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Sunday School

Lesson 1: Biblical Counseling Foundations

Speaker
David Capoccia

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In this lesson, Pastor Dave Capoccia begins a new, twelve-week series on biblical counseling for marriage and parenthood by reviewing the most fundamental concepts of the Biblical Counseling 101 course (https://www.calvaryem.org/sermon-series/biblical-counseling-101/). Pastor Dave will be applying these foundational concepts specifically to marriage and parenting in the coming weeks. More specifically, Pastor Dave answers three key questions in today’s lesson:

1. What is biblical counseling?
2. How does a person change in biblical counseling?
3. What method should you use in biblical counseling?

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Note: This transcript and summary was autogenerated. It has not yet been proofread or edited by a human.

Summary

This lesson reviews the foundational principles of biblical counseling as an introduction to a 12-week series on marriage and parenthood counseling. We are reminded that every believer is called and equipped to minister God’s Word privately to one another—not just pastors or professionals. The Bible is sufficient to reveal and transform hearts, and biblical counseling is ultimately focused discipleship aimed at restoring worship of Christ.

Key Lessons:

  1. Biblical counseling is using the Bible to reveal and change people’s hearts so they become more like Christ—it is not reserved for professionals but is the calling of every believer.
  2. All sinful behavior ultimately flows from idolatry in the heart—wrong thoughts, desires, and beliefs that have displaced the worship of God.
  3. True and lasting change requires putting off idolatrous heart worship and putting on renewed worship of Christ, which then leads to changed behavior.
  4. The Bible is fully sufficient to equip believers for every good work, including the ministry of counseling others through difficult marriages and parenting struggles.

Application: We are called to go beyond passive observation and step into the lives of fellow believers with God’s Word. Whether in our own marriages and families or in ministering to others, we must be willing to engage in patient, ongoing discipleship—gathering data, providing biblical instruction, giving homework, and offering genuine hope in Christ.

Discussion Questions:

  1. What idols or desires in your own heart have you noticed producing sinful attitudes, words, or actions—and how does recognizing the root change your approach to repentance?
  2. Why is it important that biblical counseling aims for heart worship rather than merely solving problems or changing outward behavior?
  3. What fears or excuses have kept you from engaging in private, one-on-one ministry of God’s Word to others, and how does this lesson address those concerns?

Scripture Focus: Hebrews 4:12 (the Word judges the thoughts and intentions of the heart), Colossians 1:28 (admonishing and teaching every person to maturity in Christ), James 4:1-4 (quarrels stem from idolatrous desires), Ephesians 4:22-24 (putting off the old self and putting on the new), and 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (Scripture equips for every good work).

Outline

Introduction

Welcome to Sunday school. Let me open with a word of prayer, and I’ll tell you all about what we’re going to do today and the next weeks.

Lord God, thank you for your word. It is a powerful, sufficient, heart-transforming word. God, I pray that your people would be built up today to confidence in your word, even to confidently minister to others for your sake. To build up marriages, but Lord, even just individually, whether people are married or not, to minister your word so that people can joyfully follow after you in worship and obedience. Pray that you would empower me to explain this. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Well, today we begin our new Sunday school series: biblical counseling for marriage and parenthood. I’m very grateful that you are all here. This is the sequel to a course that we did two years ago that was called “Why Do I Do What I Do and How Can I Change: Biblical Counseling 101.”

Course Overview and Expectations

What can you expect from this course? Allow me to briefly tell you. This is going to be a 12-week overview. We’re going to go over the most core information when it comes to counseling marriages and parents. Not going to go over all the specific issues, but we will touch on many of those. But we’re going to talk about the main information that you need to know.

In terms of materials, I’m adapting this course from a course that I took in seminary on marriage and family counseling from Dr. John Street. He gave me permission to use his course material and notes. This is actually very similar to if you were to ever pursue training with ACBC—the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors—this would be very similar to their level two course.

So this is not something that I just came up with. This is actually something that’s used in many places, though I’m giving you my version of it in this class.

In this class, there will be homework. Work, yes, homework is an important part of counseling, just as it is an important part of counseling training. Homework provides reinforcement and an opportunity for further learning.

“Homework is an important part of counseling, just as it is an important part of counseling training.”

If you signed up for the course, which I hope that you did, there was a physical signup sheet. You could also email me. You can still sign up today.

If you did sign up for this course, then I expect that you will do the homework. I’m not checking it or grading it, but we will talk about it in class. We are going to go over the homework.

If you didn’t sign up, I encourage you to do so because you will get out what you put in in this class. That’s true of counseling. That’s true of education in general. If you put forth the effort, if you go above and beyond, you’re going to get even more out of it. But if you put forth minimal effort, you’re not going to get very much out.

I will make sure that the homework is not too burdensome. It’s mainly going to consist of a little bit of reading, some light writing assignments. It will be a great benefit to your life. So don’t be surprised at the homework. Do the homework.

In terms of format, the general flow of each class is going to be the same. We’re going to discuss the homework at the beginning of each class. I’m going to go through the main lesson, and then hopefully receive questions at the end of the class.

I’m using a basic PowerPoint as a visual aid. Class is meant to be interactive. But if you have a question, short questions during the class, long questions at the end of class or after class.

Do expect in this course sanctification. I said this in our original series, but Em and I both found that when we took biblical counseling class while we were in California, that we were confronted by our own sins. We realized that we needed to grow as Christians and as a husband and wife. So marriage and family counseling was very good for our marriage in terms of sanctifying us. And we trust it’s going to be sanctifying to you.

Expect your heart to be uncovered. Expect your heart to be corrected in some ways. But ultimately, expect blessing. You may be challenged by what you believe, or may be challenged according to some of the things that you believe. But this is ultimately for your good. So expect that from this class.

And expect also equipping for ministry. This is one of the things I tried to present in my introductory email a couple of weeks ago as to why you should take this class. But not just for yourself or for your own marriage or for your own kids, but for others.

You are called, and you will be equipped to disciple, to counsel others who are married or who are parents through this class. I’m going to give you a theological foundation and also practical instruction.

So if you’re not doing anything with this course as we go along or at the end of it, then you really missed the point.

Now, what topics are we going to be going over? I did show you these in my email if you saw that. But 12 weeks, might tweak the titles a little bit and maybe the order, but this is probably what we’re going to go through. We will finish just after Easter Sunday, unless there’s some other Sunday school cancellation or something like that. We’ll finish just after Easter. Easter Sunday at the beginning of April.

I won’t mention all those things, but you can read them there.

Finally, you should expect that this builds on the level one course. This course assumes that you’ve taken that course and you appreciate the main concepts from that course. We’re building on that foundation as we discuss level two.

But here’s where you might say, “But I wasn’t part of the original course, or it was two years ago. I don’t remember it.” I understand, which is why we’re going to start our new course with the review, with the review today, of the most foundational concepts from our Biblical 101 class.

This is functioning as like a crash course or a brief refresher. Obviously, I cannot recapitulate that whole course. It was 10 lessons, and we’re only discussing it in one lesson today. Your best option, if you really want to go back and refresh yourself in that material, is to actually go back and watch and listen to that course. We do have the recordings online.

And if you didn’t do the homework the first time with that first course, then you can just let me know, and I’ll send you those articles and assignments.

But today, my goal is to go over the most important concepts from our Biblical Counseling 101 course. Hence the title for today’s class, which is “Biblical Counseling Foundations.” We want to talk about those most foundational concepts before we start applying them more specifically to marriage and parenthood.

The Desperate Need for Marriage and Family Counseling

But perhaps you are also saying to yourself now, “Wow, this course sounds intense. I don’t think I should have signed up for this. Maybe I should back out now or just audit the class.” Let me encourage you not to do that because, honestly, you cannot afford to, and neither can this church afford for you to do that.

Why do I say that? Because the desperate need for marriage and family counseling is all around you. Among your relatives, among Christians, and yes, even among families at this church.

“The desperate need for marriage and family counseling is all around you.”

Church, there are couples who frequently get into fights and don’t know how to resolve them. There are couples who are struggling to rebuild their relationship after sexual sin. There are marriages in which one of the spouses is experiencing abuse and is afraid to say anything about it because of the fear of reprisal.

There are single people who long to be married and who feel anxious or depressed that they will never find the right person. There are single people who are dating or engaged to a person that they should not be according to the scriptures.

There are parents whose children are out of control and causing those parents to stress every day. And there are parents whose older children are deciding that they are gay or a different gender than their biological sex.

I want you to understand, brethren, that as we talk about these things in this course, these are not problems out there that some Christians are dealing with. Now, these are problems among the people, among professing Christians, even among the couples and families in this church.

Maybe even you yourself. Maybe you yourself in one of the situations that I just described or something similar.

So now the question is: What are you going to do about it? If you are in one of the situations, if you are in a difficult marriage or parenthood situation, where are you going to find help? Where are you going to find hope?

Or if you become aware of one of these situations from someone else, someone reaches out to you for help, or you realize that someone needs help, what are you going to say? You can’t say nothing. There’s a desperate need right in front of you.

And you can’t simply say, “I’ll pray for you.” That’s a good thing to do, but that person needs more than that. Nor should you simply say, “You should get counseling from Pastor Dave. You should go to one of the pastors or the elders.” You shouldn’t say that because maybe that person doesn’t go to this church, or maybe that person is not yet willing to meet with a pastor or elder. But that person knows and trusts you, and they’ve confided in you.

And besides, your pastors don’t have the ability to meet with everyone. We’re actually desperate for help in counseling God’s people because we can’t do it all.

In our own part of the reason for this course is to raise up more counselors in the church.

But you might say, “But I can’t do it. I can’t be a biblical counselor. I can’t help people with marriage and parenthood problems. I don’t have the necessary training. I don’t have the resources to handle serious problems like this. I mean, if it’s a small thing, yeah, I could say something. But if it’s serious, no, we need a professional.”

Actually, let me tell you: Christ has called you. Yes, all of you here, as biblical counselors in one way or another. And he’s given you the necessary resources for this work: in his word and in his spirit. And what do? He’s even provided special training for you starting today so that you can grow in your confidence and ability to do this work.

“Christ has called you as biblical counselors and given you the necessary resources: his word and his spirit.”

In light of all that, brethren, I urge you: do not shrink back from this course, nor put in minimal effort. Go all in. This course is very relevant and practical for your life and the lives of those around you.

So for your own sake, for the church’s sake, for Christ’s sake, go on in.

What Is Biblical Counseling?

Now, as I said, I’d like to cover the biblical counseling foundations today, basically looking to answer three questions. We talked about these in a previous course. I want to bring them back to your mind because they’re going to be very relevant as we go forward in this new course.

What are the three questions? First, what is biblical counseling? Second, how does the person change in biblical counseling? And third, what method should you use in biblical counseling?

Let’s start at the beginning. What exactly is biblical counseling?

Many ways we can answer that question, but allow me to give you this answer: biblical counseling is just a fancy term for using the Bible to reveal and change people’s hearts so that those people become more like Christ. Biblical counseling is just using the Bible to reveal and change people’s hearts. Those people become—does the Bible really enable us to do this kind of ministry?

“Biblical counseling is just using the Bible to reveal and change people’s hearts.”

It certainly does. In fact, the Bible uniquely prepares us for this kind of ministry.

People are a combination of soul and body. With all the ways that people are being treated in the world today, it’s usually just as a body or a body and a psyche, some sort of immaterial part of you, which is not spiritual. But the Bible tells us differently. People are spirit and body.

And if you ignore the spiritual part, you will never be able to effectively minister to somebody, especially because their spiritual—as I’m going to explain to you more in just a second—is the seat of all that we do.

Biblical counseling gets the true root of why people do what they do and how they can change. Thus, it is superior to anything that you could find in psychology or psychiatry.

The Bible Reveals the Heart

Listen to Hebrews 4:12. Hebrews 4:12 famous verse. It says: “For the word of God is living, is living and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joint marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

So that last part of the phrase, I want to key on. Last part of that verse: only the word of Christ can cut to the soul level and expose the inner man, the seed of all our actions. God’s supernatural Bible reveals the heart, reveals the mind, reveals the soul. Those terms are used interchangeably in the Bible.

Hebrews 4:12: “The word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

And not just shows you what is right and what is wrong, but it exposes your own thinking and motivations before God and showing whether you measure up to God’s standard or not, whether you are living according to what is right or what is wrong.

But the Bible doesn’t merely expose our hearts. It also transforms them by the truth and person of Christ.

The Bible Transforms Through Christ

Take your Bibles and go to Colossians 1:28 with me for a second. Colossians 1:28. If you’re using a pew Bible, it’s 1,179. Colossians 1:28.

Paul tells the Colossian believers: “We proclaim him, that is Christ, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom so that we may present every man complete in Christ.”

Colossians 1:28: “We proclaim him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ.”

I want to pull out a few things from this verse to bring to your attention.

First, notice that term “admonishing” where he says “admonishing every man.” This is a key term for biblical counseling. In Greek, the word is “noutheteō.” It has the word “nous” as part of it, which is the Greek word for mind or understanding. It’s equivalent to the heart. So the root idea of the term “noutheteō” is to speak to the mind, to advise or counsel, and often has the idea of correction or warning away from a wrong course.

Now, in Colossians 1:28, Paul says that we do this—not just he and those with him, but really all believers. We are admonishing every man and teaching every man. So there’s admonishment and instruction, and it’s being done with all wisdom. Says “teaching every man with all wisdom.”

Now, let me ask you: where does this wisdom come from?

Yeah, it comes from God. It comes from what he’s written in the Bible.

And what is the result of admonishing and instructing every man with this all wisdom according to this verse? Presenting every man complete in Christ. And what does that mean to be complete? Is that merely complete knowledge?

Right. So the term can also be translated “mature,” “adequate.” But we’re not just talking about mature in your knowledge, but it’s showing up in how you live. It’s showing up in your behavior. Otherwise, you are not complete.

We are looking for, according to this verse, along with Paul, right heart and right actions. And it’s this admonishment and instruction with all wisdom from God’s word allows us to do this.

See, the Bible proclaims that we Christians can minister the truth of the Bible not only to reveal what’s in people’s hearts but also to transform them to walk more faithfully after Christ. And this is for every area of life.

Did you notice that in this verse, Colossians 1:28, that we present every man complete? Yes, it can be translated “mature,” “adequate,” but the idea is you are not lacking in any of the fundamentals.

The Sufficiency of Scripture

Indeed, the ministry of biblical counseling is born from the conviction that the Bible gives sufficient counsel for Christians to walk godly, wisely, and joyfully in every area of life.

Two verses that I often go to to present this to people, to show this to people: Second Peter 1:3. I’ll just say these to you for the sake of time.

Second Peter 1:3 says that “God’s divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness through the true knowledge of him who has called us by his own glory and excellence.” There’s nothing that God failed to grant us through Christ, the knowledge of him, and the promises that come according to his word.

Second Timothy 3:16-17 also says: “All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that”—notice this purpose—”the man of God may be adequate.” It’s actually the same word we saw in Colossians, “complete,” “equipped for every good work.”

There’s no good work, there’s no righteous action, there’s no godly way of living that the Bible is going to fail to equip you to accomplish. The Lord’s word, by the Lord’s spirit, you lack no fundamental wisdom from God’s word alone. Supplement the Bible with the latest wisdom of the world. The Bible is your sufficient resource, even for revealing and transforming hearts to Christlikeness.

2 Timothy 3:16-17: “All scripture is inspired by God and profitable… so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.”

Preaching vs. Private Ministry

But perhaps you’re wondering: “I thought preaching was supposed to accomplish this goal. Isn’t that why we do the sermons in church? Isn’t preaching or teaching the Bible what God uses to reveal and transform hearts?”

Well, of course. But what is the difference between preaching and biblical counseling?

What do you mean, specific? It’s specific to the person you’re talking to. You have a relationship with that person. You’re directly applying the scripture to the present situation. Very good, Jonathan. Gave very, very good answer.

In many ways, preaching and biblical counseling are the same thing. But it’s taking something that is public, ministering to everyone at once, and now making it private and ministering to one person or a few people on their specific issues. You’re applying the word of God personally, individually, privately to that person or to those people.

“You’re applying the word of God personally, individually, privately to that person.”

And do people need the private ministry of the word, or can they just subsist on preaching?

They need the private ministry. And why is that?

Okay, you say it keeps them accountable. Mark, yes? We’re actually going to mention that verse in just a second. But Mark, not everybody is there. Not everybody is paying attention. Not everybody sees the necessary applications from the public ministry of the word. They need the private followup or the private supplement to the public ministry of the word.

And I can tell you this from my own experience as a Christian and as a teacher and a pastor: it’s amazing to me how I can preach something on Sunday, and then right after the service, follow up with somebody, just talking, and they’ll mention an issue in their lives. And I say to them, or I say to myself: “Did you not just listen to the message? I was talking exactly about what you’re talking about.” But it’s like you didn’t hear it.

Or I remember when I was on a short-term missions trip to Ukraine, and every day we were giving our testimony and the gospel to these kids, these teens that we were doing a sports camp with. And then I had a private conversation with one of the teens. I asked him if he knew he was going to heaven, and he said, “I don’t think so because I don’t have enough works.”

And I was like, “Have you listened at all to what we’ve been saying to you the past two weeks? Every day we’ve told you again and again: it’s not by works. You’ll never be good enough to go to heaven. But it’s like he never heard it.”

If I never followed up privately with him, he would have got it. It’s the same thing in the scriptures.

We don’t have time to look at these right now, but if you look at Paul’s testimony in Acts 20, where he summarizes to the Ephesian elders his approach and what he’s done and why he’s not guilty of the blood of anybody spiritually, he says he not only taught, he not only did not hold back in any of his preaching in the public assembly, but he also taught them from house to house. Acts 20:20. Not ceasing to admonish—there’s that word again—or counsel each believer with tears. Acts 20:31.

We need the private ministry of the word. The church needs the private ministry of the word.

Biblical Counseling Is Discipleship

Really, another way to think about it is that biblical counseling is just discipleship. It’s just discipleship. It’s maybe a special kind of discipleship because usually it’s focused in on a particular sin problem or a particular spiritual struggle. So we might call biblical counseling “focused discipleship” or “intensive discipleship.” But really, it’s just discipleship. It’s private ministry to one another. It’s individual ministry to one another from the word of God.

“Biblical counseling is just discipleship—focused discipleship, intensive discipleship.”

Every Believer Is Called to Counsel

And now we’ll go to the verse that Mark mentioned before. We are called. The scriptures tell us we are called to disciple one another and minister to one another.

Colossians 3:16 is one example. Colossians 3:16. I’ll just read that again to you, Mark. Quoted it. Let the word of—or actually, yeah, this is no, this wasn’t the one. But this is similar to the idea that you were talking about. Was this the one?

Yeah, okay. I’m sorry. Colossians 3:16 says: “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.”

Now, notice that exert is clearly not just to pastors, not just professional counselors. It’s to all Christians. We are to be letting the word dwell in us and then minister it to one another all the time.

First Thessalonians 5:14 says: “We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

1 Thessalonians 5:14: “Admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

Now, notice again: this command from First Thessalonians 5, to whom is that given? Just the pastors?

Oh, once again, it’s to all Christians. He says, “We urge you, brethren.”

And you may notice from First Thessalonians 5:14 that the emphasis of ministry may change depending on the person to whom you’re ministering and depending on his particular struggle. Some will need more admonishment. Some will need more encouragement. Some will need help. But everyone will need what?

The word. Yes. But in that verse specifically, patience.

It will take patient instruction. Do people learn everything that they need to learn after just one talk with you?

They don’t. What do they really need? What does the person really need if he’s and consistently apply what you’re trying to teach him?

Needs ongoing instruction. He needs ongoing accountability, ongoing encouragement.

This is why with biblical counseling, with discipleship, it’s not one-and-done. And I think this is one of the things that we’re afraid of. This is one of the reasons we don’t want to get into biblical counseling because we say, “Oh, it’s going to take so much of my time.”

Or “I talked with him one time. He didn’t change. So he’s an apostate Christian.”

No. Biblical counseling, discipleship, is going to take time. It’s going to take patience. It’s going to take compassion. It’s going to take care in an ongoing way.

The True Goal: Renewed Worship of Christ

And just to emphasize: the goal of biblical counseling, the goal of discipleship, it is not merely to solve problems. This is what many people are looking for when they sign up for biblical counseling or maybe even they present a problem to you. They want the problem fixed.

“I want a more harmonious marriage. I want relief from pain. I want freedom from a debilitating addiction.”

It’s not a bad desire, and we would love to resolve people’s problems. But the problem is, the problem with that is we can’t ultimately do that. Resolving people’s problems is ultimately out of our control.

We cannot force someone whose wife wants to leave him to come back to him. We cannot force a child who wants to rebel against his parents to no longer try to rebel.

But what we can do is teach, whatever the situation, how to be God’s kind of man, how to be God’s kind of woman, God’s kind of woman in the midst of it. Whatever the other person does, whatever your kids do, whatever your spouse does, how can you be God’s kind of man or God’s kind of woman? How can you have joy and peace in pleasing Christ even if your difficult situation never changes?

What we’re ultimately after, as biblical counselors, what we should be ultimately after as Christians and in any kind of ministry, is worship. Worship, yes. We’re after changed behavior, but that’s not that’s only part of what we’re after.

The true goal of Christian discipleship or biblical counseling is helping one another come back to renewed and growing worship of Christ from the heart.

“The true goal of biblical counseling is helping one another come back to renewed and growing worship of Christ from the heart.”

People say all the time, “It’s not a religion. It’s a relationship.” It’s become somewhat of a trendy phrase, but the idea is critical. I’m not here to just—or our biblical counselor is not here to just enforce conformity on the outside.

What is the Lord after? His people worshiping in spirit and in truth. That’s what we should be after. We want our counselors to love Christ and become more like him.

The true goal of Christian discipleship, counseling, is help people come back to renewed and growing worship of Christ.

Reliance on God’s Power and Grace

But can you make someone love Christ more from the heart?

You can’t. You can reveal a person’s heart with the scriptures. You can show how the Lord wants that person to change and all the motivations and promises the Lord gives to change. But what must happen for a person to actually change?

So the spirit of God has to work. If we think about the sovereignty side of it, that must be the case. But what’s another way to answer that question?

You give the counsel, but for there to be actual change, what must happen?

Yeah, they need to actually choose to change. They actually, actually choose to heed your counsel. They can choose to take it or they can choose not to take it. All you can do is give it.

Second Timothy 2:24-26 gives good counseling advice. Second Timothy 2:24-26. Listen to this. This is particularly given to—this is a counsel towards leadership, but like I said, this is good advice for any counselor.

“The Lord’s bond servant must not be quarrelsome but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition. If perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.”

You see, biblical counseling is a lot like evangelism. You cannot force. You cannot control the results. But you are called to be faithful with the ordained means God has provided. You speak the word. Let God take care of the best. That God take care of the fruit, the results.

“Biblical counseling is a lot like evangelism. You speak the word. Let God take care of the fruit.”

In this way, biblical counseling is another Christian ministry that is completely reliant on the power and grace of God.

If you think, “Oh, I have learned how to counsel. I know exactly what to say. So anyone who comes before me, he’s going to change,” no. You can do everything right. That person may not change. Or you can stumble and bumble and only kind of do what’s right, and the Lord grants that person repentance.

This is a ministry that is relying on the power and grace of God. And this is biblical counseling in a nutshell. This is what it is.

How Does a Person Change?

Now, let’s ask our second main question for today: How does a person change in biblical counseling?

We know where after heart change. How does a person change?

Short version of the answer is this: a person must learn to put off and put on, first on the inside and then on the outside. That is to say, before a person can truly put off sinful behavior and put on righteous behavior—which is what the Bible calls them to do—that person must first have a change of heart.

“A person must learn to put off and put on, first on the inside and then on the outside.”

You must put off idolatry in the heart, or wrong thoughts about God, and put on true worship of Christ.

You see, all sinful behavior ultimately comes from idolatry in the heart, with the heart thinking, desiring, and believing according to what is false. Then, therefore, true and lasting change in a person is only going to take place when those false thoughts, desires, and beliefs in the heart are confronted, when any false idol that is there is dethroned, and Christ is restored to his proper place of worship.

Let me explain that biblical rationale. Or let me explain the biblical rationale for what I just said according to three key concepts.

The Heart Always Pursues What It Worships

One: the heart always pursues whatever it worships. The heart always pursues whatever it worships.

One of the awesome and basic truths about man from the Bible is that he was made to worship. You all here were made to worship. Man, you were always made to love, serve, and find joy in something outside yourself. More specifically, man was made to worship God and depend on God for joy, wisdom, and life.

“Man was made to worship God and depend on God for joy, wisdom, and life.”

Which is really what that prohibition to Adam and Eve was all about in the garden. About, “You can have all these other trees, but not this one tree.” This was an opportunity for Adam and Eve to follow God’s counsel, obey him, fellowship with him, and find eternal life in God. But if they rebelled, sought to live independently from God, they would find curse and death because they were made for God.

Unsurprisingly, what is the foremost command given to man in the Bible?

Love. Love the Lord your God with all your heart.

This is God’s due, and this is his design for us. As the fountain of life, God is able to satisfy those who love him with living water. But for those who stray to other fountains, what will they find?

Jeremiah 2:13. Broken cisterns that can hold no water.

We were made for worship, and we were made to worship God so we may find satisfaction in life.

The Bible often talks about setting our mind on the things of heaven versus the things of earth. What does it mean to set your mind on something?

Yeah, focus on it. What else can we say?

Dwell on it. Talking about this, we fix our eyes on Jesus. We consider him. And there’s a lot to that.

Yeah, yeah. So you said a lot there. Can’t recapitulate it, but to go back to what you first said, meditate on something, pursue something, even seek a deeper and deeper knowledge and relationship with Jesus Christ.

Tony, were you going to say something?

Yeah, meditate certainly. Thinking and focus, that’s part of it. But it, setting your mind also has the idea of pursuit. You value and pursue something as a goal.

We are creatures that cannot endure purposelessness. We must set our minds on something. We must have something to which we are pushing towards. And not just anything. We want it to be something great. We seek treasure.

We were made for worship. And if we rightly regard God as he is in our hearts and worship him well, what practically will that lead to in our lives?

Yeah, Tony?

Yeah, blessings for sure. What else?

Yeah, being more Christlike, obedience, conformity to Christ. If you set your heart on Christ, if you’re pursuing Christ, it’s going to show up in your behavior and how you live, live. And also the blessings that you receive.

But if we regard something else as more worthy of worship than God, or equal in terms of value and worship to God, what will that lead to in our lives?

The opposite, right? It’s going to lead to sin and the consequences of sin.

Sin Is a Symptom of Wrong Heart Worship

This is the second point: sin is a symptom of wrong heart worship. Sin is a symptom of wrong heart worship.

There’s an abundantly clear connection in the Bible between having wrong worship in the heart and acting out in sinful ways in the world.

Let me show you a particularly illuminating passage. Please take your Bibles and turn to James chapter 4. James 4. This is page 1209 if you’re using the pew Bible.

James 4:1-4 says this to believers: “What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have, so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend it on your pleasures. You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

And notice in verse one: James accurately identifies the source of conflicts. Yes, conflicts between Christians. And what is the source according to verse one?

Their pleasures. What they love, what they enjoy. Because of lust—according to verse two, that is strong desire—they commit murder, or the equivalent of murder in unrighteous anger and angry action. Because of envy and coveting, he says they fight and quarrel.

They want something. They value something. They want it. And it’s leading to the sinful quarrels.

Now, what’s the Old Testament equivalent of a lust or a covetous desire? Often it’s framed simply in terms of idolatry. You have an idol that you are serving and pursuing. And actually, James uses that same kind of language.

James tells the Christians bluntly that what they’re doing with their angry quarrels with one another over these lusts at the beginning of verse four is really what? Against well, enmity against God. He says the end there. You align yourself with the world against God.

But I think Donna, you said it. What you’re really doing is spiritual adultery.

I mean, what a statement. He’s talking to Christians, and he says, “You adulteresses.” How can you say that, James?

What James is really getting at: he says, “Brethren, your problem is not merely a temper, a lack of communication skills. It’s spiritual adultery of heart in which you have begun to worship earthly pleasures and earthly treasures alongside or even above God.”

And this is not just adultery, as Jonathan was getting at, but this is treason. This is treasonous betrayal. You are enlisting yourself with the people of the world against God. They serve idols. You are joining them against your God.

James tells us strikingly that anger and quarreling was just the symptom of a deeper problem: hearts that believed they needed something in this world, one of the passing treasures of this world, more than God. They needed something in this world to be happy or secure. And this is an illustration of really what’s true of all of our sin.

“All of our sin comes from the same ultimate source: idolatrous desires in the heart that have become more important than desire for God.”

All of our sin comes from the same ultimate source: idolatry, love, treasures, strong desires in the heart that have become equal to or more important than the desire for God.

Listen how James describes the process of yielding to sin earlier in his book. James 1:14-15. You can just listen.

James 1:14-15: “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin. And when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.”

So did you hear that progression? When there’s inward lust, or there’s a strong desire, or idolatry of heart that carries a person away, when a sin—when a, yeah, idolatrous desire, a lust—finds a ready place to conceive inwardly, the result is sin outwardly. It gives birth to sin. And sin eventually leads to death.

From the Heart Come Evil Words and Deeds

And this truth applies to our words as well. Have you ever found yourself saying certain evil words and then wondering to yourself, “Where did that come from?” You may even tell the person, “I didn’t mean to say that.”

Well, what does the Bible say?

Jesus says in Matthew 12:33-35. Matthew 12:33-35: “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad. For the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good. The evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil.”

Hear what Jesus is saying: “You’re speaking evil words. It’s because you’ve got an evil heart. You got a heart that’s no longer following after God but following after something else instead, some fleshly idol or desire. Because the heart, or the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart, your words are a symptom.”

Matthew 12:34-35: “The mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good.”

Yet it’s not just words. Mark 7:21-23. Mark 7:21-23.

Jesus says: “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these things proceed from within and defile the man.”

Now, in the context of that statement from Jesus, he’s clarifying that external things like food can’t defile a person. Defilement actually comes from within and spreads outwards. All kinds of sin come from the heart, a heart that is opposed to God and is worshiping some other false god.

Even things like fornication, theft, slander, deeds of wickedness—the sins are just the fruit of a tree with the roots that are going down into the heart.

So here’s a picture to think about: when you’re looking at behavior, you can’t just look at behavior. When you’re looking at words, you can’t just look at words. You have to ask: what’s at the root? Where does this come from? It doesn’t come from nowhere. Bible says this comes from the heart.

So what false thoughts are there in the heart? What idolatrous desires are there in the heart? What proud demands are there in the heart? Because unless those are dealt with, you’re not going to see the change that God desires.

Diagnosing Idolatry in the Heart

Considering the following list of descriptions of a heart caught up in wrong idolatrous worship:

Wanting or desiring something that God does not want or desire. You want something sinful.

Wanting something that God also wants or desires or permits as a good thing, but wanting it so much that you become ungodly to get it or ungodly if you don’t get it, even letting it consume your thoughts all day long. A good thing can become an evil thing when it becomes a main thing.

Being controlled by your own expectations, becoming ungodly in thought, word, or deed when those expectations are not realized.

Perceiving a deserved right and following through with unholy thoughts, words, and actions to try to get that right when it is denied to you.

Believing in some standard or rule that is not of God and actually leads to ungodly practices like OCD and perfectionism, and becoming upset when you don’t meet your self-made standard.

Having a mindset that is against the truth of God’s word, such as self-confidence, which leads to ungodliness in thoughts, words, and actions. Various forms of this, but in many ways, it’s all just the same thing.

Basically, you just have to fill in the following to discover what is the root cause of sin symptoms: “I must have” or “I must not have,” blank, that equals what you worship. That equals your ruling desires, your functional gods, your controlling and your cravings, your idolatrous desires.

“Fill in the following to discover the root cause: ‘I must have ___’ — that equals what you worship.”

So note this: when you’re looking to counsel someone who’s caught up in sin, some kind of spiritual struggle, you must find out what’s going on in the heart. What is their idol or lustful motivation that is fueling their attitude, speech, and behaviors?

Do they have wrong thoughts about God? Do they love something else more than God? They feel like there’s something they need, without which they cannot be happy or secure?

Because when you are not worshiping the true God with all your heart, a thousand other things can fill the void that is left.

From the toddler who says in his heart, “I need that other boy’s toy to be happy,” and he tries to steal it and he fights over it and he throws a tantrum when he doesn’t get it, to the mother who says in her heart, “I must not have any of my children get sick from COVID,” and then she worries constantly and gets angry at others for not taking more precautions when it comes to sickness.

From the father who says in his heart, “I deserved a little me time after a long day of work,” and then he resents his wife’s requests for help and he snaps at her when she complains, to the single woman who says in her heart, “I thought I would surely be married by now,” and then despairs and starts dating an unbeliever, even though that she knows that she shouldn’t.

John Calvin famously said: “The human heart is a factory of idols.”

Where there is the fruit of habitual sin, look for an idolatrous heart. Look for idols at the root.

Restored Heart Worship Leads to Righteous Living

But as I said in the beginning, the goal is not merely to expose idolatrous desires, expose wrong thinking, wrong thoughts about God, wrong beliefs, wrong, wrong affections. But to transform.

That’s the third key concept here: restored heart worship leads to righteous living. Restored heart worship leads to righteous living.

In one sense, biblical counseling is just bringing the gospel to bear again on a person’s life. Because when you uncover sin and the idolatrous heart that is motivating it, you can then minister the truth of the gospel, the promises of the gospel. You can compassionately share about a savior who is better than any empty idol, who calls you to give it up.

“You can compassionately share about a Savior who is better than any empty idol.”

You can clarify how a believer can trust God in a situation that doesn’t seem to make any sense. You can call your brethren to repentance with the promise that a banquet of joy awaits them in Christ.

Ultimately, our goal is to see every believer renewed in the inner man to think, believe, and desire rightly as they worship Christ and not an idol, so that their outer man then manifests the same righteousness and behavior.

Putting Off and Putting On

Romans 12:2 says: “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”

If we’re not to be conformed to the ungodly pattern of the world, we must start with a renewed mind in God’s truth. That’s what biblical counseling is seeking.

Ephesians 4:22 to 24 says further: “Then in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self which is being corrupted in accordance with the lust of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.”

So do you see here the process? Actually, right here in Ephesians, the process that I mentioned in the beginning of answering this question. There must be a putting off and a putting on in the inner man, which will lead to a putting off and a putting on in the outer man.

When the heart is restored away from deceitful lusts and is instead renewed according to God’s true promises and revitalizing spirit, then a believer is able to put off the old sinful manner of life and instead walk in the new self created by God in the holiness of the truth.

“When the heart is renewed according to God’s true promises, a believer is able to put off the old life and walk in the new.”

This really is how any true growth in sanctification takes place: a renewed heart leading to renewed action.

This is what God does for us when he grants us repentance. Remember, repentance is a change of heart that leads to a change of action. This is what we’re responsible to do in our own lives as disciples of Christ. And this is what we have the duty and privilege to help one another do as brethren in God’s church by biblical counseling.

What Method Should You Use?

So we’ve reviewed today what biblical counseling is and how a person is meant to change in biblical counseling. The final question that we will briefly consider today is: What method should you use in biblical counseling?

If we’re ultimately after putting off and putting on in the heart, leading on, leading to putting off and putting on and behavior, how do you actually go about doing that practically?

Well, when it comes to how to counsel, ACBC—the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors—that’s the organization I’m part of. They promote and instruct in biblical counseling. They offer an eight-step method for biblical counseling.

This method is not based on chapter and verse in the Bible, but it is based on the principles of the Bible. It’s most specifically for formal counseling, but it has application to informal counseling and simple discipleship as well.

“This method is based on the principles of the Bible, most specifically for formal counseling, but applicable to informal counseling too.”

Now, originally in our first course, I took two lessons to go through these eight steps. Today, I’m just going to reintroduce them to you.

If you’ve signed up for the course, I will send you the slides after the class. And the slides have more information. There’s like information on slides I’m not going to get to. You can look at those afterwards.

If you haven’t signed up, just let me know at the end of class. I just want to reintroduce these things to you today and just give you a one or two line description.

How do you counsel well?

Steps 1–4: Begin, Build, Gather, Interpret

Number one: you got to begin counseling. You need to make sure that you are spiritually and logistically prepared. You actually have the time to counsel that person, and you’re not a hypocrite in doing so. And then you offer a first exploratory session. You say, “I want to get to know what’s the problem? What’s going on?” And lay down the expectations. “Well, here’s what I can do for you using the Bible.”

Step two is gain involvement. What does that mean? This means you need to build a relationship with your counsel so they actually trust you and know that you care.

You’ve heard the phrase: “People don’t care how much until they know how much you care.” That’s going to be true of you when you’re trying to minister the Bible to somebody. From all your interactions in the counseling sessions to outside the counseling sessions, you want to build a relationship with your counsel so that you are better able to help him.

As you seek to gain involvement, you should also be doing step three, which is gather data. Before you give any counsel, you need to find out as much as you can about your counseling and the problem or the situation that he faces.

Especially in marriage counseling, this is important because there’s always two sides to the story.

Proverbs says: “He who gives an answer before he hears it is folly and shame to him. And the first to plead his case seems right until another comes and examines him.”

Proverbs 18:13: “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him.”

For you, assume what’s going on and what a person exactly needs to hear. And do you need to find out? You need to gather data.

You can do this via forms like a PDI—personal data inventory—that’s something that I often use. Just gives you background information on a person and a situation. But the main way you’re going to do this is by asking questions, asking questions, and observing a person, observing their interactions.

You want to gather data. And then step four, you want to interpret that data.

Just like with the Bible, when you come to a conclusion too fast, often your conclusion is a little bit off. You need to take time. If you’re going to truly minister the word to somebody, to think through the data you’ve gathered and come up with a biblical interpretation that makes the most sense of their situation.

As to what’s really going on, what’s going on in the heart, and what that person needs to do and can do with you to change. What practical steps you’re going to take together.

Now, that takes time. And as you present that hypothesis to your counsel, you might need to adjust it later. But that’s okay. You get more and more information. You come to a clearer interpretation. And then you set it direction for your counseling.

Steps 5–8: Instruct, Assign, Hope, and End

Number five is provide instruction. That’s the counseling part. You basically are going to teach the Bible to somebody. You’re going to do a personal Bible study with that person and help apply it to them. You can do that in a variety of ways, but you need to understand the scriptures and need to understand how it applies that person’s situation and show that to them. Do that together with them.

But part of that instruction is going to have to include number six: homework. You got to give homework. Your counseling needs to put the truth of the Bible into practice. And they need reinforcement of whatever you share to them when you meet together. That happens through homework.

There are many benefits to giving homework. But you want to give good homework: homework that is specific, that is doable, that involves knowing and acting, that is appropriate to the counselor struggles, and homework that you actually review. Don’t just assign homework and then never come back to it. Don’t assign too much, but be accountable for what you assign.

Many different types of homework you can do.

The next step, number seven, is one that you need to do throughout your counseling, especially in the beginning, and that’s give hope. People who you notice need counseling, who come to you for counseling, they are low on hope. They are not sure that they, their situation can change, or that they can change, or that God really cares.

And so you need to be an example of hope. And then you need to show them hope from the scriptures. Don’t give them false hope. Don’t tell them things, promise things that the Bible doesn’t promise. But show them what true hope is in the gospel and in Jesus Christ.

Say, “Even if your situation doesn’t change, look, you can change by the power and promises of Christ. And you can walk in joyful obedience.”

“Even if your situation doesn’t change, you can change by the power and promises of Christ and walk in joyful obedience.”

Then finally, number eight: eventually, you will end counseling. Counseling is not therapy. This isn’t like, “Okay, I’ll see you for years and years and years while you go through this issue.” No. You are, you ultimately are after change.

So you should tell your counseling from the beginning: “Look, we’re going to do some things, and we’re going to assess our progress after a period of time.” And that’s useful because you might discover after six or so sessions of meeting with whomever it is you’re meeting with that they don’t really want to change. They’re not doing the homework. They keep on not showing up to sessions.

You got to confront your counsel about that. Say, “Look, you say you want to change. You say you want to follow Christ. But you’re not showing it.”

And it may eventually be that you might need to go to the next step of church discipline because, let’s face it, biblical counseling is really the first step. We can’t just be like, “Well, you don’t want to change, so right, just see around in church.” No. We care about people too much for that.

But you may find that after a certain period they are changing. Great. Continue your counseling and gradually taper it off. Make sure that they’re continuing to walk with Christ, not perfectly, but they’re in the right direction. And you can taper off your counseling until you have a final session where you just look back on what God has done.

If it’s somewhere in the middle, after your time of assessment, well, then meet a little bit more and assess again. But eventually, you want to end counseling.

All right, like I said, there’s more about that in the slides. That’s just an overview.

God Uses Weak Vessels

Now, perhaps you hear all of what I’ve shared today, and you are convinced more than ever that you cannot do it. Well, that’s correct if you’re relying on your own strength and if you’re not willing to believe the promises of God.

This is just like evangelism, right? It is beyond us. But with God, we can do valiantly, and we can get better as we practice this.

Look, even a trained counselor is not going to do it perfectly. They’re going to still improve. I still need to improve as a counselor. Some of you who are here today have been part of my counseling, and maybe as you go through this course, you be like, “Dave could have done that better.” What I admit that. I’m trying to improve as a counselor.

But what I want to be faithful, and I want you to be faithful to what God has called you. You can do this with the word of God, with the spirit of God, and even with this specific training that we are going through.

God must accomplish the change. He must put forth his power. But he’s going to use you. Yes, even you.

“God loves to use weak vessels to put forward his strength and make his glory clear.”

You say, “How could God ever use me?” God loves to use weak vessels to put forward his strength and put for and to make his glory so clear.

So be open to that. Continue to come with me in this course. We’ll learn more about specifically how we can apply what we’ve talked about today in the context of marriage and parenting.

Homework and Next Session

There is homework. There is homework for today’s class. I told you that there would be.

If you’re signed up, I’m going to send you this electronically. But what I would like you to do between now and the next session is to read an article. It is just a five-page article called “Getting to the Heart of the Matter and Marriage Counseling” by Leslie Verick. She’s the counselor. I think she’s part with CCEF.

I want you to read the article and then write down five observations: just things you notice, things that stick out to you as you read, five observations or questions that you can share when we come back for the next session.

“Write down five observations or questions from the article to share when we come back for the next session.”

If you really aren’t good with computers and you absolutely have to have a paper copy, I do have a few. But otherwise, I’d like to email that to you so that you can download the electronic copy or read it and maybe even print it out if that’s good for you.

But I want you to do that for next time. That will be helpful and important in our next class.

The topic will be: “Why is the family so important, even as it is being attacked from many sides today?”

Closing Prayer

That’s it for today’s class. Let me close in prayer.

Lord, thank you for your word that does enable us, yes, even us weak, foolish people in need of change, to change and help others to change. Thank you for this glorious ministry. Help us not to be intimidated by it, but to have faith, to trust you, and to be courageous for your name’s sake. Pray that you bless the rest of this service today. Amen.

And thank you, guys. I know I didn’t leave time for questions today, but you see me first day. Please let me know your question.

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