In this tenth and final lesson of the Biblical Counseling 101 class, Pastor Dave Capoccia finishes presenting a practical method for counseling based on biblical principles. Pastor Dave explains the last four steps of this method in part 2:
1. Begin Counseling
2. Gain Involvement
3. Gather Data
4. Interpret Data
5. Provide Instruction
6. Give Homework
7. Give Hope
8. End Counseling
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Note: This transcript and summary was autogenerated. It has not yet been proofread or edited by a human.
Summary
We are reminded that biblical counseling is a structured, gospel-centered ministry that requires preparation, compassion, and reliance on God’s word. This lesson covers the final steps of a practical eight-step counseling method, emphasizing instruction, homework, hope, and how to bring counseling to a healthy close.
Key Lessons:
- Counselors must discern whether a counselee is a believer before proceeding—if not, the priority shifts to problem-oriented evangelism and calling them to repentance and faith in Christ.
- Providing instruction means leading counselees in expository Bible study, helping them develop specific strategies to put off sinful patterns and put on godly ones, and knowing where in Scripture to turn for each type of problem.
- Homework is not optional—it places responsibility for change on the counselee, reinforces biblical principles between sessions, and should be reviewed at the start of every session to set the agenda.
- Giving hope is a continuous responsibility throughout all of counseling; we must direct counselees not to false promises about circumstances, but to the unchanging sufficiency of Christ and his gospel.
Application: We are called to move beyond theory and begin practicing these counseling skills—informally with one another and, for those gifted and trained, formally—multiplying biblical counselors within the local church.
Discussion Questions:
- How would you respond if a counselee agreed with your biblical instruction in the session but consistently failed to implement it week after week?
- What kinds of false hope might we be tempted to offer a struggling friend, and how can we redirect them to true, Scripture-grounded hope instead?
- What homework assignments from this course were most personally meaningful to you, and how might you adapt them for someone you are walking alongside?
Scripture Focus: Romans 15:13 (God as the source of hope); Psalm 42:5 (choosing hope over despair); Romans 5:3–5 (tribulation producing hope); Romans 8:24–25 (persevering hope in salvation); 1 Peter 1:13 (fixing hope on Christ’s grace); Proverbs 18 (gathering data before drawing conclusions); Matthew 18:15–18 (church discipline as part of counseling accountability); Ephesians 4:22–24 (the put-off/put-on model of change).
Outline
- Introduction
- Course Wrap-Up and Homework Review
- Review: The First Four Steps
- Step 5: Provide Instruction
- Instructing the Unbeliever: Problem-Oriented Evangelism
- Church and Gospel Accountability
- When You’re Unsure If a Counselee Is a Believer
- Instructing the Believer
- Being an Expository Counselor
- Building Biblical Competency and Resources
- Adapting How You Communicate Instruction
- Step 6: Give Homework
- Step 7: Give Hope
- Step 8: End Counseling
- Final Encouragements
Introduction
Heavenly Father, equip us again today to be what you’ve called us to be: counselors to one another, proficient in your truth, full of compassion and zeal for you, our compassion for others, and zeal for you. Help me to be able to explain well. Now in this time, amen.
Course Wrap-Up and Homework Review
Well, we have come to the end. Let’s take one last look at homework assignments. In lesson nine, I asked you to continue to read the Bible, pray every day, continue your journaling, and then you have some extra credit notes. Any comments or questions on the homework?
Okay, your last assignments. In many ways, I want you to keep doing what you’ve been doing. Don’t just say, “Okay, the course is done. I’m not going to read the Bible and pray anymore.” No, that’s a habit you need for your whole life. But also, complete any homework assignments you’ve missed.
I know a number of you have been diligent to keep up with the homework assignments. Some of you fell off or never were able to do it. Tell me you need to go back and do it. You’ve missed half the course if you haven’t done the homework assignments, and it’s really for your benefit and the benefit of those that you will counsel.
Please go back. Now that we’ve come to the end of the course, go back and do any homework assignments you missed: the readings, the worksheets, whatever it is. I’ve also given you one more extra credit resource. We’ll be talking about how you assign homework in counseling today, and I’ve given you some examples that I’ll send you electronically: extra counseling worksheets and a few other resources.
“You’ve missed half the course if you haven’t done the homework assignments—it’s for your benefit and those you will counsel.”
That’s your last homework assignment.
Review: The First Four Steps
Well, what are we talking about today in our last class? Part two of how to counsel. We are looking to apply the background and the biblical principles that we’ve talked about earlier in this course and a practical method for counseling. We’ve already looked at the first four steps: how you begin counseling, how you gain involvement, you gather data, and you interpret data.
Now let’s talk about the second half. Imagine you are actually in a real counseling situation. You approached or are approached by someone looking for the focused discipleship of counseling. You made sure that you were spiritually, biblically, and logistically equipped to help that person and begin counseling.
You had the person fill out a PDI, which was very helpful, and you had a first session together where you laid out expectations about what the counseling is going to look like. Also in that first session, you begin to gain involvement and gather data.
“Imagine you are actually in a real counseling situation—let’s not just leave this theoretical.”
What does it mean to gain involvement again? Can anyone tell me? Yes, Tina? Exactly. Building a relationship with your counselor, even as you gather data, communicates that you really care, you’re sincere, and your compassion towards them. That puts you in a much better position to help the person.
The Importance of Gathering Data
You want to be doing that from the first session. You also want to be gathering data. But why? Why gather data? I mean, it’s a lot of work. Why gather data?
Yeah, exactly, exactly. If you don’t gather data, or if you don’t gather enough data, you may come to some conclusions or you may supply some assumptions that are inappropriate, and they’re going to hinder you in counseling. You’re not going to be able to minister to the real issues because you don’t really know what’s going on.
So you need to take the time. Remember those two proverbs that I quoted to you last time? From Proverbs 18:13, “He who gives an answer before he hears it is folly and shame to him.” And Proverbs 18:17, “The first who presents his case seems right until another comes to examine him.”
So you’ve got to gather data. Take the time to gather data, starting from your first session, but also throughout your counseling.
Proverbs 18: “He who gives an answer before he hears it is folly and shame to him.”
One point worth emphasizing in the gathering of data is that you do need to not be naive. Sometimes you will encounter a partially or maybe wholly unreliable witness. Ideally, your counselee is completely honest and transparent with you, and as you gain involvement with him, and if he’s serious about changing, that will be more the case.
But don’t necessarily believe everything that you hear, especially if you’re counseling a situation that involves more than one person. Every time I’ve counseled a married couple who’s in conflict, I have discovered that if you only listen to one side, you get a skewed view of the situation—sometimes an outright misleading or deceptive view of the situation.
Now, certainly you want to stress to your counselees from the beginning, in your expectations, that they need to be honest with you if you’re actually going to help them change. And if you suspect that your counselee is not being totally, totally honest with you, don’t just accuse him or her of lying. If you do that, that is a sure way to lose involvement.
Rather, probe further. Underscore to him or her the necessity and benefit of being honest. And if things your counselee has said contradict each other or clash with some other kind of evidence, point it out to the counselee and invite an explanation.
Generally, you should take your counselee’s word for what’s going on, but don’t be naive.
“Generally, you should take your counselee’s word for what’s going on, but don’t be naive.”
So you’ve had your first session. You’ve set the expectations. You’re looking to gain involvement. You’re gathering information. You’ve formed an interpretation of what’s going on. You’ve even presented it to your counselee for feedback and verification, and it has been validated. Your counselee thinks you’re right. You have a good idea of what’s going on.
So now what? How do you move forward in the counseling? And how do you help your counselee change and become more like Christ?
Step 5: Provide Instruction
Well, this is where we go to step five: provide instruction.
Provide instruction to help your counselee change. You need to provide clear and relevant instruction from the Bible. It is called biblical counseling, after all. You want to train your counselee in righteousness using the supreme and sufficient scriptures that we’ve already examined. They are supreme and sufficient because they come from the supreme, sufficient Lord, the Lord Jesus Christ.
Show your counselee how he needs to change and why he can do it.
Now, there will be one radical difference in how you give instruction based on whether your counselee is an unbeliever or a believer. From your data gathering, you may discover it. But though your counselee professes to be a believer, he does not understand the gospel or is not able to articulate it, or has—even if he can talk about it—has never really believed it or put it into practice. He doesn’t have any fruit of the gospel in his life.
This means, as you discern this, you cannot proceed in more specific counseling for this counselee. You cannot help your counselee overcome particular spiritual problems until you deal with a deeper issue: he needs to repent and believe in Jesus Christ.
As my counseling professor, Dr. John Street, likes to say, “All counseling is pre-counseling until a person comes to Christ.” You really cannot do biblical counseling until someone knows the Lord.
“All counseling is pre-counseling until a person comes to Christ.”
If a person is still dead in sin, if he’s still king of his own heart, if he’s still enslaved to his passions, there’s little profit in instructing him about specific issues like worry, anger, or sexual purity. He’s not going to be able to change from the heart, and if he does change, it will only be outwardly. It will soon lead to a relapse or worse—a life of hypocritical self-righteousness. You’ll create a Pharisee.
Instructing the Unbeliever: Problem-Oriented Evangelism
In such a situation, where there is evidence that this person is not really a believer, you need to switch from the counselor role to the evangelist role. Engage in what can be called problem-oriented evangelism.
Show your unbelieving counselee where his problems are ultimately coming from. This is not coming from a spouse that just can’t get along with you or an unjust world that you live in or miscommunication between you and others. Rather, your problems come from a life that fundamentally fails to follow Scripture, that ignores God, and that lives for sin itself.
Yeah, April? Question?
Church and Gospel Accountability
Yeah, that’s a great question, April. If another thing you gather from your data is that they’re not going to a good church or a church that’s not preaching the true gospel, that gives a skewed view of the gospel—should you tell them to go somewhere else? I think the answer is yes.
I told you at the very beginning: it’s much more difficult to counsel somebody who’s not in a good church because you have to unteach what they’re being taught there. So as they communicate to you what their church teaches, or you just do your own research, and you say, “Oh man, that’s not the gospel,” or “that’s leading to a life that justifies sin,” you need to bring it up.
Say, “Hey, this is something I’ve learned about your church, and this is not going to be helpful for you. Here’s what the Bible actually says.”
And if we’re to have a profitable time of counseling together, you need reinforcement from a biblical church, especially one that’s preaching the true gospel.
Now, it doesn’t mean the church needs to line up with you on every single issue, but on the fundamentals, yes. And that’s why, like I said, the safest way to do this is say, “Hey, I’d love to counsel you, but one of my requirements is that you come to my church. That way, I know you’re getting good teaching, and that way you and I can interact further outside of the counseling session.”
“You need reinforcement from a biblical church, especially one that’s preaching the true gospel.”
But getting back to what I was saying here: trying to show somebody that his problems go deeper than the surface level issues that he’s been presenting to you. It’s a matter of rebellion of his heart against the Lord.
Why is your life such a mess? Because your heart is raging against God. You need to get right with God if you’re ever going to face these problems rightly.
At that point, you want to explain to your counselee what the gospel really is. Tell them about Jesus Christ. Tell them about faith and repentance, and call them to it.
All the while, though, be careful to clarify to your counselee that you’re not offering Jesus as a cosmic genie to fix all his problems, a “get out of problem free” card. No, you should be honest that following Christ might bring its own problems. It might not change his situation. It might bring persecution.
But still, in Christ, your counselee can actually know God. He can be rescued from the wrath that is due all of us for sin, and he can walk in joy and holiness in the midst of his problems. He can respond to his problems rightly and even have joy doing it.
So you’re clarifying for him that there are certain surface level things that he can do to improve his problems or to feel better. He can apply basic wisdom, even if he’s not a believer. But the real help—the deeper help, the hope—that deals with the heart problems and eternal problems for your counselee, that only comes by the gospel, by faith and repentance in Jesus Christ.
“In Christ, your counselee can actually know God, be rescued from wrath, and walk in joy and holiness in the midst of problems.”
I want to help your counselee understand these things. And if, once he does, he’s still not willing to repent and believe, he says, “I’m not ready,” or “I don’t want to do that,” well, it’s time to discontinue counseling. There’s really no more help that you can give him than that.
Don’t let him go without leaving a heavenly burr in his saddle, so to speak. Remind him of the truth. Or Proverbs 13:15, for instance.
Proverbs 13:15: “Good understanding produces favor, but the way of the treacherous is hard.”
The longer you continue in sin and rebellion against God, you’re just going to make your way more difficult. Call him to repentance and faith, and make clear that if he has questions or he is in fact willing to change, that you’re glad to talk further. But otherwise, there’s not really much more that you can say in your times together that will help him.
So all of that to clarify: if you detect that your counselee is not a believer, you cannot really give him more helpful instruction than the gospel. You have to stay at that pre-counseling stage.
When You’re Unsure If a Counselee Is a Believer
Now, you might ask, “What if I’m not sure if he’s a believer?” That’s often the case in the beginning of some counseling. Here’s the fundamental approach: treat him as a believer at first. Not enough evidence to say he’s not, okay? Treat him as a believer.
But if he fails to implement the wisdom of the Bible, confront him about it. Say, “Hey, you told me that you love Christ, that you want to follow him, that you’re even willing to do whatever it takes to live a life of obedience to him. But over these weeks of counseling, your life says the opposite. You’ve resisted the counsel. You have not implemented it, even though you agree with me in the session that you should act a certain way. You’re not doing it. Why is that?”
“The Bible says this is the way an unbeliever acts. Is it possible that you’ve not yet come to know Jesus and given kingship over your life to him?”
So whether a person is a believer or an unbeliever, if he persists in sin, the Bible says you treat him the same way, and you give him the same message. You’ve got to call them to repentance and faith.
Say, “I don’t know where your heart is ultimately. The Lord does. But I do know this: if you really know the Lord, it should show up in a life of obedience and fruit. I’m not seeing it. So you need to make your calling and election sure. It’s time to really repent and change. Otherwise, our meeting together is not profitable.”
“Whether a person is a believer or an unbeliever, if he persists in sin, you give him the same message: repentance and faith.”
Instructing the Believer
Now, what about giving instruction to a believer? Instructing the believer is the ideal in biblical counseling because the believer has the Spirit of God in him. He actually can change. He can put God’s word into practice, and he must. But he needs help. That’s why God has brought you together with that person.
You need to show him how and why. That means you need to give him clear and accurate instruction from the Bible. The Bible is what’s going to help him change by the Spirit of God.
That’s why you need to know the Bible well as a counselor. You need to know where to take him in the Bible to instruct him over whatever particular issues he is dealing with. You need to be able to explain those passages clearly and accurately so that he can understand them and put them into practice.
What this is, really, is that you’re leading your counselee in proper Bible study, which is really good. This will not only help him in dealing immediately with his soul problem, but it also models for him what should be happening in his whole Christian life. You’re showing him how to study the Bible and how to apply it to dealing with the problems of life. You’re modeling that for him.
“You’re leading your counselee in proper Bible study—modeling what should be happening in his whole Christian life.”
Being an Expository Counselor
Another way to say this is that you need to be an expository counselor. You need to know the importance of and the meaning of important biblical words. You need to make sure that you always determine the verse’s meaning according to its context. You want to interpret the scriptures in harmony with the rest of the scriptures.
You want to become generally familiar with various books of the Bible and what they’re about, what their God-given purposes are. You should be able to show how various portions of Scripture connect to or end with Jesus Christ. Be able to explain how biblical instruction translates into action in the Christian life, especially that three-factored application of renewing the mind and putting off and putting on, as Ephesians 4:22-24 talks about it.
It’s part of this: you’re helping your counselee come up with and implement a specific strategy to put into practice what the Bible says. When you’re tempted to worry, here’s what you should do. Or when your spouse says something disrespectful to you, this is what needs to be in your mind. Or here’s how you’re going to put off and put on when it comes to sexual purity.
Help him come up with a specific strategy. Show how the Bible works in life. And also be able to clearly differentiate between divine directives and merely human suggestions, preferences, or possible applications.
“Help your counselee implement a specific strategy: when tempted, here’s what you should do.”
For example, I’ve advised married counselors to have a time of devotions together. It’s not required according to the Bible, but it’s a good practice. I want to clarify that this is not a divine directive in terms of “you need to spend this much amount of time, you need to pray, and you need to read this.” But this is a good application of biblical principles. I think it’ll be helpful for you, and that’s why I want you to do it.
Building Biblical Competency and Resources
Now, you might hear some of those requirements in terms of being able to provide instruction and be like, “Whoa, I’m definitely not there yet. I don’t know the Bible that well.” I understand. But that means it’s time to start practicing and building up your biblical competency.
You can start developing a topical list of passages so that you are ready to help somebody with different issues. Over time, I’ve gotten practiced in this so that I know, “Oh, someone’s dealing with anger. I’m probably going to need to go to Matthew 5 or James 4.”
Dealing with lust? Proverbs 5, 1 Corinthians 6. Dealing with anxiety? Matthew 5 again, Philippians 4, and other passages. You want to start familiarizing yourself with that, even by your own research.
Also, start familiarizing yourself with various good Christian books and other kinds of resources that you can use in counseling. For example, I’ve started to have certain go-to resources when somebody presents a certain type of problem to me.
Marriage troubles? Then I’m probably going to go to Wayne Mack’s “Strengthening Your Marriage.” Dealing with an issue in parenting? I’m going to “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Ted Tripp. Dealing with pornography? “Finally Free” by Heath Lambert.
These are resources that I’ve used before, and I found to be really helpful.
You’ll find that as you try to put together biblical resources and Christian books built on the Bible, one of the best ways to get yourself familiar and practice with them is to apply it to a real-world situation. “I need this for myself, or here’s somebody I know who’s struggling with this issue. I need to research. I need to get some resources so I can help them.”
Once you do that, it sticks with you. When you have a real situation that you’re applying to it, it often sticks better in your mind than if it’s just theoretical.
“When you apply resources to a real situation, it sticks better in your mind than if it’s just theoretical.”
Using a Christian book often functions as a great framework for your counseling time. You can move along together with your counseling through the different chapters of a book and then supplement that instruction with specific studies of Bible passages and other content.
Say, “Hey, you’re working with a couple. I hear about your marriage situation, and you want help there. That’s great. Why don’t we start working through a book together? We’ll start meeting together, and we’ll start working through this book. Here’s a homework assignment: I want you to read these chapters, and then we’re going to come back and talk about it and build on that.”
It’s a great way to structure your time. Otherwise, sometimes you’re like, “What do I do next?” A book can kind of help give you some framework.
Adapting How You Communicate Instruction
Now, even though there is only one source—really, one ultimate source—for the content of our instruction, the supreme, sufficient word of Christ, the way you communicate that content will vary. The way you communicate biblical instruction will vary.
Part of this has to do with the needs of your counselee. I want to give an instruction that is appropriate to your counselee in the specific situation that he faces: his specific problems, his needs, his condition, his spiritual maturity, his receptivity to counsel, his personal background.
It also may not be the right time to give certain bits of instruction to someone if they’re caught up in grief or if they just experienced a shocking sin revelation. You will need to address certain things, but maybe not immediately. Deal with other problems first. Be sensitive to the needs of the moment.
Ephesians 4:29 also addresses this. The method of your instruction will vary based on what you’re wanting to teach and the best learning style as you can discern it. Don’t feel like you just need to lecture them the whole time. That is one possible mode of instruction, but you can also use observation, practical experience, research, discussion, question and answer, reading assignments, evaluation, asking him to evaluate, self-disclosure, and role-playing.
You can use interviews. For example, you talked about the situation with you and your spouse. Pretend that I’m your spouse. I say this to you. How do you respond? You can use that approach. You can also use visuals—visual diagrams and representations of some of the things from the Bible are often really helpful for people.
Don’t feel like you have to use one specific mode. You want to be able to use a variety of modes in terms of what’s going to best help your counseling.
“Don’t feel like you just need to lecture them the whole time—use observation, discussion, role-playing, and visuals.”
Step 6: Give Homework
And hand in hand with this step of providing instruction is giving homework. Number six.
Five, we provide instruction. Number six, we give homework. Giving homework is really part of providing instruction, but I wanted to emphasize it, so I made it its own category. I want to give it extra emphasis.
Wayne Mack—if you don’t know him, he’s a very experienced counselor. He’s done a number of counseling books. He’s with ACBC. He says this about counseling homework in his book “Introduction to Biblical Counseling.” This is Wayne Mack:
“We can help our counselors to avoid frustration and discouragement by helping them to understand that change is a gradual process requiring practice. And we can help them through the change process by assigning homework that facilitates practice—not just homework that teaches principles, but homework that requires application of those principles.”
I told you that giving instruction needs to involve translating the Bible into action, and your homework is one of the primary ways that you can do that. Our counselors need to put the truths of the Bible into practice if they’re going to become trained out of unrighteousness and trained in righteousness.
Your counseling homework is translating whatever you’ve discussed in the counseling session into action. As the counselor, you plan specific strategies on pertinent biblical directives. The counselee then practices those strategies in his life.
As he perseveres, as he applies the biblical principles repeatedly over and over, it will become the godly patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior that need to be integrated into his life. You’re training him.
“Counseling homework translates whatever you’ve discussed into action, training new godly patterns of thinking and behavior.”
Why Homework Matters
The flesh? No one likes to do homework. Counseling homework is great for many reasons.
First of all, it puts responsibility for change where it belongs: on the counselee. You’re not responsible to make him change. He is. You, as the counselor, are a help and a guide in the process, but he’s ultimately responsible.
Homework keeps expectations clear for both the counselor and the counselee. “This is what you need to do.” It helps minimize dependence on the counselor. He learns that, “Oh, I don’t just go to him for everything. I have these other resources, and ultimately I’m going to the Lord in his word.”
Homework helps the counselor be a good steward of his time. By using homework, you help teach, apply, and practice much more quickly. You also gather data more quickly as you use homework. You bring out problems and patterns more quickly, and you discover those who are not serious about change.
If somebody doesn’t do the homework, that probably indicates they’re not really interested in change as Christ calls them to be.
Homework continues counseling principles between sessions. It communicates to your counselee that you believe things can be different today. They don’t have to wait until the next counseling session. They can start doing what the Bible says now and immediately start putting God’s truth into practice.
Homework also provides data for your future counseling sessions.
“Homework puts responsibility for change where it belongs: on the counselee.”
Qualities of Good Homework
Or what kind of homework should you give your counseling? Well, good homework has certain qualities.
Good homework is, first of all, specific. Don’t ask your counselor, “All right, for homework, be more loving to your spouse.” Better: “At least once a day, serve your spouse in one of the five specific ways your spouse has asked you to serve him or her, and then write a paragraph about how it goes. I want to read that paragraph next time you come to the counseling session.”
That’s just one example, but notice how it’s specific. You give your counseling specific homework, specific goals. It’s more likely he’ll be able to do them.
Good homework also involves both knowing and acting. The counseling does need to learn more, but remember, ultimately they need to apply. They need to put it into practice.
Good assignments need to be appropriate to the counselor’s problems. And good homework—this is key—gets reviewed at the beginning of each counseling session.
What is the most common gripe of any student, whether elementary school, middle school, high school, or college, when it comes to homework? “We don’t even go over it in the class. What’s the point of doing it? We never talk about it. We don’t even go over the correct answers.”
You don’t want to put your accounts in that kind of difficult situation. Homework is a good friend to you in counseling. Actually, homework is what sets the agenda largely for each counseling session.
“Good homework gets reviewed at the beginning of each counseling session. Homework is what sets the agenda.”
If you’re meeting with your counselor for an hour—which is my recommended amount of time—15 to 20 minutes should be going over and discussing the homework. If you’re wondering, “Man, what am I going to do in that hour?” Part of it—a good part of it—has got to be going over the homework.
And whatever you do in the rest of the session should build off of the homework. Respond to whatever is in the homework.
Like I said, it helps set the agenda. By integrating homework into your counseling sessions, you not only show your counselors how important it is that they do the homework—because, after all, half your session, a third of your session, is just the homework. They don’t do it? That’s a big problem. It’s important that they do the homework. You show them that by saying, “We’re going to go over it. We’re going to talk about it extensively.”
But also, it makes it much easier for you as a counselor in planning your time, planning what you’re going to talk about each session. You’re going to build off of the homework.
To give you a specific example: let’s say I’m trying to help a man with sexual purity. I might give him a chapter or two to read from “Finally Free” for homework. “Read these chapters. Write down five observations or questions, and we’ll talk about it.”
In the next counseling session, we do spend 15 to 20 minutes going over the reading. Then we spend some more of our time looking further into one of the Bible passages that came up in the reading. Then we brainstorm together what translating the principles of that passage looks like in everyday living, and putting those into practice is part of the next homework.
So homework is your friend. Use homework to help set the agenda, to underscore the importance of practicing the biblical truths. Don’t avoid homework, and don’t let your counseling avoid homework.
I think it’s the experience of many Christians that they’re trying to help their brothers and sisters in their faith, trying to counsel them, but they’re just like, “Man, they never seem to put into practice what I’m saying. We have a good time together when we meet once a week, but then they’re no different the next time.”
One of the reasons for that, I think, is that lack of application, that lack of homework. So use homework. Homework is your great friend and ally in counseling.
Types of Homework to Assign
But what kind of homework should you give? We talked about some qualities of homework, but what about specific types? Well, you won’t be surprised to hear that many of the more common and useful kinds of homework are the ones that I’ve assigned you in this counseling course. I’ve already given you many examples and models to help teach you what kind of homework usually works well.
Bible reading and Bible passages, pamphlets, booklets, reading books or chapters from books, having them listen to sermons or other recordings of different kinds, data gathering assignments such as journaling. In the example homework that I’ve given you for extra credit, the extra notes, you see one type of journaling called an “upset journal.” There’s also the journal that I came up with. I called it the “T journal.” It’s not that different. Use journaling for your counseling.
Assign journaling. Assign daily devotions or focus devotions on certain scriptures that apply to their problems. Require church attendance. Require the putting into practice certain loving deeds. Give them different kinds of worksheets to fill out.
These are all different types of homework you can use. You’ve seen examples and you’ve experienced them yourself.
There are more ideas for homework in different resources. Wayne Mack has a book, “A Homework Manual for Biblical Living.” And a lot of biblical counseling sites and magazines also have other examples of homework you can use.
“Assign journaling, devotions, church attendance, and loving deeds—variety in homework for variety of needs.”
But you want to assign homework. Get creative with the homework. Make sure it’s relevant. Match your assignment to your counseling and what he’s going through. And be prepared, especially in the beginning, that maybe not all of your homework assignments are going to work out or be effective.
This certainly was the case for me when I started biblical counseling. I assigned some homework, and I’m like, “Okay, didn’t really work out the way that I intended.” That’s okay. Mistakes are painful, but they’re okay. They should be expected.
Don’t think you’re going to get everything perfect the first time that you try. You’ll never get better if you don’t try something as a counselor. And the same is true for your counselee. He won’t get better. He won’t be able to put those truths and have them become a habit in his life if he doesn’t practice, if he doesn’t try.
Give homework to your counseling. Be careful not to give too much homework. Be discerning about how much your counselee can handle based on his spiritual maturity, his competency, and just what’s going on in his life.
Better to ask your counselee up front if what you are assigning him is impossible or too much. Ask him up front and say, “Hey, does this seem like too much? Will you be able to do this?” Much better to ask him up front and have him say, “Yeah, I think that’s too much,” rather than to come in next week already with your preparations for the counseling session, and he says, “Sorry, I couldn’t do it. It was too much.”
Ask him up front. Be understanding towards your counselee, but also set the expectation that your counselee will do all the homework assigned. Let him know up front if otherwise it’s too much.
Number five: provide instruction. Number six: give homework.
Now, as I said last time, in the beginning there’s more data gathering, but that gets less over time. As you’ve gathered the data and there’s less instruction in the beginning, but that gets greater over time. As you’ve gathered the data and put your interpretation into practice, it’s kind of like they’re crossing. When one increases, the other decreases.
Step 7: Give Hope
But the next step in our counseling method is something that you should be doing, something you should be giving your counseling the entire time. And that is number seven: give hope.
Give hope. If Christians are anything, we should be a people of hope. And why is that? Because our God is a God of hope. The scriptures say this directly.
Romans 15:13 says, “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace and believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Hope is a key part of the motivation to pursue and persevere in the process of sanctification, following after Christ, the biblical process of change. We need hope.
“Hope is a key part of the motivation to pursue and persevere in the biblical process of change.”
You can see the connection. The scriptures speak of someone who’s trying to overcome a situation and his need for hope.
Psalm 42:5 gives an example of the psalmist directing his heart back to hope instead of despair when he faces hard circumstances. He says, “Why are you in despair, oh my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him for the help of his presence.”
In Romans 5:3-5, Paul links hope with the Christian’s ability to endure righteously through tribulation. Paul says, “Not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance, and perseverance proven character, and proven character hope. And hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit it was given to us.”
Our Christian hope doesn’t just culminate in what God will do for us in this life, but ultimately in the life to come.
In Romans 8:24-25, right after talking about what God will do for believers, even in raising them from the dead and bringing them into a kingdom that is no longer of futility, Paul says this.
Romans 8:24-25: “For in hope we have been saved. But hope that is seen is not hope, for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.”
It’s a direct connection between hoping and what God will do in the future and being able to persevere in the present.
Romans 8:25: “If we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.”
Considering the importance of hope in the Christian life, we would do well to give hope to everyone. Isn’t what the scriptures say? “Encourage one another more and more day after day as you see the day of Christ approaching.”
But our counselees especially need hope. And why is that?
Well, I told you last time: most people wait to get counseling until they’ve reached what point? Absolute crisis. The brink of ruin. Which means they are very low on hope.
Those who need this specific ministry of counseling are people low on hope. They’ve had their problems for a long time. Their problems are serious and difficult. Sometimes they have had life-shattering experiences. They have failed in big ways. They are spiritually weak. Sometimes they suffer from many physical afflictions. They have marriage difficulties. They face weighty life decisions and situations. And sometimes they describe themselves as depressed or even suicidal because of this reality.
In our accounts, we need to give them hope from the first session and throughout.
True Hope vs. False Hope
What kind of hope should you give them? Be careful. Don’t give them a false or unrealistic hope. Don’t tell them, “Don’t worry, you’ll recover from this cancer.” Are you sure? “God will heal your marriage and bring your spouse back.” What if God doesn’t? “I have this impression from God that you’ll soon find a new job.” How do you know for certain whether that impression is from God or merely from your own mind?
Be careful. Don’t give your counseling an empty or false hope that is based on wrong goals, a denial of reality, or mere mystical thinking. You’re setting your counseling up for a huge fall if you do.
We don’t want to persuade our counselees to hope in something that neither we nor they can know for certain. They may appeal to us for that kind of hope. “Do you think my spouse will come back? Do you think my family will change?”
“I don’t know. It’s true that often applying the scriptures does bring about healing in relationships to a certain degree. It does improve life situations often. But remember what we learned in Ecclesiastes? There’s no perfect wisdom to guarantee absolute security or success in life. Generally, it’s helpful, but ultimately that’s not in our control.”
We don’t want to direct them to an empty hope. But we do want to direct them to a true hope—a true and sure word of hope. Where does that come from? The Scripture. It’s the result of salvation and relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s realistic. It’s sure. And it is based on a choice—a choice to hope.
First Peter 1:13 says, “Therefore, prepare your minds for action. Keep sober in spirit. Fix your hope completely not on changed circumstances, but on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
We cannot guarantee for our counselees that their circumstantial problems will go away or get better. Sometimes following Christ makes the situation harder. But we can direct people to an unchanging God who is himself sufficient for us and whose promises will never fail.
1 Peter 1:13: “Fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
We say to our counselees, “Friend, no matter what kind of pattern you’ve gotten yourself into in your life, Christ is able to change you from the heart, and he can uphold you no matter what situation you are in if you will pursue him by faith. Even if your circumstances—your difficult circumstances—don’t change, you can have joy. You can have peace in knowing that you are pleasing the Lord and walking according to his will. You can glorify him in the midst of trouble, and the Lord will take note, and he will reward you—if not now, then in the life to come.”
This is fundamentally what I think I’ve talked about before: we are directing our counselees back to Christ in the gospel. We don’t have anything better than that, but that is the best.
Where does hope come from? Christ. The gospel. That’s what we believed at first. It’s what your counselees need to believe again. Direct them to that hope from the beginning of your time together and throughout.
How to Help Counselees Grow in Hope
How can you help your counseling grow in hope? There are some different means that you want to use.
Help them grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ and love for him. They see Christ as more and more precious. It won’t naturally build their hope in him.
Teach your counselee to think biblically. Think biblically about their situation, about God’s character. I found this in counseling a lot of times: people who are struggling with hope—it’s because they have wrong ideas about God. They’ve come to believe certain things about God that are not true according to the Bible. You need to help them think biblically.
“God does love you. God does have—he is acting in perfect wisdom for you. He is sovereign over your situation.” Help them to think biblically about God.
Help them to think biblically about the possibility of good, even when it seems impossible. “God can still bring about good in this situation. He is a good God.”
Help them to think biblically about the divine resources that they have that enable change and perseverance. “You can do this. The Lord will enable you.”
Help them think biblically about the true nature and cause of their problems.
Help them think biblically about the language they use to describe their problems. I’ve emphasized this throughout, right? Get them away from worldly language that is often hopeless or undermines hope.
“I have this addiction. I am mentally ill. I have this disorder.” That doesn’t encourage change or hope. “I’m stuck.” Get them thinking biblically and using biblical language. And that applies to many, many categories.
Also, be solution-oriented with your counseling. Help them see how they’re going to get from where they are to where God wants them to be, because sometimes they don’t know how to proceed, and that’s what destroys their hope.
Help them think clearly. “Look, the Lord is going to enable you to change as you trust in him. And here’s how we’re going to do that specifically. I’m going to walk with you. Here’s how we’re going to move from here to there.”
Be solution-oriented. And help them see, as they begin to embark on those solutions, the iceberg principle—that is, as God is proven sufficient for dealing with certain known problems, he can be trusted with others as well.
And sometimes, when your counselee sees that, that’s when they tell you about the deeper problems. “Well, the Lord is sufficient for this as well.”
As they make progress, point that out for them. Say, “Look, you are changing. Look, God is doing this in your heart. Even from last week, you’re doing something different than you did before. That’s the Lord at work in you. And if he’s already started working, he will continue as you continue to trust in him.”
And then, finally, be a model of hope and victory yourself for your counselee. Sometimes, in counseling, especially at the beginning, your counselee will have to live off of your hope. They have to borrow it from you because they have none left.
But as they see that you have hope in God despite the extremity of their situation, and that your hope is not mere words and platitudes but backed up with your confident and sincere actions on their behalf, that will build their hope in God.
Say, “He’s confident. He’s confident in the Lord’s work. She’s confident in the Lord’s work. Maybe there is hope. Maybe the Lord really can change me and help me to respond to the situation rightly.”
You might have to be there. You have to support them until they’re able to see the hope that they have in the Lord on their own.
“At the beginning, your counselee may have to live off your hope—borrow it from you because they have none left.”
So provide instruction, give homework, and give hope.
Now, let’s say you’re doing all these things, along with the other four steps that we’ve mentioned, and you make it to your sixth session—which I told you is generally a good time for a checkup session. Tell your counselee in the beginning, “Let’s see how we’re doing after six sessions.”
Step 8: End Counseling
Well, you arrive there. What do you do then? How do you know when to end counseling? Let’s talk about that in our last step: number eight, end counseling.
I told you it’s a good idea to have a special time of assessment in your sixth session, but you want to be assessing progress all along. By the sixth session, for sure, you definitely want to have a good sense of whether the counseling is proving effective or not.
Assessing Progress at the Checkup Session
You’re looking for certain things. I don’t have these all listed here, so you can just listen.
The counselor understands what caused his or her problems and the biblical way of handling those problems. Does he understand his situation and how to deal with it from the Bible?
Counseling is beginning to understand and implement a new response pattern. Counseling begins to practice this new pattern automatically. It’s becoming his habit.
The counseling has failed, but can diagnose the reason for his failure and make plans for correcting the problem. Don’t expect perfection, but a good sign is if he does stumble, if he does turn back into that sin. Does he know why it happened? And does he know how to deal with it, how to get back up?
Can the counseling state specifically how he or she has changed?
Has the counseling been tested, been put in new trials, and yet proven victorious in the test? Someone who was formerly just always getting in fights with his spouse had a situation where they could have gotten into a fight, but they didn’t. And maybe even more than one.
Can others verify a change in the counseling? Maybe the spouse does.
Does the counseling begin to share his victory with others spontaneously? What he or she is learning, even in informal counseling? You just find out that he’s telling another. He was struggling with his marriage, but now he’s telling other people how they can seek the Lord in their marriages. That’s a good sign.
Does the counseling also have an increased love for Jesus Christ and for others?
He’s seeing—as you assess these different categories and you see fruit, that’s a great sign. That’s great. That’s where you want to praise the Lord and say, “Thank you, God. You’re the one who did this.”
“As you see fruit, praise the Lord and say, ‘Thank you, God. You’re the one who did this.’”
But don’t stop counseling just yet. As you see those good fruits in counseling, you see that they’re actually changing, encourage them about the grace of God at work in their lives. But keep meeting with them. They’ll taper off gradually. Wean off your meetings with them, and see if they continue well.
When you’re not meeting as frequently, instead of meeting every week, meet every two weeks. And if they do well with that, meet after three weeks. And if they still do well with that, if they’re still growing and continuing in the things that you’ve talked about together, then have one last session with them.
This would probably be around the ninth or tenth session, where you review what they’ve learned, you track how they’ve grown, and you just give praise to God together. That’s a great time. It’s like a celebratory last session.
The ending of your formal counseling is not the end of your counseling or the end of your Christian relationship. It’s just the end of your time of focused discipleship together.
And like I said before, often successful counseling results in a nice deep relationship with the person you’ve counseled. They’re your friends. They’re your close friends now in Christ.
A person in counseling is also well on his way to becoming a counselor himself, teaching others what God has taught him through you and through the resources and homework that you assigned. It’s actually the model that really should always be the case in counseling.
When somebody’s completed counseling, they should be able to counsel others. We should be multiplying counselors in the church.
Ending Well vs. Ending With a Warning
A positive ending to counseling is what we’d all like to see. And sometimes we do. Praise the Lord. That’s not always the way it turns out.
Sometimes you have to end counseling for a different reason. Sometimes, at your checkup meeting, or even before that, you can clearly observe that your counseling is not serious about following the Lord or changing. They’re not doing the homework. They’re not consistently coming to the counseling sessions. And more or less acting the same way as they did at the beginning.
In such cases, you need to be straightforward with your counselee about what you see and how, unless there is change, it’s not profitable for you to continue to meet together. You love them too much to just see them ignore counsel, ignore the wisdom of God’s word, and continue in destructive sin.
If this person attends your same church, you may also need to make clear, as you have this straightforward conversation with your counselee, that because you love them, because you love Christ, and because you love Christ’s church, you will need to follow Matthew 18 and confront them with another brother if they do not repent.
Remember, God’s design for counseling is part of the church, not apart from it. And what did God command the church?
Matthew 18:15-18.
“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.”
In many cases, biblical counseling is the first step of church discipline. But this is a good thing for two reasons.
One: it gives counseling more teeth and seriousness. Change is not optional for the Christian. It is a matter of right fellowship with God in his church. When your counselee knows and understands that, it helps them take the counseling more seriously.
But also, counseling integrated with church discipline keeps the body pure. If someone is continuing to live in sin despite confrontation and counsel—extensive confrontation and counsel—that person is going to be a negative influence on others in the church, and they need to be removed. If they’re not willing to repent and change, they need to be removed from the body.
No one wants to have to practice church discipline. But if necessary to honor Christ and protect his church, the biblical counselor needs to be ready to participate.
“Biblical counseling integrated with church discipline gives counseling more teeth and keeps the body pure.”
Say this with compassion, but say this with seriousness. “Look, friend, this is what God has called me to do as your brother in Christ and in our local church. You cannot just simply continue in your sin. You haven’t changed. And if something’s not going to change now, then I need to bring another brother alongside, and we need to talk to you together.”
If there’s a good result to the checkup, taper off to the last session—a time of review and praise.
If there’s a bad result to the checkup, underscore the seriousness of the situation. Observe for another session or two. But if there’s still no change? End counseling with a warning.
What if the result is somewhere in the middle? Some progress, but not enough that you’d feel comfortable ending the counseling and leaving your counselee on their own? That sometimes is the case.
The best thing to do in that situation? Maybe adjust your approach. Spend a little bit more time together before you make a final decision. Say, “I need more time to observe. Friend, this is what I’m seeing so far. We need to make more progress. Let’s continue for another two sessions and see where we are then.”
Something like that.
Like I said before, counseling shouldn’t go on forever. Generally, more than 10 sessions isn’t advised. But that’s not a hard rule. As you assess the particular needs of your counseling situation, you might say, “What? This counseling is going to need more time. But I’m able to give it, and I’m willing.”
If you’re not sure how or whether to continue, it’s always good to get advice from another spiritually mature person or biblical counselor. Say, “Hey, here’s the situation. Here’s the progress I’ve seen. I’m still worried that I’m not seeing enough. What do you think I should do?” That will be helpful to you.
In some cases—this is definitely not ideal—but you might have to end counseling somewhere in the middle, commending someone’s progress but encouraging them to pursue still more and saying, “We can possibly meet again in the future.”
There was one couple that Emma met with in California. We met with them for an entire year, which was definitely more than 10 sessions. There were some unique challenges to that situation, and that was in the middle of the COVID pandemic, which set back some of the things that we had tried to do with them.
But ultimately, they didn’t progress to the point where we could say, “Yes, you’re good to go.” But we couldn’t just keep counseling them, especially once we moved back to New Jersey. So we tried to commend them and tell them to go forward in some of the ways that they still needed to change. But we had to leave that with the Lord. We couldn’t just keep counseling them.
Actually, it was encouraging the other day. They sent a note saying that they had since been growing in the Lord, and God had done a great work in their lives.
But that’s it. That’s our whole method right there.
This is not an inspired method. You don’t have to look up these steps somewhere in the Bible. It’s just an application of biblical principles. But here’s an effective method for approaching counseling.
Number one: begin counseling.
Number two: gain involvement.
Number three: gather data.
Number four: interpret data.
Number five: provide instruction.
Number six: give homework.
Number seven: give hope.
Number eight: end counseling.
Final Encouragements
A few final thoughts as we end today’s class in our biblical counseling 101 course.
First: thank you. Thank you for attending and participating in this class. That’s an encouragement to me, and I believe it’s a help to God’s church. I hope this instruction has been helpful to you.
Second: even if you do not totally understand or remember everything that you heard in this class, that’s okay. I trust that you still gain something that will help you in your own sanctification and in your one-anothering ministry that God has called you to. Put it into practice.
Third: I do not expect that necessarily just from this course any of you are ready for formal counseling. “Hey, I’m ready to be a counselor and do all that a counselor does.” I understand that this is just a foundation-setting class. I’m not trying to expect too much from you.
But certainly, you should be equipped more for informal counseling. And if you are interested, if the Lord is raising you up with special joy and skill for formal counseling, come talk to me about it.
Because the way to become trained as a formal counselor is not simply by sitting in classes, but observing other counselors in action and participating with them and then counseling under their oversight before you counsel people on your own. That’s the way I was trained as a biblical counselor. I didn’t just take classes and then jump right into it. I was gradually integrated more and more into what biblical counselors are already doing.
And I want to do the same for you. So if you are showing interest or desire, or God is raising you up with some special skill in counseling, come talk to me. Because I want you to become a greater resource in this church and also help train up other counselors.
But that will take some more training, and I want to help you with that.
Finally: if you’re feeling overwhelmed, totally inadequate to do counseling, remember to some extent that is justified. We are never sufficient for these things in and of ourselves. It is good for us to prepare and get training. That’s why I’ve done this course.
But ultimately, the power is from God. In the end, you’re not going to do counseling perfectly. Neither am I. But what the Lord uses—the imperfect. The Lord uses the weak. The Lord uses baked dirt ambassadors, right, as Pastor Bobby calls us, Christians, from the scriptures.
But we have the privilege. We have the privilege of participating in God’s glorious and powerful work. So don’t shy away just because you feel like you’re inadequate. We all are. But we can become more trained, and God can still use us.
“We have the privilege of participating in God’s glorious and powerful work—don’t shy away just because you feel inadequate.”
So let’s indeed do that, whether informally or formally. Let’s use the word to minister to one another as God intended.
That is the end of the class. No Sunday school next week unless you’re in the new member’s class. If you have other questions or comments, please see me afterwards.
It’s closing prayer.
Heavenly Father, thank you so much for this time of training. And thank you, Lord, that you’re the one who’s sufficient for counseling. We can’t do it, Lord. Changing hearts is beyond us. But you use us. You have specifically ordained that you glorify yourself by using the weak to accomplish your good purposes. You use the foolish, those who are of little account to the world, to show the strong and the supposedly wise that they are nothing before God.
Lord, use us. Use us to minister your word to one another, to help marriages, to help the discouraged, to help those who have lost hope. Sanctify this church, use us as part of that process, and fill us with joy as we serve you in one another in this way.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
Thank you, everyone.