliation

Dare not play games with God or with others when it comes to repentance. The fruit of our lives will reveal what’s really going on in our hearts and whether we’ve really changed. True repentance always leads to new and good fruit—not perfection, but a characteristically righteous new way.

This includes restitution and reconciliation where necessary in damaged relationships. Some people only think of repentance in terms of vertical relationship with God. “Yep, just gotta make sure I’m right with God, secure His forgiveness, and then I’m good to move on.” But actually, that’s not true.

You’re not good to move on if your repentance is real. God has called you to make things right with others, whatever debts you have to them. And even more so, we’re to be like Zacchaeus when it comes to this.

Luke 19:8 says about Zacchaeus, after he had believed in Christ: “Behold, Lord, half of my possessions I will give to the poor, and if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I will give back four times as much.”

He didn’t have to give back four times as much. He certainly needed to restore what was taken, and the Old Testament law would say a little bit more than that. But he’s really ready to do more, and we should be too in repentance.

You are looking to repay not only the debts you owe others, but even more besides. You want to honor God and show Him and others that you are serious about your repentance. And this makes sense, right? If you have a new zeal for God, you don’t do the bare minimum.

You say, “I want to go all out. I want to show this person I really am sorry. I want to show God that I want to encourage them.”

“You want to honor God and show that you are serious about your repentance—not doing the bare minimum, but going all out.”

Now, understand that some temporal consequences of sin cannot be immediately cleared by repentance. There is free and full forgiveness with God—it’s true for the repentant—but some physical, legal, relational, and spiritual consequences will remain for some time on earth.

Sometimes your sin trains you in unrighteousness. Sometimes you still have to pay a penalty to a secular authority. Sometimes you have broken trust, and it will take a long time to rebuild the trust of those you sinned against. You have to be ready for this, and you have to be willing to endure the temporal consequences as part of your repentance.

Some people aren’t. They expect everything to go back just as harmonious as it was before the sin. And when that doesn’t happen, they give up on their repentance. That’s not what we are to do.

We understand, yes, people have a certain responsibility for how they respond to repentance, but whatever they do, “I want to follow God. I want to make things right.” We do whatever we can to make our relationships right again as part of repentance.

Jesus says in Matthew 5: “If you’re ready to worship at the altar with an offering, but you remember your brother has something against you, what are you supposed to do? Leave your offering and go make things right. Then come back and worship.”

Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” You haven’t really repented if you haven’t sought to reconcile with those you’ve harmed and to make things right with them.

Now, you can’t force them to reconcile with you. You can’t force them to forgive you. But you can show them that you’re earnest about your repentance with tangible fruit.

When we do this—because we’re going to sin against one another—but when we actually repent and we go and seek to reconcile with those who sinned against us, the result is usually a strengthened relationship, an even more joyful and trust-filled relationship. Temporarily, there’s a wound, but as that wound heals, it grows back even stronger.

And I think many of us can attest to this, right? Especially in your marriages. When you’ve really repented, and when there’s the true practice of forgiveness, it leads to a greater blessing in relationship and a sure witness of God and His goodness. The world doesn’t understand this kind of repentance, this humility, but it should characterize us.

To be abundantly clear: If you think you’ve repented before God, but you still haven’t sought to make things right with others, you have not yet repented. Your heart is still holding something back. You need to make things right with both God and other people if you want God to be pleased with your worship again.

“If you think you’ve repented before God but haven’t sought to make things right with others, you have not yet repented.”

Conclusion and Preview

Now, ideally, an expression of true repentance to others results in forgiveness—the extension of forgiveness. What is forgiveness, and how should we as Christians practice it? That’s what we’ll talk about next time.

Well, the time went quickly. We’ll have to close now. But if you have questions, come talk with me afterwards.

Let’s pray. “Lord, thank you for your word. Help us to be a people who deal properly with feelings of guilt and to truly repent from the heart. Lord, may that lead to our confessing, expressing sorrow, expressing new commitment, and bearing tangible fruit as we seek to make our relationships right with others. In Jesus’ name, amen. Thank you.”

Share this sermon:

More from Biblical Counseling 101