In this eighth lesson in the Biblical Counseling 101 Sunday school class, Pastor Dave Capoccia examines two more topics commonly misunderstood yet central to the Christian life and biblical counseling: forgiveness and the past.
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good morning good morning sorry that we’re starting a little bit after nine but let’s get started welcome to the eighth lesson in the biblical counseling one-on-one course why do i do do i why do i do what i do and how can i change let’s pray and ask god’s blessing on this time father in heaven thank you for your word and how it illuminates our lives please work among us now open our minds and change the way we think and live to be more in conformity to christ help me to be able to lead all who are listening today in that in jesus name amen well today is forgiveness and the past you say well what happened to pride i thought we were going to talk about pride well we’ll get to that in just a second what my alternate plan for that is but let’s first talk about the homework that you were assigned to do last week so along with bible reading and prayer i asked you to do a special bible study a deceptively short bible study some of the passages took a little bit longer to read we won’t go over everything on it but let’s focus on the b part of the questions you were asked to examine some passages related to saul judas and peter and you will have noted that these persons these real persons committed various sins but what was behind it can we discern an idol a lust something deeper a desire a belief that was motivating those sins let’s start with saul what seemed to be going behind saul’s actions what would you say yeah a fear of man yes certainly that was discernible in a number of the passages what else uh judy what pride yes we can see certainly pride is connected there glenda what were you gonna say jealousy yeah jealousy of david in particular what else a lack of faith those are all true and these are all interconnected let’s think about what he was valuing what was so important to him that it often manifested in sinful actions uh yeah kurt okay so connected with what glenda said about pride yeah receiving glory receiving honor receiving support what else was his was his treasure that he feared losing yeah his kingship i hope you saw that his kingship it just keeps on coming up as so important to him and that connects with pride and that connects with i think something else the fear of man he really fears losing the support of man you remember that in that first instance where he really compromises everybody’s leaving him an army is about to invade he’s afraid and it could be the end of the kingdom his kingship and so he sins or uh or what were you going to say danny yes which is which is the great and sad irony um probably even more explicit in showing saul’s heart is the second time he sins in a great way before god by not destroying the amalekites and saul tries to defend his actions but then he admits i okay i did it because i feared the people because if he loses the support of the people that means he loses the kingship but even after saying that the samuel says god’s going to take away the kingdom from you saul won’t let samuel leave he even grabs his cloak and he says honor me before the people he’s still valuing the same things so a lot of it comes down to certainly self-exaltation but the kingship that’s why he hates david so much that’s why i can’t stand jonathan helping david he says don’t you realize that you’re going to lose the kingship if you help david we need this for our line but as danny pointed out the sad irony is it’s by clinging to the kingship that he was sure to lose it and god said i’m actually going to take that away from you so did saul ever repent from the heart what do you think judy we don’t see any indication of that i mean certainly there are some pauses some some moments of conviction where he says david i shouldn’t be doing this you’re the righteous one i’m not but he keeps coming back to it it’s a really deep-seated uh love in his heart for those things even beyond beyond above the will of god and um we don’t see him come to back to god we don’t see him going a new direction in a in a meaningful way so we ultimately can’t see saul’s heart the scriptures are not exhaustive in telling us about his life but we don’t see we don’t see repentance we don’t see repentance in his life now let’s talk about judas judas commits some sins he not only betrays jesus that’s an obvious one but he also grumbles contemptuously about mary and her gift to the lord steals from the disciples and jesus lives as a hypocrite he uses an act of love to betray jesus commit suicide but what’s behind that what’s behind many of those sins as a lust or an idol what does he love money for judas it’s pretty straightforward a love of money and what money can buy he’s a little bit like demas that paul describes later he loves this present world more than the lord he loves the wealth and things of the world it’s telling that it’s right it’s right after jesus commands mary for giving a gift even pouring out perfume on his feet that judas goes to the priest and he says how much will you give me if i betray him to you it’s like this guy is not going to give me the money that i’m looking for he doesn’t value money the way that i do he’s like the chief priest too why did they kill jesus why do they hate him so much part of the reason is the bible says they were lovers of money did judas ever repent of this heart idol and the sins that come from it oh we don’t see that he does have grief it does have conviction it’s very interesting that he does throw back the money but is it enough to just return money he never goes in a new direction he never returns to the lord instead goes and kills himself we don’t see repentance from judas either despite the grief and saul did the same thing right he had grief moments of conviction but we don’t see a new direction in his life now peter peter’s a little different from the other ones he does commit some sins he rebukes jesus about the cross he certainly denied jesus three times seemed to show some overconfidence neglecting prayer he attacked someone with a sword he also lied and swore he swore falsely and he spoke irreverent curses upon himself what was behind those things yeah jay say that again fear and unbelief yes certainly there’s a fear of man here as well a certain amount of unbelief what else yeah mark yeah i think that’s a that’s a good insight mark if there is any theme between some of peter’s sins it seems to be like i have a plan about what’s supposed to happen here and god you need to get in line with that i mean that certainly was true with his rebuke of jesus and we might think like oh you know these aren’t really sins these aren’t really that big of a deal except for the way that jesus responds to them jesus doesn’t just say hey thanks for caring about me but i really do have to go to the cross he says get behind me satan you don’t have god’s interest in mind but mans and certainly that’s something we can do too right we we think we’re doing something really pious but it’s really not god’s interest it’s it’s man’s he does show fear of man a love for his physical life over loyalty and obedience to god though i wouldn’t i think maybe you notice the difference between peter and judas that these things don’t seem as deep seated in him as maybe them it’s not necessarily motivating all of his actions though it does appear from time to time does peter repent he does and how do we know that we can see a new direction in his life can’t we not only does he con does he have a conversation with jesus that that involves his restoration but the fear of man is something he puts aside and he becomes a faithful witness of the lord even a martyr for the lord he does lay down his own ideas of what ministry and life is supposed to be and he submits to god’s way even if it involves his suffering now peter wasn’t perfect in this we do have one clear instance later on where he’s rebuked by paul and what was he rebuked about fear of man he wouldn’t eat with certain gentile disciples because he thought some jewish disciples were going to look down on that so it’s not as if he never dealt with the fear of man again but there was a fundamentally new direction in peter and so i we can see that he was living out or he was showing fruits of repentance so it wasn’t just sorrow it wasn’t just conviction it was a changed life and that’s what’s repentance is all about just to re-emphasize something about repentance somebody asked me a question last week after the lesson about well if i say that if there’s no lasting change there’s no repentance well what about any time any one of us returns to a sin if we ever sin the same way again in our lives does that mean we never repented well no no not necessarily again the bible says that even though a christian cannot continue in sin he cannot live in sin a christian is expected that he will continue to sin we see this even in the letter first john right if you sin you don’t know god but if you say you don’t sin you’re calling god a liar and that if we do sin we can confess our sins and he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness or even what does jesus teach us to pray father forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors he says you’re gonna have to keep on praying this you’re gonna keep coming back to some of the same sins same sins in your life with decreasing frequency we would hope but with some frequency nonetheless so what’s the difference between that and what i was talking about and even the difference between peter here and saul and judas i think that there is often a difference between the the depth of the sins that we fall into a lot of times when we sin it’s resolved somewhat quickly we feel almost an immediate conviction and we turn in our hearts from that sin we have sorrow we understand that we did and we want to make things right with other people and we go in a new direction it’s not a defining habit it’s not something that is really dominating our lives but other sins they do go deeper they it’s like we have really fallen in love with a particular idol a particular treasure even a little bit like saul and judas do and even if we realize it’s sin and we confess it to god it’s almost like the confession is only surface level it’s almost an implied even in our confession there’s almost this implied understanding that we’re gonna we’re gonna go back to that sin because we still love it we we are in we become enslaved to a particular idol and it begins to define us even to destroy our lives so some examples we become known for outbursts of anger oh man he’s got a temper watch out for him or we could be categorized as someone who’s addicted to immorality returning to it regularly or we spiral downward and anxiety and depression this is a result of something deeper if if often sin is like a temporary breach which we quickly close up and we return to the lord some sins it’s like a whole invasion satan has really put a beach head down in our hearts and in he the idols and the sins they stay for a long time and so there needs to be a deeper repentance and that’s a lot of what i’ve been talking about when these habits when these defining sins these enslaving dominating sins show up in our lives it’s not a matter of oh yeah confess and hopefully i’ll do better you need to really be changed from the depths of your heart you need a spiritual deep clean and exposure and casting away that heart idol as well as the thoughts and beliefs that keep supporting it you need to put off i see your hand i’ll get to you just a second danny put off fundamentally in your thinking and put on and then the same in your behavior and it should show up in some new good fruit in your lives not necessarily perfection even for some uh even for various sins you may still struggle but there should be a new direction it should be a change should be making progress even with faults and missteps there should be a tangible new drive and you’re forsaking sin and walking with christ whatever it takes what are you going to say danny that’s right yeah so danny just pointing out again the important connection between repentance and faith and really you could even connect that to the ideas of putting off and putting on repentance emphasizes the idea of putting off i’m putting off these idols these false gods these empty things empty treasures these uh lies and unbelief but i have to put on something else there needs to be a replacement i can’t do it on my own these idols can’t give me what i’m looking for but the lord is life i can believe what he says and he gives me the power he gives me the strength he gives me the grace to follow after him to persevere to endure through suffering and if you’re not putting on that positive side if you’re not motivated by faith then your repentance is not complete and it’s not going to last yeah april uh certainly connects to some some um some measure so abel’s asking what is this connected to hebrews 12 and laying aside every weight and encumbrance and running with perseverance the race marked out for us for sure for sure certainly that where sins have found a place in our hearts and in our lives they need to be cast off but also things that are simply just not helpful for us hey man this thing just keeps bringing me back into sin maybe not sinful in itself but for me this is a stumbling block it’s also laying aside those things if we’re really serious about the lord if we’re really serious about holiness then like i said we should be willing to do whatever it takes the reward is important enough beautiful enough god is worthy enough and this thing i don’t really need it what i really need is the lord oftentimes in our hearts we want to ask what is the bare minimum that god requires of me uh how close can i get to sin without sinning but you’ve heard many preachers probably say that’s the wrong question to ask the question is how far can i stay away from sins that i don’t lose out on god what’s the most i can do so that i can continue to walk in joyful fellowship with god when our hearts are asking that question then we’re then we’re on the right path i’m taking a lot of time here to go over the homework in this question but i i think it’s important but i do want to get to our other thing for today your new homework for this class something a little different please continue to read the bible and pray every day but rather than doing a bible study or reading assignment i want you to do what i’m calling a tea journal i want you to write a journal this is not to share with me or with the class this is for you you and the lord start writing a journal about a particular spiritual struggle after any time of failure with this struggle you know what it is i want you to ask an answer write down answers to four questions and this is where the t comes from you’re answering four questions that involve a t word first what was the trial that precipitated the sin was the situation i got into where i felt tempted tried in such a way that i wanted to sin or i i i considered sin then what did you actually do how did you respond to that trial what actions did you take and then more importantly what thoughts did you think in that moment what were you thinking before and after you took those actions in response to the trial what were you thinking and it’s our thoughts that often reveal the most important things that are going on in our hearts what was i really valuing what was i loving what was i even loving more than god and then finally how would god have me by his word and spirit be transformed in my thoughts and actions i need to put off and put on in the inner man and the outer man starting with the inner man what were the how do i need to combat counter those thoughts that i was thinking in that moment with the truth of god how can i train myself in that and then how can i also change the way i respond in the outer man so i want you to go through those questions write that for yourself this is a common tool in biblical counseling it’s not inspired it’s just a way to get us thinking more critically about sanctification getting practical what was i thinking how do i need to change and as you do these journal entries over time you can often discern patterns oh here it is again my wife disrespected me and i got angry oh same thing here same thing here now i’m seeing i’m seeing more clearly where the problem is or something else you often can see patterns in your behavior that can show okay this is the issue in the heart that i really need to deal with so i’m actually going to ask you to do this for a few weeks we’re starting it this week and i want you to continue now how much do you need to write again don’t ask what’s the bare minimum ask what’s really going to help you this is another instance of you get in you get out what you put in you put thought into these entries you’ll benefit spiritually you do the bare minimum don’t really care about it this is just a checkup box that’s not really going to be profitable for you so that’s your assignment that’s your main assignment extra credit this is where we come back to the issue of pride i’m not going to take time to go over that today but i am going to give you the notes so if you would like to read about that i will include it in the email follow-up to this class right your questions about the homework you can ask me later let’s look at today’s agenda talking about forgiveness and the past start with forgiveness as i’m preparing to teach today’s lesson i tried to brainstorm some famous stories that highlight forgiveness but the more i thought about it i couldn’t think of any i couldn’t think of any stories that really highlight or promote forgiveness can you i mean certainly in the bible but other than the bible okay les mis les miserables there’s certainly a lot of questions about justice justice and mercy maybe forgiveness okay maybe that’s one any other stories yeah okay yes elizabeth elliott real life stories sometimes biographies or things related to war or mission work you’ll see forgiveness highlighted there but in fictional stories i feel like we don’t see it as much on the flip side can you think of any stories that feature lack of forgiveness like every story right this is like one of the main plot driving devices it’s lack of forgiveness bitterness revenge and this is true of ancient stories and monasteries you look at any action movie today the protagonist or the antagonist or both is usually driven by revenge or some kind of justice i think that’s a little telling about our society forgiveness is not a very highlighted feature in our media i think that shows a little bit about something how we think and value we live in a world that largely does not practice or even understand true forgiveness many today will consider lack of forgiveness over wrongs suffered not only understandable but even noble i will never forgive him for what he did this is spoken without shame almost as if it’s a sign of strength and since our society doesn’t understand or practice forgiveness it’s no surprise that wrong ideas about forgiveness even get into our lives and get into the church consider the following three statements here’s a little quiz tell me which of these expresses biblical forgiveness you don’t have to answer this out loud just answer in your mind statement a until he apologizes i am not going to show him any kindness or forgiveness statement b it doesn’t matter what she did whether she changes or whether she asks for forgiveness or not i already told her that i’ve forgiven her and i just want to move on in our relationship or statement c i forgive him because it’s my duty but i don’t want to see his face anymore which of these expresses biblical forgiveness the answer is d none of the above sorry a little trick question there each of these statements does contain an element of biblical forgiveness but they all ultimately fall short and if you found that surprising well listen up we need to dig down more deeply into what biblical forgiveness is if we’re going to understand forgiveness we must start by looking at the one who defines and demonstrates perfectly what forgiveness is and that is god god himself the model and motivation for our forgiveness is god’s forgiveness ephesians 4 32 says this i think most distinctly ephesians 4 32 says be kind to one another tenderhearted forgiving each other just as god in christ also has forgiven you there’s a whole theology of forgiveness right there in that verse we are to forgive others because god has forgiven us and we are to forgive others in the way that god has forgiven us what is forgiveness according to god let me give you a definition forgiveness is a promise of full pardon for sin forgiveness is a promise of full pardon for sin and we can see this we can begin to see this even from the main old testament and new testament words for forgive in the old testament we have first nasa like in exodus 34 7 which means to lift up to lift off or to take away and always remember that in seminary because nassau sounds like nasa right and nasa is concerned about lifting things up into space this word is applied figuratively to talk about forgiveness it means to lift off sin take away guilt lift away punishment we also have another hebrew word salah like in jeremiah 31 34. likely comes from a root having to do with sprinkling the idea is that a person is cleansed of guilt and released of obligation and punishment in the new testament we have first affairme like in matthew 6 12 which literally means to let go send away or give up figuratively to remit to forgive or to pardon and then we also have charisma charizamite like in ephesians 4 32 the passage we just read you may notice the word karus right in the beginning of that greek word chorus is the greek word for grace charisma means to give graciously or to bestow freely as a favor many times this grace is shown in the cancelling of debt and the forgiveness of sin these biblical terms show what forgiveness is it is a promise of full pardon for sin yet god is a holy god he’s just how can he forgive wicked sinners without violating his justice what’s the answer jesus christ it’s jesus christ sometimes we think about god’s forgiveness being unconditional technically that’s not true someone has to pay for it if it’s not us then it will be the lord christ it was the lord christ and this was pictured in the old testament sacrifices why was god able to forgive israel he says well when you sacrifice i will forgive your sins that was a picture ultimately pointing to christ hebrews 9 22 says without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness for sin we could say that and so it is for us we can have forgiveness with god because of jesus and how do we become united to jesus the gospel repentance and faith so we could say not only is it jesus christ but we receive forgiveness for god from god when we repent and believe to explore this just a little bit further in christ god promises full pardon for sin which means let me give you three kind of sub points here number one god removes all guilt and the need for punishment from us god removes all guilt and the need for punishment from us ephesians 1 7 says in him that is in jesus christ we have redemption through his blood the forgiveness of our trespasses we have it it’s already ours through christ in his blood and we’d be united to christ by repentance and faith romans 8 1 says therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in christ jesus we are forgiven there is no punishment left for us which of course is something the catholic church has forgotten that’s number one god removes all guilt and need for punishment from us but then number two god promises not to hold our sins against us in any way god promises not to hold our sins against us in any way and i love the way the bible describes this like in jeremiah 31 34 jeremiah 31 34 god speaks about the new covenant that’s coming to israel one day and he says they will not teach again each man is neighbor and each man is brother saying no yahweh for they will all know me from the least of them to the greatest of them declares yahweh for i will forgive their iniquity and their sin i will remember no more i will remember their sin no more or as psalm 103 12 says as far as the east is from the west so far has he that is god removed our transgression from us it’s an infinite distance it will never meet us again can god actually forget sin he’s an omniscient god so no but he chooses not to remember it he chooses not to hold it against us that’s what forgiveness is so god removes all guilt and need for punishment from us he promises not to hold our sins against us in any way and then number three god invites us into a restored and growing relationship with him god invites us into a restored and growing relationship with him this is important right this is not okay i forgive you but you got to stay over there and we see the opposite especially in the parable of the prodigal son right this prodigal i won’t take the time to read through it but he’s sinned against his father in a huge way but when he comes back he can hardly get the words of confession and repentance out of his mouth before his father is just lavishing him with love and gifts he runs to the sun he puts a robe on him puts a ring on him and he says let’s have a feast he’s been invited back into a restored relationship and one that is going to grow and be full of joy and that’s what god does with us when he forgives us and this hope opens this happens both at the beginning of our relationship with god a restored relationship and in an ongoing way in our christian lives when we first come to faith and repentance in christ we experience what could be called judicial forgiveness from god god declares us righteous forever he delivers us from eternal condemnation he forever places us in his family but after salvation there is still the need for what could be called relational or parental forgiveness it’s not that we need to be saved again from god’s judgment that we need judicial forgiveness again no that’s happened once and for all but sin brings a breach of fellowship with us and god and by confession and repentance and forgiveness there is the restoration of that fellowship we come back into happy communion with god and we are free from his fatherly and corrective discipline and this is why we are told to pray for forgiveness daily with god we don’t need to be saved again it’s just that restoration of fellowship with god now all this is wonderful salvation reality it’s the gospel that we rejoice in but ephesians 4 32 forgive others the way you’ve been forgiven forgive others because of you because of the way you’ve been forgiven all of this is instructive for how we are to forgive others around us and forgiveness just as god removes all guilt and need for punishment so we are to do so with others who sin against us i release you from your guilt there’s no need for punishment for you anymore and just as god chose not to remember our sins or hold them against us he chooses so we are to do so for those who sin against us i’m not going to keep bringing this back to mind actually we are really promising someone when we say i forgive you i will not remind you of this sin anymore unless it would be for your good for edification unless it’s absolutely necessary i’m not going to bring this back up i will not mention it to anyone else unless it would be absolutely necessary for your good and i will not allow my mind to dwell on it this is often where our forgiveness falls short right we say i forgive you but then we just keep nursing it and then when they do something else that we don’t like we say i remember this you did this other thing to me oh i thought you forgave it forgiveness really needs to be that pardoning it says i’m not going to hold this against you anymore it’s done it’s been removed from you and just as god invites us into a restored and growing relationship upon forgiveness so we are to do so with others who sin against us this is not i don’t want to see you anymore but i forgive you that’s not forgiveness it says hey there was a hurt in our relationship a breach of trust but i want to i want to start rebuilding it with you that’s forgiveness that’s forgiveness like god’s forgiveness now here’s a question does god forgive everyone’s sins clearly not he forgives all those who come to him for mercy who come by faith and repentance in christ but if we take seriously god’s wrath against sin and his promise of judgment on sinners we know he does not forgive everyone only to those who have repented in christ and there is a way that we imitate god in this we forgive only those who are repentant luke 17 3 luke 17 3 and 4 which is very direct instruction for how we deal with those who sin against us says this luke 17 3 4 be on your guard if your brother sins rebuke him and if he repents forgive him and if he sins against you seven times a day and returns to you seven times saying i repent forgive him notice the way those commands are constructed they’re conditional if he repents the assertion is there’s no forgiveness without repentance but wait you say mark 11 25 says mark 11 25 whenever you stand praying forgive if you have anything against anyone so that your father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions wait a second no repentance seems involved there you’re not even with that person you’re called to forgive them whether they repent or not isn’t that unconditional forgiveness and didn’t jesus pray from the cross father forgive them for they know not what they do they didn’t repent at that moment why was he calling for their forgiveness do we forgive conditionally or unconditionally biblical answer is yes because there are two parts of biblical forgiveness two parts to biblical forgiveness first there is the unconditional heart forgiveness there’s the unconditional heart forgiveness or what could be called release when you forgive someone when you truly forgive someone there is first a settled choice in the heart to love a person despite what he has done and to give whatever offense he has committed against you over to god trusting in god’s goodness and sovereignty and there is a release in your heart about that person and his sin which means therefore you are open to and even eager for reconciliation with that person and this is the same kind of heart that god demonstrates towards sinners he doesn’t forgive everyone but he is eager to forgive everyone we see this in the story of the prodigal son but also listen to isaiah 65 isaiah 65 verses 2 and 3.
god’s speaking about israel he says i have spread out my hands all day long to a rebellious people walking the way which is not good following their own thoughts of people who continually provoke me to my face this is not a repentant people but how does he regard them with an eagerness to be restored to them he’s holding out his hands come please i don’t want to hold this against you my heart longs for you to come back god has a forgiving heart he’s eager to extend forgiveness to sinners in relationship and so should we be also and we are commanded to do so just again if we look at ephesians 4 32 ephesians 4 32 notice it says be kind to one another tender hearted forgiving each other that tender heartedness needs to be there if it’s biblical forgiveness a release in the heart that says i can give this over to god and i can still love that person matthew 18 35 also says matthew 18 35 my heavenly father will also do the same to you that is he will not forgive you he will leave you in judgment if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart this is not merely something you can just say outwardly i forgive you there is an outward transaction but it needs to be from the heart and this is something that we are to practice regardless of whether the other person is repentant changed or asked for forgiveness you need to forgive them in your heart but there is another part there is a conditional relational forgiveness or we could call reconciliation just as sin breaks fellowship with god so sin breaks fellowship between people and this fellowship is only restored when the sinning one confesses his sin and repents your body looked at verses related to this luke 17 3-4 if your brother sins and repents forgive him this is what we’re looking for we’re looking for that transactional forgiveness that relational forgiveness that says i’ve already forgiven you in my heart but i need you to repent so that we can be reconciled in relationship please come back won’t you turn from your way won’t you make things right this doesn’t mean that we need to confront every tiny sin and careless word that someone does against us but it does mean that for more substantive and repeated hurts we need to see repentance before there can be a transactional forgiveness or relational reconciliation and when we don’t do this when we just try and move on sweeps in under the rug the result is usually not good there’s a lingering bitterness there’s a lack of intimacy that just cannot be restored because that breach was never healed now when i say reconciliation i don’t necessarily mean that the relationship immediately goes back to what it was before the sin that’s not always realistic nor is it always wise but i already said something a little bit along these lines true forgiveness commits to rebuilding a relationship this is not easy especially for repeated and heinous sins against us but compare those sins to what we’ve sinned against god again the parable of matthew 18 and the unforgiving slave his debt was monumental compared to the small debt of his fellow slave and that is the truth for us as well even the worst sins some people have done to us and they are pretty bad they pale in comparison to what we’ve done to god and god forgives us so we can forgive them it is an act of faith it is a fruit of our gratitude for the gospel and the salvation in christ that we forgive others and look to rebuild a relationship with them god invited us into a restored and growing relationship so we do that to others admitting to them look your sin has hurt me my trust has been broken but because you have repented i am willing to rebuild a relationship with you again i want to do that when we have true repentance and true forgiveness and as that repentant one demonstrates new fruit in his life the fruit of repentance what happens to the relationship it does grow trust is restored and often as i said last time it’s even stronger than it was before the sin what makes marriages so rich it’s not that that spouses don’t sin against each other it’s that when they sin they repent and forgive each other and that makes for a beautiful relationship now a few quick questions before we move on to the next topic i wish we could just spend our whole time on forgiveness but i want to talk about the past as well oh oh i don’t have these on the slide i’ll just mention these out loud do christians ever need to forgive god this is a serious question someone asked me this before the answer is no no no no no that is actually a blasphemous naive and proud thing to do you’re saying god has made a mistake he sinned against you no some christian psychologists do advocate this as part of making a person feel better but it is not appropriate god is not in need of your forgiveness do christians ever need to forgive themselves the answer is no this is not commanded or exemplified in the bible actually it also comes from pride or naivete even self-righteousness i like what dr street says about this dr street my counseling teacher in seminary he says this sentiment of forgiving ourselves it comes from an unbiblical presupposition that we can’t believe that we have done that particular wrong but if we really had a biblical view of ourselves we wouldn’t be saying that honestly it’s hard to believe that we don’t do terrible sins more often we exalt a standard of forgiveness for ourselves that goes beyond god’s when we can’t forgive ourselves this is pushed in modern psychology because of the therapeutic value it makes people feel self-justified ah i just can’t forgive myself for what i did that’s actually a self-exalting sentiment not a humbling one we don’t need to forgive ourselves we need god’s forgiveness and then one other question do christians ever need to forgive those who are now dead you need to forgive those who are no longer on the earth again this is not commanded in the bible this is really more of a therapeutic ritual biblically speaking you do need to have a heart that is settled in god no matter what people who are now dead have done to you but your forgiveness or lack of forgiveness to that person does not affect them they’re not in the world anymore you need to get right with god in your heart you don’t need you’re not called to somehow extend forgiveness to the dead speaking of the dead let’s briefly now talk about the past there’s great irony in american society when it comes to the past on the one hand as ecclesiastes says no one seems to remember the past they get caught up in new ideas so excited about new ideas and people that are not really new they’re gonna fail you they’re gonna not bring you to some place of deliverance like things in the past also failed people make the same foolish mistakes as people did in the past america as a whole does not remember the past but on the other hand american culture is obsessed with the past particularly past injuries things that we’ve suffered harm in the past seems our society is obsessed with that much of the current controversy over race and social justice it has to do with what happened in the past and whether and how those past injustices should be rectified psychologists have long worked to unpack for their patients the repressed memories and traumas of the past gotta pump out this pool of pain if you’re ever gonna be healed and whole again and as we previously discussed there’s also the common assumption that your past is responsible for who you are and what you do today it’s your genetics it’s your upbringing it’s your experiences now this is true of society at large but what about us individually how do we regard our pasts do you define yourself by your past either by sins or hardships that you suffered or even sins that you committed i’m an addict i’m an abuse survivor i’m a victim of systemic oppression you think along these lines about yourself do you resent god and others for what happened in the past or do you have peace about your past these are important questions because how we think about the past greatly impacts our present we need to make sure we’re thinking biblically it’s fair to say that the world overemphasizes the importance of the past but in response we have to be careful that we don’t underemphasize the importance of the past the past is not everything you are not simply the result of your experiences and hurts but the past is not nothing it’s not something you can just ignore or pretend doesn’t matter with the time we have left i want to briefly consider four clarifying facts about you and your past four clarifying facts about you and your past number one you cannot avoid your past you can’t avoid it the past has impacted everybody in the world certainly on a global scale when we talk about the fall we talk about the vapor-like nature of this life we talk about sin this is all based on it comes from what happened in the past it affects us all can’t ignore that but also on a personal scale our individual circumstances histories and experience they affect us today just like the past of people in the bible affected them why was moses too fearful to return to egypt despite god’s commission and appearance to him in the burning bush partly because of what happened in the past moses is upbringing an experience in egypt especially his failed attempt to rescue the people of israel why was david not afraid to face goliath despite being so young partly because of his past experience he says god help me to overcome lions and bears this philistine is no different or why was jesus often dismissed and mistreated as someone of no importance because of his past because of where he came from because of his mysterious parentage because of his humble socio-economic circumstances cannot pretend that the past does not affect us and our world everyone carries his past with him to some degree but the problem is not really the past it’s what we do with it it’s how we view it which leads us to a second fact here number two you naturally interpret your past first significance you naturally interpret your past for significance you see we people are all interpreters when we examine the world we’re not just looking at facts collecting facts we’re trying to piece them together into some kind of interpretation we’re not just interested in the what but also the why and how we want to find significance and meaning and this is true even when we consider our pasts we desire to make sense of it we want to put together a story that highlights some greater meaning or significance we ask ourselves questions like what does it mean that i was born white or black what is the significance of my suffering abuse as a child why did i experience so much success in school we ask these questions but we don’t just ask them we answer them either by ourselves or with help from others we do give shape we always give some sort of shape and meaning to our histories and this is where the problem arises because sometimes the interpretation we give to our past is not accurate it’s not proper it’s not biblical consider the people of israel i won’t read the passage but numbers 11 this is one of the times where we see israel complaining about their present circumstances by comparing it to their experience in egypt and they said oh man do you remember in egypt we had the fish and the leeks and the cucumbers it was great back then but now all we have is this wretched manna is that a true assessment of the past they may have indeed eaten some of those things in egypt but they’ve interpreted their past in a particular way based on what based on the beliefs and desires of their heart they were exalting themselves in pride by saying god has not provided enough for us in the wilderness and now when we look at our pasts we’re going to frame ourselves as a noble people who have been tragically taken away from a place of goodness to be stuck with god and his mightly provision in the wilderness they interpreted their past in a certain way they fit the facts together in a way that fit what they wanted to believe about themselves this isn’t the only time that israel did this and we can do the same this is a really an illustration of a general principle about our past where is it there it is our present desires beliefs and goals our present desires beliefs and goals powerfully shape our interpretation of our pasts and once met someone who said he couldn’t believe in god because of how much suffering he witnessed in the world does suffering itself prove that there is no god or that if there is a god he’s cruel no suffering is just data it needs an interpretation if you have an exalted view of man oh he doesn’t deserve this in a low view of god then when you see suffering you’ll probably be inclined to interpret that experience as proving that a loving god does not exist that’s just an interpretation there’s a maxim i heard in seminary that i find myself quoting a lot and that’s this no experience is self-authenticating or self-interpreting no experience is self-authenticating or self-interpreting all experiences are just data they need interpretation and how we’re going to interpret it based on whatever assumptions beliefs or standards we already hold to we all do this naturally if we’re going to do this properly we need to do this according to the bible because there’s one great fact that we cannot forget we must include in our interpretation of the past and that’s number three number three god was sovereignly and intimately involved in your past your past is not simply your story it’s god’s story he’s not only writing it he’s in it i won’t go through the supporting verses for this but god caused your past to proceed exactly the way that it did our god is in the heavens he does whatever he pleases isaiah says prosperity and calamity they both come from god he does it all god made your past the way it was and he was completely aware of all the circumstances of it and your feelings about it and he wasn’t simply watching from far away and orchestrating he was actually right there in the midst of it david says in the psalms where can i go from the lord’s spirit god’s spirit was right there in the past with you and he wasn’t just there but he was working a good and glorious plan for himself and for all his people it’s like jacob’s ladder jacob faces this really difficult time in his life he doesn’t know what the future holds and god appears to him and he says let me pull back the curtain for you and let you know that look at all these angels going up and down accomplishing my purposes i’m at work don’t be afraid we fundamentally misunderstand our past that we forget or reject the fact that god has been sovereignly and intimately involved the whole time god is not simply writing your story he’s writing his story and your story is a small part of that it’s a good story it’s a mysterious one but it’s working out for the whole cosmos you and your life experience are parting part of something much grander that will glorify god and if you realize this and believe this you are a long way to already dealing rightly with your past but it’s just the beginning you have to understand fundamentally that god was there and he was orchestrating it all exactly the way that he wanted but it’s more than that you need to actually number four number four view your past according to god and his truth you need to now assess all the little specifics according to what god says in his word about what he does in the world view everything in your life including your past according to the truth of the bible you want to ask the right questions about your past not why didn’t god do this for me or where was god here but rather what was god doing he was doing something i know what was it or how was he using the experiences of my past to grow me to teach me to do me good and to make me more like christ because that’s what god reveals he is doing in our lives and that’s what he’s done in our past this is all according to his transcendent love his power his wisdom which we won’t fully understand but we know it’s true if you will believe this by faith and you can and must as a christian then it totally changes your perspective and interpretation of the past you can appreciate what god was doing and you can learn the proper lessons from your past our pasts teach us many valuable truths teach us about the deceitfulness and the dangers of sin to teach us about god’s goodness his grace his sufficiency it teaches about this world that it is sinful and fallen and that it cries out for redemption in christ’s return it’s all evident by each of our lives and our pasts furthermore with god’s scripture with his promises and his truth you are set free from enslavement to the past you realize that god has never locked you into sin and spiritual defeat rather he has given you everything to walk in life and godliness and joy first corinthians 10 13 2nd peter 1 3-4 you are not controlled by your past you can forgive those who have hurt you you can put off sinful habits that you became trained in and you can become trained in righteousness you may have had a number of negative influences in your life but they don’t control you the lord is superior he’s supreme he is sufficient to deal with those influences you are not a victim you’re not a victim of your past or what people did to you in the past the only true victim who has no hope for the future is the one who believes himself to be it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy if you think you’re a victim due to the past hurts and influences of others you’re a victim waiting to happen the past need not control us your responsibility and mind before god it’s not dwell inordinately on our past but to deal with them rightly according to god’s truth and then move forward in holiness psalm 34 verses 12 to 14 gives us a good perspective no matter what kind of past we’ve experienced psalm 34 verses 12 to who is the man who desires life and loves length of days that he may see good keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit depart from evil and do good seek peace and pursue it it’s amazing how different people can view and respond to their pasts even people who have come from almost the same terrible circumstances one person can be full of joy and walking with holiness after god while another person is so bitter trapped in sinful thinking and sinful actions it’s not the past that determines how you’re going to live this is the last point your past is influential but it is not determinative when you’re counseling someone it can be useful to find out more about their past and you can say okay that’s where this pattern of thinking comes from that’s where the sin habit really grew in a person’s life but it’s never determinative the lord’s transforming grace overcomes any person’s past that person may have to deal with certain challenges because of his past going forward but the lord is sufficient you can walk in holiness and joy no matter what you’ve experienced in the past that’s not only true for you but that’s true for our brethren and that’s what we want to help them to understand god doesn’t make mistakes nor does he give too much to handle he was working in our past in a mysterious but perfect way which we don’t understand now but we will understand at the end like ecclesiastes says man has eternity in his heart he wants to know the end from the beginning but we won’t know it right now so when you come to your past you say why did god do this i don’t know and maybe you won’t know until you go to see the lord but we do know what his word declares that the lord was there that he was doing it all in perfect wisdom in love for his people whom he loved before the foundation of the world and if he gave them christ how would he not freely give all other good things that’s true for you and it’s true for your past all right that’s all we have time to talk about today do you have questions about these two topics about the homework come talk with me afterwards let’s close in prayer lord thank you for your word thank you that we are set free from the past and that consequently we can forgive we can forgive with your forgiveness those who have sinned against us and hurt us in the past lord i pray that that’s what you would do among your people even today this morning make us a forgiving people who can rest in you about our past in jesus name amen thank you