In this lesson, Pastor Dave Capoccia explains the importance of the family as an institution established by God. Pastor Dave specifically looks to investigate and answer two main questions:
1. Why is marriage and family counseling important?
2. What is the family?
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well good morning uh welcome back to our new Sunday school series I’m glad to have you here right at the start of the class allow me to open in a word of prayer Heavenly Father we are so glad that we can call you father to be part of your family what a joy Lord we want to learn more about the family today and your designed for it in your Universe I pray God that you’d help me to be able to explain this well and I pray that it would be something that is both uplifting to the soul but o sanctifying and showing us God our need to pay attention to and prioritize Ministry to marriages and families in Jesus name amen okay so lesson two in our new series on biblical counseling for marriage and Parenthood now today we are talking about the importance of the family before I get to that topic though as I told you I would let’s go over the homework last time I assed you to read an article by Leslie verick entitled getting to the heart of marriage problems just a five-page article you were to read that and write down five observations or questions so let’s take a little bit of time tell me some things that you observed or questions that you had from reading this article yeah Tony that’s right so Tony mentioning that pleasing God has to be the motivation for loving your spouse or really doing anything uh in the Christian Life it has to be motivated out of love for Christ if it’s motivated by what you receive from another person you’re not going to be able to continue that righteousness because they’re going to fail and uh but you can be happy in pleasing the Lord even when your spouse is sinning against you or not providing something that biblically they should Prov provide so yes that is definitely an important point what else Mark Lisa Don and Lisa [Music] right right yeah so Mark bringing out important uh aspect of the article were you surprised were you surprised reading through it as to what was the heart Idol what was the intense desire in Dawn that was motivating not only anger towards his wife but slapping her what was the hard Idol H yeah okay okay so Stephanie is bringing up another important point you can see both in the explanation about da and the explanation about Lisa how the past even childhood had an influence a strong influence on their current behavior and some of the desires that were gripping the hearts of these two people now I’ve said in a previous counseling class and I’ll probably say other times in this course the past is impactful influential but it’s not determined ative you cannot say oh because I was raised a certain way that’s why I act the way I do no you’re you’re making choices and it does come down to are you going to love the Lord or you going to love an idol but you can see how especially as a counselor when you’re trying to understand a person and you see the past you can say oh I can see the connection between what you’ve experienced in the past and what you’re clinging to now in your heart now Stephanie began to talk about a little bit what was it that Dawn was clinging to that when his wife denied him he felt justified in his anger he wanted he wanted a deep relationship and specifically he wanted to be understood when he felt like his wife didn’t understand him and didn’t want to understand him it made him Furious and even though he knew that getting angry at his wife was wrong even though that he knew that hitting her was wrong he felt he had no control in stopping those things so you could tell him all day long you shouldn’t do that and he will be and even as as the article writer mentions he’s crying as he thinks about what he did I can’t believe I did that that’s so wrong but he will not change until that heart Idol is identified and removed which is what the counselor helped him do and Mark to go back to your comment it isn’t that Lisa didn’t have things that she needed to change she did need to actually want to understand her husband and seek to understand him better and one of the reasons that she wasn’t doing that according to the author is because she had her own heart Idol a heart Idol of achievement and accomplishment that’s where she found joy felt that she had a need that had to be fulfilled and so pursuing that left no time to really pursue a deep relationship with her husband and she preferred not to have those kind of heavy conversations because she wanted to enjoy the good life so she had things that she had to deal with but the counselor doesn’t say oh you need to be understood and you can and this is another point of the article I hope you noticed there were many different ways she could have gone in this counseling session and all of them would have been right but what would have been the most important thing to talk about oh yes this is a wrong thing that your wife is doing let me talk about her no before we talk about her let’s talk about you and talk about that thing that you’re clinging to in your heart that has to be removed regardless of what your wife is doing because she can not understand you or not seek to understand you and you can still be content in your heart you can still to go back to your comment Tony you can still be motivated out of love for Christ to love and serve her it actually isn’t dependent on whether she seeks to understand you or not you have to get rid of that idolatrous heart desire come back to the worship of Christ and then it doesn’t in a sense matter what your spouse does or does not do yeah Mark something else before they can make peace one right that’s a that’s a good phrase Mark they needed to learn to make peace with God before they can make peace with one another and how true that is even from um James chapter 4 which we talked about in the first lesson as uh one of the passages of the scriptures that talks about where do our corals come from they come from The Desires in our heart but how does James describe it you’re not really you’re not simply at war with one another you’re at war with God you’ve made yourself enemies of God by enlisting with the world and their idolatrous Rebellion against him you adulteresses he says and we’re not just talking about Don and Lisa we’re talking about ourselves we go through the same kind of things this is why I said to you in that first session and the article is just reinforcing it until we get to the Heart level until we deal with those idolatrous desires those wrong thoughts about God we’re not going to see lasting change we’re say why do I keep on getting angry why do I keep getting anxious why am I always depressed you haven’t dealt with the heart issues but when you deal with the heart issues then you can deal with those other things and it’s not that the counselor never had time to talk about good communication or forgiveness or things like that but those things are not going to fall into place until the Heart Is Right with unless to go back to Mark’s comment there until there is peace with God until the heart is back into the pursuit of Christ yes Stephanie yeah yes yeah that’s a good observation Stephanie so going back to even David’s Psalm of confession where he says against you only have I sinned oh Lord and you look at that be like wait B Sheba you sin against her and Uriah and the whole Kingdom of Israel you certainly sinned against them how can you say the Lord only well as Stephanie says it was first and primarily against God and until there is repentance and restoration there the other things AR aren’t really going to work they’re not going to matter so it’s not that he’s disavowing sining against anybody else he’s just talking about how how primary it is that the sin is against God so I hope you see just this is just an exhibit of what we’re going to be talking about this entire course how you going to help people you got to get to the heart and how do you help people in the heart you’ve got to reveal the idols the wrong beliefs the wrong desires the desires that that are for right things but have gotten too too far beyond their bounds show that to people and then show them that they can they must and they can and they should and they have every reason to to put that aside and embrace Christ instead Embrace Christ in his way and find satisfaction there I hope that was a helpful article to you I’m glad that you did that if you did that if you didn’t get to read it well I recommend that you do so yeah go back and listen to or read it I have a few paper copies still of that uh because I think that’ll be very edifying to you let me talk to you about tonight’s homework so there’s going to be homework for every class except the last one maybe even the last one too this time I’m going to give you a little writing assignment and some of you who’ve been with me in counseling before have seen this before but this flows right from the assignment that you just did building on the ideas we talked about last session in the last and in the last homework assignment I want you to do a short writing activity that comes from the book uprooting anger by Robert Jones uh this is from his appendix section Robert Jones is Pastor biblical counselor and his book on anger is considered a classic for counselors It’s a two-page activity in which you’re asked to check off from a list everything that you regard as a personal need right or intense desire now this can be either currently or this can be what has frequently been true of you in your heart in the past you’re going to see a list of things things like um I want to be understood I want to be respected I should be allowed to determine my own schedule you’re going to go through this list and just check off everything that you regard or have regarded frequently as a personal need right or intense desire then you are asked to Circle which of those is a currently unmet need or desire I want this I regard this as a right but I’m not getting it right now and then finally you ask to take the two most urgent unmet desires and answer a few questions about it explaining who’s denying it to you how are they denying it to you and how do you tend to respond to that person because of that so for homework I want you to do this exer size I’m going to email it to you it’s just two pages shouldn’t take that long what’s the point it’s about you understanding your own heart it’s about getting to the heart of maybe sin idolatry problem in your own heart which is causing problems in your relationships getting to the heart of marriage problems getting to the heart of your relationship problems requires doing something like this you need to be honest with yourself before the Lord about how you are thinking and acting so that you can identify what has become a heart Idol for you you can put it off and put on again the satisfying worship of Christ now again it may be something that you’re currently in but recognizing a tendency toward that is going to help you immensely in your sanctification but you got to see you got to actually take some time to use the word uh put yourself before the Lord and examine your own heart okay that’s your homework for next time questions about that okay we’ll go over a little bit of um what you thought about that what you learned from that in the beginning of next class but now let’s get to our main topic for today the importance of the family looking to answer just two main questions in our class today first why is marriage and family counseling important and then second what is the family start with the first question why is marriage and family counseling important does the church really need to prioritize ministering to P spouses parents children or can the family do just fine on its own while Christians put their hard efforts elsewhere you can guess from the class title and the agenda I just showed you that Ministry to families is critically important today it must be a high priority for God’s Church even through biblical counseling and discipleship why is that allow me to give you a few reasons marriage and family counseling is important number one because many today are minimizing the importance of the family or have erroneous ideas about what the family is and about what role the family should play in our society in general and in the lives of people in particular now if you’ve lived a while in the world this is probably a self-evident claim but I will illustrate this in a few ways think about the confused or anti-biblical messages you hear about the family in our own country marriage is a social construct it’s something that man came up with for his own convenience so it can be freely redefined as circumstances or taste change marriage is a burden it’s a ball and chain that should be avoided if you can at all help it the single but sexually active life or simple cohabitation is much to be preferred why get married children are a burden why would anyone voluntarily choose to have children oh if you must put it off as long as possible so you can really enjoy life patriarchy leadership in the home by a man it is oppressive and outdated healthy family should be Democratic in leadership with both the husband the wife and even the children sharing Authority and making decisions together a healthy household is built on self-esteem if people feel bad bad they will act bad so stay away from correction and discipline and practice only positive reinforcement and praise you heard sayings like these ideas like these this is just a sample clearly many people have wrong or misguided thoughts about the family today and does that matter of course it does because number two wrong ideas about the family have serious and painful consequences this is not just academic this is not just theorizing no this manifests and how people live and the consequences that come from that way of living can’t we observe this also can’t we observe this in our own lives and in the lives of the people we love because people won’t follow the biblical pattern for the family because they don’t believe that they end up frequently having ongoing Strife between husband and wife or between parents and children people enjoy the prospect of freedom of getting a divorce from a dissatisfying spouse but have you actually been through a divorce have you ever observed a loved one going through a divorce it’s Agony and it never ends even when it ends it doesn’t really many times the pain and strife that comes from divorce it just keeps on going I have two relatives who I’ve seen go through that but the consequences of wrong ideas about the family they don’t just apply at the individual level they apply at the national level too perhaps you’ve heard this is something that’s popped up over the past decade many people have observed that statistically speaking children are much more likely to fail in school or commit crime if they grow up in a household with just one parent now yes correlation is not causation and if you’re a single parent you’re not by any means doing but there’s little doubt that trouble in the home is a powerful influence towards trouble in other areas of life these ideas have consequences or how about the demographic crisis that is increasingly gripping developing nations so many people delay having children or simply choose not to have children that for many countries in the world including the USA the population is actually decreasing there are few people being born that are dying Tech not true about the United States because we have so many IM immigrants coming to our country but China Japan countries in Europe the US the birth rate has declined so much we don’t even replace our own population an aging population without a Young Generation to replace it will have massive social economic and political consequences in the future and not in a good way wrong ideas about the family have serious and painful consequences I may look at all this and ask why if this is the case why are people so attracted to these wrong ideas why do they Implement these wrong ideas why do they become increasingly popular well the Bible gives the answer doesn’t it what is the answer it is our natural bent and Alignment because what are we yeah we’re looking towards sin that which flatters the proud heart and these wrong ideas even when they clearly manifest destructive consequences were still so attracted that sounds good that feels good that Strokes my ego that satisfies my sinful heart and we have somebody right there to encourage Us in that self-destructive Pursuit the Bible also makes clear is the devil and it is his forces the wicked hearted man naturally chases flattering but self-destructive poison of sin and the evil one his forces create a world system that exalts evil and destroys man and this is the third reason why marriage and family counseling is so important because destroying the family is one of Satan’s primary objectives now does that seem a little overstated to you I know sometimes you hear you hear people make statements like that and you’re like I they’re just trying to be alarmist and I’m telling you that that is not an overstatement the scriptures are clear that Satan and his minions are at war with God and are opposed to God in all that God stands for and desires we used to be on Satan’s side of the war we were unwittingly assisting him and his schemes against God now that we’ve been born from above we’ve been enlisted on the opposite side of the struggle as Ephesians 611 and 12 says our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers against the powers against the world forces of this Darkness against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the Heavenly places because God created man and put man in a special exalted position as God’s under rulers and image bearers on the earth Satan hates Mankind and he will do whatever he can to ruin man he did this in the garden and he’s doing it even now especially by attacking and ruining families but it’s more than a simple hatred of God and Mankind Satan specifically hates the family because God created the family and gave the family a special and irre irreplaceable place and God’s glorious plans for the Universe I don’t if you ever thought about how special the family is but if you pay attention to the scriptures the family is Central to God’s G glorious plans and allow me to illustrate this first think about this how does the bible begin in Genesis 1 and 2 it begins with the creation of the universe and specifically the creation of man woman and the first family and what is this first family unit told to do be fruitful and multiply and subdue the Earth rule it Rule and multiply this family was called to grow and make more families so that together they might rule the Earth on God’s behalf now how does the bible end in Revelation 21-22 it ends with the recreation of the world and the bringing together of another and new family we had a bride brought to the first man in the beginning of the Bible and we have a bride brought to the last man at the end of the Bible with the consummation of God’s people being given to Christ as a bride and what is it that this last family will do they will dwell with God and do what they will rule that’s what Revelation says they will rule they will reign with him forever so isn’t that interesting we have the same thing at the beginning and the ends of the Bible Bible begins and ends with a ruling family which side note I was thinking this past week what is the most important institution in God’s mind is it the family is it the church is it Israel is it the government I was narrowed it down to what I think is either the family or the government but I couldn’t decide between the two because you see ruling in the beginning you see ruling in the end you see family beginning you see family in the end but you know what I think it’s a choice between it’s not either or it’s both and when God created the family he created that family to rule and that’s what the last family will do too God combined in a sense family and government and it’s so Central to his plans for the universe therefore I don’t believe it’s a stretch to say as others have that the family is the basic building block of every other social unit or institution everything else grows out of the family the way we organize the world it really grows out of the family and is dependent on it this is obviously true of the Kingdom of Israel their societal structure was ultimately based on tribes which all came from Individual families and sometimes in the Old Testament you see you see like an individual family looked up because it’s like why did this happen Okay go to the tribe go to the clan go to the family go to the you know the individual household but the version of that is still true today even here in Democratic America our over overarch government other societal institutions they are still ultimately based on the individual governance of families and unsurprisingly distortions and deficiencies in the family away from God’s design what are they going to produce distortions and deficiencies in every other Human Institution all comes from the family appropriately to forall that kind of situation God begins his Revelation to mankind with extended teaching about the marriage and family that’s what we see in Genesis 2 it’s the foundation of marriage and family and then you go on later in the Torah and you get more specific instruction about the family and the law of Moses indeed in God’s wisdom God chose the family as a primary means of reflecting his own nature Genesis 1 says that God created male and female together even as a family unit to reflect the image of God to manifest who God is and this is pretty clear right in the family we see Unity Oneness and diversity which is exactly what we see in God husband and wife are one yet they are different the children are the same bone and flesh as their parents and yet they are different and a family when it’s functioning properly is all going the same direction even though it’s made up of individual parts so unity and diversity that’s not all we also see in families as we see in God Independence and interdependence equality and subordination creativity that is actually the the creating of new life and fellowship now I find very striking the fact and you heard this in my prayer especially in the New Testament God’s main titles for himself are family terms we have God the father and God the son now yes these terms tell us something about our relationship to God but even apart from that these first these terms first describe the nature of God within himself how God relates to God it’s in terms of a family all this to say there’s something about the institution of the family that makes it a perfect vehicle for expressing and reflecting the being of God of course the family is important to God and yes as I was beginning to say the family God also uses the family as a means of reflecting the nature of his relationship with his people he’s not God the father is not just the father to Jesus he’s the father to all his people two specific relationships that are highlighted again and again in the Bible there’s the marriage relationship used to describe our relationship with God and then there’s the parenting relationship both Israel and the church God uses the family relationship of husband and wife to describe the relationship ship with his people and sometimes that’s a positive thing and sometimes that’s a negative thing we see Ephesians 5: 22-33 talking about how a husband ought to relate to his wife and says just like Christ in the church this is how the relationship with Christ and the church really is and it’s a wonderful loving thing we know that Jesus nourishes us and cherishes us because that’s the way he designed marriage to be and he says that’s what we’re in with him but in its negative aspects well just go to books like Hosea and God says I was your husband but you proved adulterous to me and having lived in the world and seen what marriage is and seeing what adultery is now we realize in a much more significant way what a crime it is to be unfaithful to God it is so reprehensible it is the disgusting type of activity that adultery is God says that’s what you’ve done with me and with both Israel and the church God uses the family relationship of a father and child to describe his relationship with them and again this is in a positive way and a negative way depending on the circumstances of the scriptures in Isaiah 1: 1:4 God says I’m a father but I’ve got rebellious children they won’t listen to me they won’t give me honor what could I do for them I haven’t already done by the way side note that is proof that the way you’re children turn out does not necessarily tell you whether you’re a good parent or not because God’s the perfect parent and he had children that came out totally rebellious but there’s positive aspects too Romans 8:12 to17 talks about how we cry out ABA father because now we’re children of God we have such Comfort we have such Assurance because that’s the relationship we have with him of course that uh in the same vein in the same picture we have Jesus as our elder brother and really our family head along with the idea of the family being a central part of God’s self-revelation we also see from the scriptures that God designed the family to fulfill important functions in the lives of its individual members it’s not just a great picture it actually serves a great purpose in the world the family fulfills important functions in the lives of its individual members or at least it was designed to this means that if individual members of a family will follow God and his way the family becomes a strong influence towards blessing and human flourishing but if the indidual individual members of a family will not follow God in his way well because the god designed the family to be so important in the lives of people the family becomes a strong influence towards cursing and human suffering and we see both of these explained in the scriptures on the one hand we have for example Proverbs 20:7 which says a righteous man who walks in his Integrity how blessed are his sons after him Proverbs 20:7 but on the other hand we have Exodus 20:5 Exodus 20:5 which says you shall not worship idols or serve them for I Yahweh your God am a jealous God visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children on the third and fourth generations of those who hate me what are these two verses saying together well how a parent and how particularly a father lives before God will have a very significant impact on his children on the rest of his family for good or for evil or we can consider some other Proverbs Proverbs 12:4 says an excellent wife is the crown of her husband wow what a joy and a blessing but she who shames him is like rotness in his bones what a curse proverbs 10 verse one a wise son makes a father glad wow what a joy to add to your life when you have a wise son but a foolish son is a grief to his mother want to make your life sad you want to bring so much sorrow in your life have a foolish son you see because God made the Family Central to Life Family can be such a blessing or such a curse God designed the family to be a blessing and the more members of the family the better but sin has made it so that even one family member opposed to God can make the whole family’s experience miserable and I think many of you can attest to that maybe you were that family member or maybe it was someone else in your family maybe it is someone else in your family now I might think well my family is hopelessly messed up I don’t really want to deal with them anymore so I’m just going to cut them off tired of that well this thought is natural if you’ve endured prolong suffering from your family or from a family member however considering the family’s importance to God God has called his people to act righteously and Faithfully even with and to ungodly family members out of a desire to please Christ to say that in another way the Bible is clear you cannot say you love God and are part of his Heavenly family if you do not love and act and thereby act unrighteously with your Earthly family even when they sin against you 1 John 4 1 John 4:20 to 21 says if someone says I love God and hates his brother he is a liar for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen and this commandment we have from him that the one who loves God should love his brother also in that same context we hear from John that God is love so God’s people are going to be loving and if you find that you only love people who love you either with within your family or in other contexts John would say you don’t yet know God if you know God you will not only love your brothers and sisters in Christ despite their failures but you will also love your physical family despite their failures and hurts against you 1 Peter 2 and3 applies this concept specifically to the household and family exhorting encouraging members to follow Christ’s example by doing good to those who do you evil while you wait for the deliverance and Justice of God which will be revealed at the proper time and this is just doing what Christ did how you treat your family says a lot about your relationship with God if you love God you will love your family now that doesn’t mean that the way this all works out that you’re going to have a close relationship with everyone in your family especially if they if there are certain members who continue to sin against you but that means you’re always going to act righteously towards them you’re characteristically going to act righteously towards them and when you sin against them even when you sin against those who sinned against you in a greater way you repent and you seek to make it right because loving family is one of the way one of the most obvious ways that you show that you love God actually the family is so important to God that after God the Bible indicates after God and God’s kingdom concerns your family demands your top loyalty your family demands your top loyalty don’t say that you’re too busy serving God to serve your family to love your family no prioritizing your family and meeting your biblical obligations to your family is one of the most important ways that you serve God and yes indirectly one of the most important ways you serve the church you serve Christ’s Church 1 Timothy 5’8 says 1 Timothy 5’8 but if anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his household he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever and the context of that statement is a specific discussion of widows needing to be supported by their children before they are supported by the church that’s only right Paul says but you can see the underlying principle for that whole discussion if you are not faithful in your relationships to your spouse your children your siblings and your parents it doesn’t matter what what else you do for Christ you have missed one of your primary obligations as his disciple I remember hearing in seminary you can lose your ministry and keep your family but you cannot lose your family and keep your ministry your family is a primary obligation it demands your utmost loyalty short of Christ than his kingdom concerns consequently and this should kind of be obvious based on what I just said God’s the family is so important to God that our harmonious and orderly family life is one of the key qualifications for leaders in God’s Church see this 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 not only is this a matter of basic faithfulness as a Christian but it’s simple wisdom if a man cannot Faithfully lead his physical family how could he Faithfully lead his spiritual family as an elder in the church so scripture shows us in multiple ways that the family has a special and irreplaceable place in God’s glorious plans for the universe and this is why Satan and his dark spiritual Fortes hate the family and are committed committed to its corruption and destruction and if God so values the family and Satan so despises the family can you see why Ministry to the family even biblical counseling discipleship is so important because of how God values families because of the central place families have in human existence because of the many attacks on the family from angels and Men We need to prioritize Ministry to marriages and families in the church they cannot be left alone to just get by on their own no they need purposeful Ministry but what exactly is the family from everything I’ve said thus far I’ve been assuming that we all the same definition of family but do we better question ask according to the Bible what really is the F to which we are to prioritize Ministry this is the second question second main question we want to look at today what is the F from one angle this is a simple question to answer the Bible speaks about the family the Bible primarily refers to one’s nuclear family that un parents husband and wife and children who are siblings with one another and we can see this even from that fundamental family defining verse in Genesis 2:24 after the creation of man and woman in the first marriage we read this word of application from Moses by God’s spirit Genesis 2:24 for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh now we’re going to probably keep coming back to this verse in this course because of how foundational it is but notice just from that first hearing or reading how this mer how how marriage has the effect of both dividing and uniting when a person gets married there’s a kind of a break with his parents with the old nuclear family unit the husband leaves father and mother and the wife does too but then there’s a joining a cleaving husband and wife come together and form a new family unit symbolized in their sexual Union and in the results of that sexual Union children so you have the dividing off from an old family unit and the creation of a new family unit and these would be nuclear families so when we think of the family in the Bible we are talking first and foremost about the unit of parents and immediate children living in the household the so-called nuclear family notably when the Bible gives specific commands about family obligations the Bible speaks most of the time about the nuclear family and how the nuclear family should live together this is how a husband should act the Bible will say this is how a wife should act this is how parents should act this is how children should act now yes we do have commands to slaves and Masters at times and this is because in ancient days slaves would actually be considered in a way part of the family they were considered part of the household they lived within the same house so there is that but commands to families are usually apart from that kind of exceptional situation they are to the nuclear family so you don’t see and this is how grandparents should act and this is how cousins should act usually in the Bible focus on the nuclear family but it’s not as if the Bible’s unaware of the concept of the extended family by no means the Bible makes many references to one’s Brothers sons and fathers who are not literally one’s Brothers sons and fathers they’re just your extended family they are distant relatives let’s not forget that Jesus himself is called a son of David but he is not literally the son of David he’s just a descendant of David furthermore when nuclear families break apart to form new families those old relationships to parents and siblings still exist as a kind of extended family and there is some measure of obligations to these relationships as we see from 1 Timothy 5 your mother is widowed you live on your own now you can’t say I’m sorry I’m a new family unit I don’t have any obligations to you no he says if you don’t provide for your mother in this situation you’re worse than an unbeliever so there is some measure of obligation even to extended family but while the Bible never specifically defined what those obligations are there clearly is much less of an obligation to extended family than to your nuclear family to those in your own household you may not need to come to the aid of your third cousin’s brother step niece’s great aunt but you must honor your parents love your spouse and raise your children Faithfully so we see certainly the nuclear family and the extended family discussed in the Bible primary obligations are to your nuclear family but these are both families from physical relationships or in some cases adoption relationships the Bible speaks of another kind of family what would that be mention the church Body of Christ to generalize that just a little bit spiritual family because the reason reason I generalize that is because there’s two spiritual families according to the scriptures it’s the family of God yes there’s also the family of the devil often don’t think about that one Bible doesn’t draw a ton of attention to it but Jesus does mention it and other places do 1 John 3:10 says this 1 John 3:10 by this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God nor the one who does not love his brother for honest with ourselves according to the scriptures we have to admit we used to be part of the devil’s family he was our father we followed him as our head and we learned from him did what he did that’s what Jesus says about the Jews when they reject him he says you don’t know my father you do what your father does your father’s a devil we were in that same boat but that was not a good family to be part of Devil’s a cruel father and the Judgment awaiting him is the Judgment that awaits his children but by God’s grace we in Christ have become part of a much better family if you read the New Testament letters at all you will notice the language of family abounding in describing the relationships of those in Christ to God and to one another brother sister father son daughter and this is not from your Pious emotional sentiment this is describing genuine spiritual reality we made an illusion to this earlier in this lesson but if you were in Christ by repentance and Faith you are not only regenerated by the very life and Seed of God rewriting your spiritual DNA as it were according to 1 John 3:9 so you become his children but you’re also adopted by the father as children and fellow Hees with Christ Ephesians 1: 15 you have the language of regeneration and adoption describing our relationship to the father but spiritually speaking you really are God’s child and you really are brother and sister to those who are also God’s children in the church as many of you answered me before we are family We Are Family family and what a comfort that is when the reality of your physical family is depressing Jesus tells his disciples in Mark 10:29 to30 Mark 10:29 to30 truly I say to you there’s no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms for my sake and for the gospel’s sake but that he will receive aund times as much now in the present age houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and Farms along with persecutions and in the age to come eternal life now obviously in light of other scriptures in these verses Mark 1029 to3 Jesus is not commanding or excusing that his followers forsake their physical family especially if they’re unbelievers but Jesus is comforting his disciples in that whatever family relationships are restrained or lost because you seek to follow Christ Faithfully don’t worry you gain 100 times more when according to these verses eternal life in the life to come and there certainly will be family in the life to come but he says now in the present age how is that possible well it’s through the church when you become a follower of Christ a true follower you become part of a new family a much bigger family and one would hope a much more loving family much more purposefully kind God seeking family and it’s not the as if this family only is concerned with spiritual abstract things because notice what Jesus also promises you lose houses and Farms you’ll gain more houses than Farms what does that ever strike you as odd I’m gonna get more Farms I’m gonna get more houses what’s that all about well just like a physical family your spiritual family has obligations to one another even to commit to one another in love and even help help out with physical needs if you had a physical family and you were in some financial trouble it would be expected that your family members would help you out many those same obligations and that desire to help is and should be true in the church you lose your livelihood for following Christ your physical family won’t support you support you guess who will your spiritual family this is what we’re see in the scriptures book of Acts right people lost their livelihoods and what were other people in the church doing selling their lands so that they could support those people till they could get more livelihoods you see that in Thessalonians 2 says don’t go weary of doing good supporting those who can’t support themselves in your family in the church if a man doesn’t work he doesn’t eat we’re not going to excuse that kind of behavior but family supports one another you know James James says what good is it brother somebody says to someone in need be warn be filled but he doesn’t do anything about it that’s not going to work in God’s family indeed many of the same obligations to the physical family now exist for us in the family of God and even more so because we are committed together and following Christ side note what about when biblical obligations to physical family seem to bump into biblical obligations to spiritual family who wins out well obviously Christ always gets priority in everything but practically speaking when it comes to your obligations you are commanded to take care of your physical family as top priority even before you seek to take care of your spiritual family as we’ve already seen from 1 Timothy 5’8 now you can’t use that as an excuse to neglect your spiritual family I’ve definitely heard that before for oh I can’t do this can’t do that with the church because I got to take care of my family and really the person is just watching TV or something but you actually serve Christ in his church well when you fulfill your obligations to your physical family first again it doesn’t mean you do everything that your physical family wants but in terms of what they are obligated what is their right according to the scriptures you fulfill that you make sure that you fulfill that as your top priority and because that’s what Christ has called you to do now there’s a way that those things kind of fit together in some nuanced ways which you can’t get into right now but you have obligations to your spiritual family you have obligations to your physical family too now does the Bible say more about what family is got gone through nuclear family extended family spiritual family the Bible does say more we’re running short on time but I do want to tell you a little bit more basically just going to list some things and mention some scripture references because up to this point in the second question we’ve just been mainly talking about the basic basic practical level as to what family is but the Bible also speaks about the family on a more abstract level and you’ll see what I’m about to talk about having application both in your physical family your homes but also in your spiritual family should be applying in both places five more facts about the family according to the Bible number one the family is God’s antidote to loneliness and the place a place where the deepest kind of friendships are forged and experienced remember the observation that God made that resulted in the first family Genesis 2:18 it is not good that man should be alone I will make her a help I will make him a helper suitable to him we seek companions we desire companionship in this life and God says I’m going to provide it primarily through the family both your physical phal and spiritual family are to be sources of refreshing companionship that’s God’s design number two the husband wife relationship is the most important family relationship and consequently it is the relationship that is to take precedence over every other human relationship not before Christ but every other human relationship God designed the marriage relationship to be the most intimate relationship and thus the family relationship with the highest obligation Genesis 2:24 so others have said the best way to love your children or even love others in the church is to love your spouse first and there’s of course a pointed parallel in considering our spiritual marriage to Jesus Christ number three the family is to be a place where all members are shown honor and shown respect we are used to hearing that children should show honor to their parents Deuteronomy 5:116 and that wives should show honor to their husbands Ephesians 533 and this is due to the god position god-given positions of authority that God has given to parents and to husbands that is true however the Bible also says the husbands should honor their wives 1 Peter 3:7 and that fathers must be careful not to provoke or exasperate their children Colossians 3:21 and Ephesians 6:4 but keep their children under control with all dignity 1 Timothy 3:4 if Christians if we as Christians are called to honor all people because they are made in the image of God 1 Peter 21:17 and James 3 9 and 10 then that must start in the family family is to be a place where all members are honored not because they deserve it but because God calls for it number four the family is a classroom in which the most important lessons of Life are taught and learned in families parent pass the Baton as it were to the Next Generation and a kind of Life on Life Training and discipleship that is far more impactful far Superior to attending a school or a college Deuteronomy 66-25 talks about the obligation of parents to train their children especially in the Lord Ephesians 6:4 also and the whole Book of Proverbs parents cannot Outsource this obligation but must embrace it for the Lord’s sake and remember that if you’re too busy to model or teach you are actually modeling and teaching but not the right kind of lessons and finally number five the family is to be a place of safety a refuge in the times of storm the Bible is clear that life is full of all kinds of troubles even for Christians Psalm 90:10 John 16:33 but God designed families to be a source of comfort security and refreshment amid those troubles Proverbs 5:15 to20 speaking about the marriage relationship Ephesians 5:29 and also Ecclesiastes 49 12 you remember those verses talks about when one falls down if he has a companion that companion can raise him up or how can one keep warm alone there’s such benefit in companionship and God’s primary place of finding companions is the family family helps amid the Troubles of life now this does not replace Jesus Christ it’s not Superior to Christ your ultimate Comfort must be from Christ especially when your family is not able to comfort you Philippians 4:13 nevertheless we are meant to find encouragement consolation and help both in our physical families and in our spiritual families amid the hard developments of Our Lives I may look at these five facts and thinks and think wow that’s not what like that’s not like what my family is like at all it’s not what it was like growing up it’s not what what it’s like for me now and if that’s the case I I hear you sorry because we live in a world broken by sin because man is enslaved to Idols we’re not surprised that physical families many even most physical families will fall short of what God designed family to be even Church families frequently fall short of God’s desire but what are we going to do about it how should you respond when your marriage or your family isn’t what it’s supposed to be how does God take families and make them more like his original true and good design well that’s where the ministry of the church and particularly a Biblical counseling comes in this is all just kind of a setup for the next lesson I want you to see how important the family is to God and what a central place it plays in your life so you will see yes this is where we need to focus in Ministry how do we do it that’s what we’re going to talk about next time practically how do we in the church use the Bible to minister to our own families and to others families that’s it for today don’t forget your homework fill out the inventory or person felt needs and rights and be ready to talk about it be ready to talk about what you learn next time got about two minutes for questions questions about what you heard today yeah Mark not father right right and I know yeah good question so Mark brings up another passage of scripture that he who loves father mother son or daughter family relationship more than more than Jesus is not worthy of following Jesus Jesus says so how do you navigate that as a Christian so we’ve got things intention I I don’t think I can speak about the specifics right now so unfortunately I’m probably not going to be able to answer your question super well but we do have these two things in ttention where God says your physical family is top priority outside of Christ and his kingdom concerns and yet following Christ is going to mean not doing what your family wants or even losing a family relationship I guess the only thought that comes to my mind right now is in the commanded modes of ministry that the Bible says to your family you make sure that you fulfill those as far as you are able to your physical family before you seek to minister to the ways that God commands you to speak or to minister to your spiritual family now a lot of times those things are not going to necessarily be in Conflict where you can do one and the other at the same time probably the most practical example maybe it sounds a little bit silly to you but if you have an opportunity to serve someone in the church by preparing food for them that’s good but have you prepared food for your individual family first uh I remember reading I think a Blog Christian mother talking about how she was struck how she would make such kind elaborate compassionate meals for other people in the church but she gave her family the leftovers which that can kind of make sense we can fall into that kind of mode but we want to make sure that in terms of what God has called you to do with your family as far as you were able you start there and then you seek to minister to your spiritual family don’t neglect your family for the sake of serving the church that’s the first area in which you are to manifest your discipleship to Christ now sometimes serving your family means not doing what they want and that’s where I think we’re we really see a manifestation of are you’re going to love Christ or you’re going to love your family um sometimes your families will specifically object to you doing doing certain things you say you don’t love me you don’t care about me but you say no this is actually first of all I love I do love Jesus more and he says the most important way that I can love you yes even the physical family is by prioritizing him now I will mention one other extreme to avoid you should never be in the place where because you need to minister to your physical family or no how should I say this I can imagine a situation where somebody says I can’t be in church anymore I can’t have anything to do with my spiritual family because I need to take care of my physical family I do recognize there are some extreme situations maybe medical or whatever where you might not be in church for a time but we cannot ignore the spiritual reality that the Bible talks about at length and which is you need the body of Christ so yes you might need to do something special for your physical family for a time but you cannot continually remain apart from the body so that’s why I say there’s a little bit of nuance where it’s not just like oh you know I can totally forget about my spiritual family it’s not that but you have these things in ttention the scriptures indicate you do have a primary duty to your physical family before your duties to your spiritual family that’s what I’m trying to get across so don’t know if that’s the most satisfying answer but I I tried to illustrate it as best I can sorry we’re out of time it’s okay what is it ID yes that’s right family can become an idol um and what family can provide can become an idol you might look at that list that I gave today and be like oh you know family swis be this family swis be that I want it to be that it’s not that that’s why I’m so upset you might have a desire that is going beyond the proper bounds that’s a good desire and that’s a good goal but if God doesn’t provide that can you be satisfied in Jesus Christ all right maybe you got more questions about that but you can email me or talk to me later in church uh let me close our time and prayer Lord I Thank you for your word I thank you for the family of Jesus Christ but I also thank you for physical families this is a good design that you made Lord it is sad because of the devil but because of our own hearts that we take the good design and we turn it into a curse which is what many of us have done what the world has done with families and yet it is not a bad thing the family is good and you love families you have such an important place for families in your universe so God I pray that we would I pray God that we would be applying the things that we learned to our own families and then helping one another especially in a church in ministering to their physical families and walking in the way that you’ve call them to when it comes to physical families do this for your glory Lord God in Jesus name amen all right thank you everyone